Part 13 (1/2)

”I'm not going to let you play,” he said. He had tears in his eyes-he knew how much it meant to me.

”I have to play,” I responded.

He cut me off. ”I keep asking myself, if you were Nate, would I let you play? I keep saying, 'No.' I can't let you play.” He really wanted to win, but he was unwilling to take a chance with my health.

”But they cleared me, and I haven't had headaches in days,” I countered. ”There's no reason for me not to play.”

”No headaches?”

”No, Coach. No headaches.” A headache had been starting to set in, but for all I know, it was from stress or a migraine, not the concussion.

Coach Meyer softened and said that we'd decide after warm-ups. All other things being equal, he would have erred on the side of caution, but I know my desire to play was eating at him.

I was praying in the locker room that the headache, which had been getting worse and worse, would simply go away. It didn't. I could barely see by the end of pregame warm-ups, it was hurting so badly.

Even though I don't recommend for anyone to ever do this, I played.

We started our first drive from our own seven yard line. Coach sent me in, and then, the moment I crossed the wide, white sideline and ran across the twenty-five yard line (Tiger Stadium is the only stadium I ever played in that paints the numbers every five yards instead of merely every ten) toward the end zone, my head completely cleared. No pain. I don't know if it was the adrenaline, the warm wishes from the LSU faithful directed my way, or the Lord's touch, but the pain was gone instantaneously. It never came back.

I only carried a couple of times, anyway, as the coaches didn't want me to take any more blows. We marched eighty-two yards on that first drive and kicked a field goal to take a 30 lead, and then they tied it in the second quarter. We really struggled on offense, but our defense stepped up in a big way. Right before halftime, I hit Riley Cooper on a twenty-four-yard touchdown, and our defense made that touchdown stand up. We won, 133. It was a great return to Baton Rouge.

We were very happy heading back to Gainesville. Certainly we would have liked to have done more on offense, but we were limited with what we could do because of my injury. So much of our offense was predicated upon the possibility that I would rush the ball, but everyone knew-especially LSU's defense-that wasn't going to happen. Not that night. At the end of the day, that was a good win against a very good team.

We had things to work on that week but were upbeat as we practiced. We had gotten over a major hurdle without being at full strength.

The game against Arkansas was remarkable the following week at our place. My head had been totally fine ever since I stepped onto the field at Louisiana State. Arkansas played well. It was a game to remember, even though our fans seemed less than pleased that it was so close. The whole game consisted of missed opportunities, which kept it close. We had an uncharacteristic number of fumbles and missed tackles, and for a while it felt like the Ole Miss game of 2008 all over again. There was no way I was going to let that happen. No way.

At one point, I hit Chris Rainey, who was wide open on a swing route. There was no one between him and a seven-yard touchdown except for the safety, and Chris totally made the guy miss. As the safety was falling away, he stuck his foot out and kicked the ball, which caused the ball to fly out of Chris's grip, up into the air, and onto the turf. They recovered. No one else was even in the area to tackle Chris, and yet a stray foot caused a turnover. Later on, Aaron Hernandez fumbled after a long reception on which he'd made a great effort, and still later I was stripped of the ball and they recovered the fumble. Just totally bizarre stuff, which was what made it reminiscent of the Ole Miss game from the previous year. Here they were with the worst statistical defense in the conference, and we couldn't put them away. In fact, we were trailing until late in the game.

We tied the game in the fourth quarter at 20 on a great play by Jeff Demps, and then we got the ball back. On that final drive, we were trying to score and leave as little time remaining on the clock as possible. In addition to our four turnovers and numerous dropped pa.s.ses, our defense had even struggled, surprisingly. After saving us against LSU, they had an off day against a very solid Arkansas offense. Because of that, we didn't want to leave any time for Arkansas's offense to get back on the field.

I felt that it was our turn on offense to step up-I mean we had turned the ball over an unacceptable four times. I told Coach to give me the ball; I was in one of those crazy moods.

I ended up throwing for thirty yards on that drive and rus.h.i.+ng for twenty-two more. On a third and ten play, we called time-out and then ran a play to Coop, where if it was man-to-man, one-on-one, he was going to run a stop route and I would put it right on him. The defender would think Coop was running a fade to the end zone, but instead we'd just get the first down.

If they weren't in man, then we'd probably go to Hernandez on an in cut. They gave us man-to-man and blitzed. Coop tripped coming off the line, but he scrambled up and I hit him in the chest for a first down. A huge play. Of course, the pa.s.s was at chest level because he was going to the ground again, and he actually made the catch of my low pa.s.s while on a knee-an amazing grab.

At the end of our drive, Caleb Sturgis kicked a field goal to win it with nine seconds left. I didn't open my eyes until I heard the crowd roar; 2320.

