Part 31 (1/2)
I command my free hand to move. After a very long time pa.s.ses, I manage to pull my underwear back up. Then, I yank at the arm that's still tied to the bed. When it won't budge, I stare and stare at the seash.e.l.ls.
I tell myself, over, and over, and over again that this is all a bad dream.
A dream. A very bad dream.
I wake up gasping for air inside the mini van. Silent screams fill my head.
It's all I can do to keep them inside.
For now. Hold on. Hold on.
Nausea floods my body; but I keep very still, striving to get my bearings. The van is silent and my skin is covered in a light layer of ice cold sweat. Gray and Corey must be asleep. Streetlights flash through the window. The stop-start-stop motion of the van tells me we're off the highway.
I remember. I remember.
I realize we're in my neighborhood.
Almost home.
Almost raped.
Almost. Almost.
I unbuckle and scoot into one of the bucket seats. I need to be as far away from Gray Porter as I can possibly get. My head spins double-time. I grab the door handle and pull hard, but the safety locks hold it closed. ”Mich.e.l.le. Stop the van. I need to get out.”
I hear Gray wake and s.h.i.+ft in the seat behind me. ”What's up, beautiful?”
That stupid word triggers the panic. It hits me like a bomb.
”Don't call me that. Never call me that,” I yell. ”I said stop the car. I need to get out.”
Mich.e.l.le glances at me through the rear view mirror. ”But, we're almost to your house-just hang on-”
”STOP THE VAN. NOW. I NEED TO GET OUT. NOW! NOW!”
Gray sits forward. ”Jess. What's wrong? Jess!” He places his hand on my back just as Mich.e.l.le swerves to park.
I hit the b.u.t.ton that opens the door. ”DON'T TOUCH ME. DON'T TOUCH ME. EVER. EVER. Oh my G.o.d. OH MY G.o.d.”
I fling myself out of the van. He's following me. I run a few feet down the sidewalk before the nausea wins out. I double over and vomit into the street.
Gray, Mich.e.l.le and Corey catch up. Gray's already squatted down next to me and is trying to pull me into his arms as another round of nausea takes over. I scream and kick and punch him away. ”No. No. Don't touch me! Don't let him touch me. Mich.e.l.le, please. Don't let him touch me. Please. Don't ever touch me again! I remember. I remember YOU!”
Gray pulls his hands away.
I vomit again. I can hear Corey's voice somewhere near. ”What do you think's wrong with her? Too much candy?”
”Tell them. Tell them,” I choke out.
When Gray doesn't answer, Corey whispers, ”Dude. Gray. What is going on? What is she talking about?”
Mich.e.l.le sits next to me on the curb and puts her arm gently around me. I put my hands over my eyes, trying to stop the crying and gather some strength from Mich.e.l.le. She helps me to my feet. ”Was it one of those dreams you say you have?”
”Not a dream. A memory. I remembered.”
I notch my chin up as high as I can and I make myself look at Gray.
I want to watch his expressions while I say this. ”Freshman year, I was at a party and a senior-a senior hockey player almost raped me. He took me upstairs after calling me beautiful. He forced a bunch of laced vodka down my throat. Then he tried to rape me. And Gray was there.”
Gray takes a step back.
”And you saw. And you knew,” I sob, crumbling again. ”Why. Why didn't you tell me? Why have you known every single second of the worst night of my life, and I'm only finding out tonight. WHY? G.o.d. You knew for years.”
I look wildly at Corey and Mich.e.l.le. ”Did you know too? Mich.e.l.le, when I told you about it the other day, did you already know?”
”No. I didn't. I swear,” Mich.e.l.le says, darting Gray a questioning glance and I sense with some relief that Mich.e.l.le isn't lying.
Corey's looking at me as though I'm two steps from a straight jacket. It's pretty obvious this is the first time he's heard of it as well.
”Jess...” Gray's voice is shaking. ”I promised your parents I wouldn't tell. And then, I was afraid that I was going to lose you. Please, let me explain. I did try.”
The world under my feet falls away as his words register. ”My parents? My parents knew about this-YOU? MY PARENTS KNOW YOU?!!”
”Coach Williams also,” Gray answers.
”No way,” Corey mutters.
”Do all of you also know the name of the kid that did this to me?”
Gray nods.
”No wonder you didn't want to meet my parents. Were you trying to make me crazy? Was all of this some kind of sick joke?”
”No. G.o.d no! Jess, don't think that. You said you were going to hire another guy to be your boyfriend if I turned you down. I couldn't let you do that. If you'd gone public with that ridiculous checklist-I thought, because I knew about you that I could keep you safe from more gossip. And I wanted to make up for what happened to you.”
”You wanted to make up for what happened? You jerk! You can never make that up.”
Corey barks out a laugh and crosses his arms. ”I knew something was up. You're not even her real boyfriend? She hired you? Man...this is freaking epic.”
”Shut the h.e.l.l up, Corey!” Gray shouts, walking nearer to me. ”Jess, I thought I could help you. And, at first I wanted the job and the money. But then, you turned out to be so awesome. It was fun...and...I never knew we'd fall in love. But I did want very much to be your friend. I still do.”
I wish I had some sort of immunity pill I could take against his cajoling, now evil sounding voice and perfect face.
d.a.m.n his green eyes.
Tremors from the dream begin to take over. I pull out the envelope that holds his check and throw it at his feet.