Part 8 (1/2)

His head is as the most fine gold, his locks are wavy, as black as a raven...

- The Song of Songs, The Song of Songs, Old Testament WOMEN TALK ABOUT THE REASONS THAT MADE THEM Old Testament WOMEN TALK ABOUT THE REASONS THAT MADE THEM FALL IN LOVE WITH THEIR PARTNERS.

I was attracted to his personality. I also thought he was very s.e.xy. was attracted to his personality. I also thought he was very s.e.xy.

He carried himself well and dressed nicely. He was a very real and honest person. He comes off as being very confident, almost c.o.c.ky. honest person. He comes off as being very confident, almost c.o.c.ky.

That's what attracted me to him.... He is a very loving person.

There's nothing he wouldn't do.”

97.98.”We were both in an orchestra, so at first it was just as friends.

When I saw him for the first time it was totally dark, and he started talking about the stars. He knew all about astronomy and astrology talking about the stars. He knew all about astronomy and astrology and seemed very knowledgeable. But he was also very funny and had and seemed very knowledgeable. But he was also very funny and had an odd sense of humor.... I felt comfortable talking to him. I felt we an odd sense of humor.... I felt comfortable talking to him. I felt we were compatible in many ways.” were compatible in many ways.”

”We met at a party. I ignored him. I was with someone else. He asked around, discovered where I worked, and came after me. It was very asked around, discovered where I worked, and came after me. It was very pa.s.sionate. I thought he was handsome.... He was very reserved and pa.s.sionate. I thought he was handsome.... He was very reserved and that attracted me. He keeps things close. Feels like he's special. He's that attracted me. He keeps things close. Feels like he's special. He's busy all the time. He has three businesses and works all the time.” busy all the time. He has three businesses and works all the time.”

”He noticed me before I noticed him.... He looked too old for me but he was always there to listen. He is very reliable. If he says he'll do something, was always there to listen. He is very reliable. If he says he'll do something, I know he'll do it. He takes care of me and he's loving. He spoils me.” I know he'll do it. He takes care of me and he's loving. He spoils me.”

MEN TALK ABOUT THE REASONS THAT MADE.

THEM FALL IN LOVE WITH THEIR PARTNERS.

”She's very pretty. I was attracted to her. I talked to her and we have a lot in common. She was very responsive and fun, intelligent.” in common. She was very responsive and fun, intelligent.”

”I thought she was really striking. I was really attracted to her. I don't like picking up women but I was so attracted to her that I came over and started picking up women but I was so attracted to her that I came over and started small talk.” small talk.”

”She was good-looking. I immediately noticed that. Then I saw she was friendly and we had things in common. She was pretty and nice. I got along friendly and we had things in common. She was pretty and nice. I got along with her.” with her.”

”I remember thinking that she was pretty. What attracted me most was her looks, at first. Later, that she's great. She's nice.... There was something her looks, at first. Later, that she's great. She's nice.... There was something about her, she would put my mind at ease.” about her, she would put my mind at ease.”

”She's a very pretty woman. What attracted me first was her looks. Later, she's very much like me. She's giving towards me. She cares a lot.” she's very much like me. She's giving towards me. She cares a lot.”

”She's very attractive, very pretty. Good looks rank higher for me than it does to the average person. She knows she's attractive...has presence...is does to the average person. She knows she's attractive...has presence...is very aware, a serious person.” very aware, a serious person.”

GENDER DIFFERENCES IN ROMANTIC ATTRACTION.

Do these quotes suggest a gender difference in the romantic choices of men and women? Most of the attraction variables presented in ON GENDER AND LOVE, STATUS AND BEAUTY 99.the first chapters of the book did not. Men and women seem to be equally influenced by physical proximity, arousal, pleasant personality traits, similarity, satisfying needs, and reciprocity in love.1 Only the importance of physical appearance revealed a significant difference between men and women. Most of the men, as compared to less than half of the women, mentioned physical appearance as triggering the initial attraction to their partners. Furthermore, men described physical appearance as playing a far more significant role in their romantic attractions.2 Other studies, as well, have doc.u.mented a gender difference in the effect of physical appearance on romantic attraction. Particularly persuasive evidence was provided by Alan Feingold (1992) who reviewed studies based on questionnaires; studies based on personal ads; studies that examined the impact of physical beauty on popularity with the opposite s.e.x; and studies that manipulated the attractiveness of members of the opposite s.e.x.3 All four types of studies showed a gender difference in the predicted direction: physical appeal, even if important to women, is far more important for men.

