Part 20 (1/2)

I can't breathe. I don't remember how.

”Sorry, I won't let you go again. Promise.”

Without a pause, he skates behind me and before I can blink he wraps his arms around my middle. I think I might prefer falling. Extreme pain and a broken nose might be much easier to bear than the blood melting right out of my heart.

I'm flooded with too many feelings all at once. I wonder if I'm going to cry, or simply die from happiness, from fear, from embarra.s.sment. From love.

He's talking softly behind me. Teaching me how to skate all over again. I've only heard half of what he's said. I try to focus on the rest and not at all on how warm he's made me feel.

”Just lean back. Use me for balance. Hold your legs steady and straight while I push you along until you get the feel for the music. Once you've got the beat, you can skate along with me. But only if you promise not to trip me up. Ready?”

I nod and lean back slightly, but as he starts off I feel like my backbone and limbs are made of wood. ”How many girls have you skated with-like this?” I'm using my cynical, joking tone to see if I can trick him into answering. To see if I can get my heart to stop beating so fast.

”Do you really want to know the answer to that?”

”Billions...trillions?” I ask.

”Jess, I'm not, nor have I ever been the kind of player you make me out to be.”

”Whatever,” I say covering my aching curiosity with sarcasm. I want to look into his eyes and ask him if he's ever been in love with anyone before, but then, I suppose it doesn't really matter. Instead, I add, ”You're so good at this. Like you've done this a lot. Tell me...how many.”

”None.” He wraps his arms tighter and draws me closer. I don't even care that he's probably lied to me. I force myself to relax against his faded, soft, navy t-s.h.i.+rt, and go with it. With him. What harm can come from me pretending this is all real for a few moments. I breathe in and try to memorize his scent.

Right now, thanks to our drink break, he's lime Cola.

My heartbeat races as he picks up speed on the turn.

”There.” His breath moves the hair beside my ear, causing the ever-erupting flurry of b.u.t.terflies and goose b.u.mps to rage through me. ”You've got the hang of it. Want to try to move your legs along with mine?”

”No. I'm good...if that's okay?”

”It's great.” He speeds up and holds me even tighter. The silver lights swirl around and over us. The music, some sort of European electronic techno with no lyrics, fills my head.

My limbs, my soul. I'm flying.

I stare at his arms wrapped so confidently around me and I gently move my hands until I've placed them over his. I lean farther into him, trusting that I won't fall. Trusting him.

”Doing all right?” he asks.

”Perfect.” I close my eyes as he propels me around the next corner, content to let someone else be in control for once. I smile as cool air pushes against my face, rus.h.i.+ng through my hair. I can feel Gray's heart beating near my temple.

”Jess Jordan...do you ever wish...wish that we...that you and I...whoa! Watch out!” He pulls me to the side and skids us both to a stop, lifting me slightly so his skates won't collide with mine.

I open my eyes and freak. The person we almost hit is my sister!

My stalking, smirking sister!

”You need to skate in the same direction as the other skaters, okay kid?” Gray says.

”What the h.e.l.l?!! What are-” I'm already yelling over him, but change my mind because Gray's still holding me, or hugging me, or-I'm hugging him.

He has no idea who this is! I make my entire body go limp into a complete dead weight. It throws Gray off balance and he releases me. I hit the floor with a huge thump.

”Oww. Kika, what are you doing here? Besides trying to kill me?” I cover.

”Sorry. Sorry!” She's out of breath and scrambling to stay on balance. ”I was trying to catch up! I've been looking for you, but was focused on couples with tall blond guys?” She darts a confused glance at Gray before rus.h.i.+ng on. ”I'm at Holly Basker's bowling party. Only the bowling alley didn't schedule it right. Instead of bowling we have to skate.” Kika skates closer to Gray. ”Are you Corey Nash?”

”Grmry!” I deliberately mumble his name. ”Meet my sister, Kika.”

”Nice to meet you but-are you-Corey Nash?”

I struggle to my feet. ”Kika! G.o.d!”

”No. I'm not Corey, but he's here somewhere,” Gray answers, looking around evasively.

”Yeah. He was just here,” I add glancing around. ”He's...hmmm...” I swallow and paste on a smile and point off into the dark distance. ”Over there.”

”If you aren't Corey, then how come you were all snuggled up close like that with my sister?” Kika's glowering at Gray now. ”That's really going to make her boyfriend p.i.s.sed off.”

I gasp. ”What are you saying? I got too confident and told Corey to do a lap without me. Only I can't really skate and I got stuck way out here. I'd just asked my friend to transport me safely to the exit. Which is what he was doing. And it's where we're still going, because I'm sick of humiliating myself on this rink. Can we please move along?” I grip Gray's arm on one side and Kika takes my other hand. We skate toward the rink exit. I struggle to paste on my best poker face. How am I going to talk my way through this one? I start in with some defensive tactics. ”All right, little sister, confess. How much did Mom and Dad pay you to come here and spy on me?”

”They didn't pay me a thing.” She smiles but looks slightly guilty.

”Spill it. They totally told you to check up on me, didn't they?”

”They said, if I saw you, that I should say *hi'. That's all! And boy did I see you. But it really is Holly's birthday. See? There she is. Holly!” Kika yells and waves. Holly Basker has been Kika's best friend since fifth grade. She doesn't see or hear Kika over the music as she whizzes past. ”And there's Kimmi, Maddie and Saoirse and-”

”We get it,” I say. ”Shouldn't you be with all of them-as in, now?” We make it to the exit and I breathe a sigh of relief, feeling safer on the carpeted area.

”I'm not leaving until I meet your boyfriend. Don't you want me to?” Kika's bottom lip has set into a stubborn line. I can tell I've hurt her feelings. ”Where is Corey Nash?”

”Did someone say my name? Corey Nash, at your service.” Corey and Mich.e.l.le have exited the rink right behind us. The two are grinning like fools in love, and even worse, holding hands. Kika hasn't missed that.

”Corey!” I fling myself at Mich.e.l.le and Corey, purposefully disconnecting their hands with a body slam, knowing my voice sounds way too over-bright. ”Did ya miss me?”

Kika's face scrunches and twists. I can all but hear the motors turning in her head. I want to scream but instead I ramp up into the widest fake smile I've ever created.

”Sorry-hold me up, Corey, would you, cutie?” I grab onto him like a psycho. I don't even have to pretend to lose my balance because my heart is racing so fast I'm about to have to sit on the ground. ”Oh, and meet my little sister!” I squeak out. Thankfully Corey's put his hand around my waist to steady me.

Kika smiles at Corey. ”Jess has told me a lot about you.”

I keep my grin stapled on and ratchet one of my hands onto Corey's shoulder as I turn back around, b.u.mping Mich.e.l.le toward Gray.

”Well h.e.l.lo, little sister,” Corey says, shooting me a startled glance. ”Nice to meet you. Kika? Did I say your name right? Jess has mentioned you also. You're going to make quite a hit next year as a freshman if you're planning on showing up sporting those pretty, big, blue eyes.”

”Corey!” Mich.e.l.le glares.