Part 7 (1/2)
She flushes. ”Do you want me to lie?”
”Yes. Yes I do. My feelings-they hurt really bad right about now. Duh.” I make a pained, squishy face.
”Please.” She laughs, finally appearing to relax a bit. ”No joking. Where were we? We need to make the hanging out bits last longer.”
”Check.”
”You seem really good at making...things so believable. No fixes on how you're acting, just on my acting. And then...you can ignore me otherwise. I won't bother you during the in-between times. When you're off duty or whatever. So, yeah. I think that's it. Easy. Right?”
”You're serious?” I now feel slightly sick myself. Does she think I can really do what she's asked of me without caring?
She blinks. ”What? Am I missing something?”
”Don't say anything else, just let me process.” I stand and pace away from her, and all that cinnamon air so I can think. So I can keep my freaked expression out of her observant line of sight.
The girl wants me to ignore her during the *in-between times' and dump her at the end of the summer? What excuse could I possibly use to dump Jess that would not simply create more brutal gossip for her life? Does she not get that gossip is forever?
”Let me just say this all out loud because I wonder if it's even going to work,” I start.
”What do you mean?” She wrinkles her brow.
”I'm not sure I have the time to do weeknight dates. I work a ton of hours at the TOG complex. Until 9 PM on weeknights and 10PM on weekends. You're asking me to take my one hour of free time, collect you, and pretend to take you on dates?”
”You're getting paid a lot,” she says and frowns. ”I'm sure you can squeeze me in.”
”Maybe. But I have a grandmother to take care of and the interns.h.i.+p hours are huge. And friends...and...”
Her face crumples. ”Right. I didn't figure all that in. I don't have an *outside life' to consider.”
”Look.” I sigh, feeling like an a.s.s. ”This is not personal.”
”It sounds personal.”
”This is why I told you during the interview that I don't have girlfriends long term. You think I'm a player, but it's not like that. There's simply no room for you-or any girl, to be in the middle of my messy, over-scheduled life. Even if you pay me, there's only 24 hours in a day.”
”Do they have tables at the TOG complex? Some place I could just sit and read? I won't bother you, and I'll drive myself. Happy?”
”You want to sit around and stare at me while I work?”
She nods. Her expression is so earnest. Desperate. ”As long as I'm out of my house, and I can say that I'm hanging out with you-a real, live, guy. Might be easier if I drive myself, anyhow. Then my parents won't try to grill you on our front porch.”
”Well, that solves one of my biggest obstacles to this entire contract. I'm not a fan of meeting your parents at all.” I cover the fear-twist in my heart with a laugh, remembering all too well the overprotective pit bulls Jess Jordan calls Mom and Dad. Those people wouldn't just grill me on the porch, they'd shoot me dead like a rabid wolf.
”FYI, I don't want them to meet you, either. I'd just prefer to keep you at a major distance. My Mom's so embarra.s.sing, and my Dad is really uptight about me dating anyone, so-um, yeah. We're in agreement.”
I nod and tap my fingers against my knees. ”What to do with a girlfriend while I work my hours at the TOG. Hmm...Can I really do this? Will I be able to pull it off? Will she be able to read at the snack bar tables without losing her mind,” I mumble.
”Do you always talk to yourself?”
”Yes. Bad habit. Does it bother you?” I walk back over to her side of the small stage.
”No. It's interesting. I hate people knowing my thoughts. But yours just fall out of your head so easily.” She shrugs.
”I never thought of it like that...but you're my girlfriend now...so who cares if you know what I think?”
Her cheeks turn pink, and I laugh.
Suddenly, I'm unable to break my gaze away from hers. I witness what I saw yesterday. She's covered her personal information slip with one of her small glowers. Her eyes darken with her snapping, challenging glare and erase all signs of the vulnerability she'd just exposed.
”We'll need to clarify for the record, that I'm a pretend girlfriend. Pretend,” she demands. ”Got it? If you're giving me that goofy look because you think there are going to be benefits as part of this deal, you can just hold it right there! Pretend girlfriend. Say it with me.”
I shake my head at her outrageous comments. ”Please. I've got that understood.”
”Good.”
She looks so p.r.i.c.kly and uncomfortable now, that I can't resist a little dig. ”That goes two ways, you know? I'm no piece of meat. Don't expect these lips to be at your beck and call. Not even for eight thousand dollars. But, I am going to have to hold your hand, put my arm around your shoulders, things like that. Let's lay that on the contract before you land a couple of punches on my face for doing a *good job'. I am not nearly as handsome or as marketable with double black eyes.”
”Okay. Okay. Don't want to damage the merchandise. I'm all for making this look realistic. But...” she pauses and looks sort of hunted.
”What?”
”Promise you'll give me the heads up before you try to put your arms on me-or whatever. I'm just-well, at least I think I am-sort of jumpy about being touched without notice.”
”I can do that.”
I quickly avoid her eyes because I get the sensation that she might be able to see through me so I change the subject. ”You don't look as pale as you did before. Are you feeling better?”
”Yeah...a bit. Probably because this conversation has made me turn red too many times.”
”Could be. Any more embarra.s.sing topics to cover before the last of your pink fades out again?”
She nods. ”One more.”
”Shoot.”
”I don't think I could stand everyone knowing you were hooking up with girls on the side, and then laughing at me. So...could you not cheat on me?”
My jaw drops open. ”Say you're joking. I wouldn't do that. Promise. And I don't break promises...” I stop myself, and feel heat sting my own cheeks.
She raises an eyebrow as though she knows I'm full of c.r.a.p. I play off my pause and try to head near the truth, so I can at least look her in the eye. ”I've broken a few promises, okay? G.o.d. Who hasn't? But I won't let anyone laugh at you, and I won't cheat on you. I swear.” I sit again and mess with one of my laces. I'm sure she can sense the guilt oozing off me.
Am I really so bad to have broken the promise I made to her parents in the past? I think they wouldn't fault my intent if they knew Jess had meant to offer this pretend boyfriend job to a bunch of random guys. So why do I feel like such a criminal? I wasn't the one who'd hurt her freshman year. I'd been trying to help. I'm still trying to help. Or I wouldn't be here. She doesn't remember, but I do. Ancient history or not, I feel like I owe her something.
This time, I'm going to do things right.
When I find her gaze again, she hits me with a tentative, almost trusting smile. One that serves to double my guilt and marks me a total b.a.s.t.a.r.d.