It is noteworthy that the gender difference found in men's and women's responses to questionnaires was larger than the difference found in their actual behavior. In other words, men are less influenced by women's appearance than they say, and women are more influenced by men's appearance than they say. What they say may reflect social expectations more than personal preferences.

While men emphasize physical attractiveness, women more often look for social and economic status, ambition, strong character, and intelligence in a potential mate. The greatest gender difference was found in the attraction to status and ambition, which are related to a man's earning ability. Indications that men are more romantically attracted to beauty, and women to status, were found to be valid in studies totaling hundreds of subjects in different age groups and in different cultures. No gender difference was found in the attraction to such traits as a pleasant personality and a good sense of humor: both men and women like and value these qualities equally.

The following is a list of attributes that some people consider in their decisions to marry. Please rate on a 7-point scale (where 1=not at all, and 7=very much) to what extent you would be interested in marrying someone who ___ is younger by five years or more.

___ was married in the past.

___ has children.

100.___ is not likely to hold a steady job.

___ belongs to a different religion.

___ is of a different race.

___ will earn far less money than you will.

___ will earn far more money than you will.

___ is not physically attractive.

___ has more education than you have.

___ has less education than you have.

___ is older by five years or more.

This very list was presented to an unusually large and representative sample that included over 13,000 single men and women, age 19 to 35, from different social cla.s.ses. The results of the study showed, once again, that beauty as well as youth are more important to men than to women, while earning ability is more important to women than to men.

Women were more willing than men to marry someone unattractive, or someone older by five years or more, if that someone earned more and had more education than they did. Men, on the other hand, were more willing than women to marry someone younger by five years or more, someone who was not likely to hold a steady job, who was likely to earn far less, and be less educated than they were (Sprecher et al., 1994).

Is it personal economic shortages that lead women to put such an emphasis on financial resources? Not necessarily. In a recent study, young men, young women, middle-aged men, and middle-aged women were asked about their criteria for choosing a mate. The four groups were asked to (a) estimate their own earning potential; and (b) rate the importance of various characteristics in a potential mate. Results of the study showed that men gave a higher rating to ”a nice looking appearance” while women gave a higher rating to ”good economic potential.” Nothing new so far. However, there was a correlation between the income young women, themselves, expected to earn and the income they wanted a potential partner to earn. The higher the personal income, the more importance women gave to the income of their partners. In other words, the emphasis was not the result of a personal lack of economic resources. The fact that this correlation did not exist among older women suggests that the variables that influence romantic attraction can change during different stages of life and different periods of history (Weiderman & Allgeier, 1992).

Another study used photographs of models and models in bathing suits to demonstrate gender differences in (a) the ability ON GENDER AND LOVE, STATUS AND BEAUTY 101.

to determine romantic attraction by means of visual scan; and (b) what types of information men and women need in addition to a visual scan. Results showed, once again, that for men a visual scan of a potential partner's ”physical attributes” was enough to establish a ”pool of coitally acceptable partners.” For women, information about a partner's ”nonphysical attributes,” such as ambition, status, and dominance, was needed to establish a pool of partners who were potentially acceptable for s.e.xual liaisons and ”higher investment relations.h.i.+ps,” which is to say, marriage (Townsend & Wa.s.serman, 1998).

WHAT ARE WOMEN AND MEN ASKING FOR,.

AND WHAT ARE THEY OFFERING?.

A content a.n.a.lysis of 1000, cla.s.sified, ”lonely hearts” ads shows that men seek ”cues to reproductive value”-physical appearance and youth-while women seek ”cues revealing an ability to acquire resources”-maturity and actual or potential financial security.

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