Sure, it shouldn't have been that close, but it was a fun game and a gut check for us. We had been confronted with the Ole Miss game, the 2009 version, only this time we'd survived. We had to find a way to win that game, and we did. I was proud of our team.

On the one hand, it was troubling to have struggled with Arkansas. On the other, every team has the occasional game that they simply have to escape. When you're on the field sc.r.a.ping it out, you're not thinking about ”style points” or coaches voting or what people on ESPN will say when the highlight reel rolls; you're thinking about winning the game. A win is a win, and we'd gotten exactly that. While there was a mild sense of anxiety over the game itself, we felt that we would have a chance to correct any shortcomings moving forward. We were still undefeated, and that was what mattered.

Chapter Twenty.

Finis.h.i.+ng Strong.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, and I have kept the faith.

-2 TIMOTHY 4:7.

I knew Mississippi State would be interesting. We were looking forward to seeing Coach Mullen and hoped that our knowing him as well as we did would counter any advantage he might gain by how well he knew our schemes and our personnel.

Therefore, going in, everyone knew that Coach Mullen was going to design some stuff for us because he knew our physical limitations and tendencies, and, man, did he deliver.

The game started off well. In the second quarter, I rushed for a touchdown to tie Herschel Walker for the all-time SEC rus.h.i.+ng touchdown record. But things went downhill from there. We were ahead 133 right before halftime and were driving against the Mississippi State defense, trying to put the game away. We were inside their ten yard line. Coach Mullen knew exactly what my check was on this certain play, so they showed like they were blitzing but didn't. I threw it up to the corner at the goal line as they antic.i.p.ated. It was tipped and intercepted by Johnthan Banks, who ran it back one hundred yards for a touchdown, making it 1310 going into the locker room at halftime.

A bad play by me, and now we were only up three. There was clearly some dissention in the locker room. It was not going well, and making matters worse on the other side of the ball was the fact that Brandon Spikes wasn't playing due to a hurt groin.

Finally, in the fourth quarter, we scored a touchdown on a run by Chris Rainey to put us up by nine and give us some breathing room. On Mississippi State's next possession, Dustin Doe returned an interception for a touchdown to put the game away. I'm thankful that he did, because I then threw another interception that was returned for a touchdown. Coach Mullen definitely had my number that night.

Even before my last interception, it had already been a tough night. A defensive leader had a pointed comment for me on the sidelines, which didn't sit well with any of us on offense. For four years we had always stuck together, with no finger pointing between the offense and defense, regardless of what was happening. I don't know what it was that was bothering him, but the Pounceys responded to him, and things started to heat up on the sidelines. I grabbed the Pounceys and pulled them away, but at the same time I was just as mad about the situation as they were.

We ended up winning, but it wasn't a good feeling for anybody; we were all a bit empty. I was really upset by it all after the game-my interceptions, our poor play, the moment on the sidelines. Afterward my family encircled me, under the stadium, helping me deal with it all.

From the outer edges of our group I could hear somebody asking to get through to me-Dan Mullen. He was great. He took me aside, put his arm around me, and encouraged me with thoughts both football-related and otherwise. It was a moment I'll never forget.

He didn't ask about my eye black, however. It was Ephesians 4:32, which was particularly appropriate for that day-”Be kind to one another, tender-hearted . . .” I'd heard that he had started an optional coaches' Bible study for the Mississippi State staff, which is impressive. It's tough to give up staff-meeting time, but he did. It's simply amazing what G.o.d will do with relations.h.i.+ps if we allow Him to work in our lives.

When we got back to Gainesville, we had a leaders.h.i.+p meeting and a team meeting. The leaders.h.i.+p meeting was with Coach Meyer, Coach Mick, the coordinators, and some of the player-leaders. The defensive player sincerely apologized, and we went on our way with that behind us.

Still, there was no denying that it had become a surprisingly tough season. If we weren't winning in perfect fas.h.i.+on, then we were very dissatisfied. That's a tough standard to live with. And I think that because we had such a high standard and such high expectations-Best Ever-we put unnecessary pressure on ourselves at times rather than just going out and playing the game. We'd been looking so hard for a way to motivate ourselves in the off-season, and that t.i.tle of Best Ever seemed to get everyone motivated and thinking the right things. But in actuality, what we really needed to do was focus on doing whatever we could to get ready to win games. The labels could always come later.

And honestly, we should have relaxed. We were a team stretched tight like a rubber band. We were probably starting to fray at the edges, and that was in no small part because of the pressure that we'd put on ourselves. I wish we had all taken a step back at some point, but charging ahead always seemed like the right thing-keep our focus, keep working harder. We needed to appreciate where we were, where we'd been, and who we were. But in that moment, this was a very tough thing to do.

We pushed ahead and got ready for our annual skirmish in Jacksonville. Even though they had a lot of talent and a lot of good players, Georgia wasn't as good as the year before. Of course, that didn't stop them from talking their usual trash during pregame. They came out wearing these new uniforms with black helmets, and we just went to work on them. I threw two touchdown pa.s.ses in the first quarter and then rushed for a touchdown in the second, breaking former Georgia Heisman Trophy winner Herschel Walker's all-time SEC rus.h.i.+ng touchdown mark. To do that against Georgia, in my hometown, made it that much better. I kept that ball and gave it to my dad for Christmas.

After a first half like that, we knew we were in control, and we went on to beat them handily, 4117. The only controversy came when Brandon Spikes tried to poke a guy in the eye. Coach Meyer suspended him for the first half of the next game, because what he did was wrong. He shouldn't have done that, without question. Brandon would tell you that too.

At the same time, though, people are so naive about what happens on the field. Spikes said he was retaliating for someone's trying to do the same to him earlier in the game, and I believe him. After all, I had three occasions in that game as well when guys were trying to grab my neck or gouge my eyes. And you do not want to know what happens in piles in every game, with guys trying to grab someone in places that could cause some serious pain. It's awful, but it's not like Spikes invented this stuff.

I agreed with the punishment as a way to hopefully deter this in the future-Spikes himself ended up agreeing to sit out the entire next game because of the outcry-but I think people were singling him out unfairly. Maybe we could get more pictures from piles or maybe get the referees to pay more attention-I'll bet something like that happened to me at least forty times in my college career. A lot of good players that I played against unfortunately engaged in stuff like this.

With Brandon out for our next game at Vandy, our concerns about being without one of our best players on defense were eased by the hope that we could repeat our solid victory over them from the previous year. While we didn't put up the kind of numbers that our offense was used to, our defense had a stellar performance, as we beat them by a score of 273.

There was no doubt we were better than they were, but as with some of the earlier games that season, our play was only good, not great. This was especially true on offense where we encountered a carefully designed game plan that they executed well. They had a solid cornerback, Myron Lewis, who stayed on Riley Cooper all game. They gambled that he could stay on Coop without help, and then they had the rest of their guys available to help on Hernandez and the rest of our offensive threats. Lewis played great, and that was a game when we missed some of the receiving talent-Caldwell, Murphy, and Harvin-that we'd lost the last few years to the NFL.

People everywhere were looking for a reason to explain what was off about our offense, and often that reason was Percy Harvin's absence. While there's no doubt that not having Percy's explosive ability hurt us, in my opinion, the person we missed most was Louis Murphy, who I'd always thought was publicly underappreciated. Murph was the guy that we were going to on third downs when we had to have it, because he was going to find a way to get open and beat man coverage and win the play. He and I were always on the same page. I could look at him a certain way and he'd know what I was thinking. He was also the hardest working receiver I'd ever played with. Other guys worked really hard, too, but every single day my freshman through junior years Louis would stay after practice, keep working, and then work more on his own.

His drive was clearly exhibited on a play that year. While we were missing him, he was playing well for the Oakland Raiders. Zach Miller, the Raiders' tight end, caught an eighty-six yard touchdown pa.s.s that never would have happened but for Louis's hustle to get out in front of the play and block three different guys at different times. Three. I love that. That's what I mean about Louis Murphy.

As we prepared the next week, we continued to try and refine our offense and make improvements based on what each game was showing us. This was crucial because the next game was at South Carolina, and it was tough, as always. With the sense that we still could be playing better ringing in our ears, I was pleased that we were able to make that game one of the best games of the year. Very early in the game I hit Coop on a skinny post (almost a straight line pattern toward the goal post, almost down the exact center of the field) for a touchdown. Even though we didn't score a lot that day, I did a good job of managing the options and audibles to get us into some good plays. There was even one fourth down and one, at their twenty-five yard line; I audibled to an option to an overload that wasn't even in our game plan for the week. We were able to get the edge, and I pitched to Demps, who scored on it.

In general, the game was going much as we'd hoped it would. Unlike the Vandy game, we were playing more like ourselves, executing better, and maintaining possession. Then, in the third quarter, I was running down the middle, when I cut it inside and tried to sidestep someone going low for the tackle and at the same time hurdle him. He hit my leg, and I flipped over him, landing on the back of my head. I got up and started walking toward the wrong sideline, when Coop grabbed me and pulled me back to the huddle. On that next play the offensive guys helped me call the play because I was still gathering myself as to exactly where I was.

AP was always very alert and aware, so when I got to the sidelines after the drive, he asked if I was okay. I was dizzy but didn't let on to him that I was anything but okay. We never told anyone, but Coop and the rest of the offense knew. It went away quickly and I was fine the rest of the game. We won, 2414.