Part 45 (1/2)
”You've made a bad mistake,” Wilson said. ”Put it right. Sir.”
Haris pushed away from the table and took his phone from his pocket as he walked out of the room. A moment later, he sagged. A recorded message told him Tyler had blocked his calls. He phoned the office, told them he wouldn't be in that day and as he ended the call an email came from his bank telling him that the transfer he'd requested had been rejected by the recipient. Haris groaned. Oh h.e.l.l.
He straightened and went back into the kitchen. ”Call Tyler on your phone. He's blocked mine.”
”No.”
Haris stared at Wilson in shock. ”Why not?”
”Because he clearly doesn't want to talk you. If you use my phone, he'll hang up on you and in future won't speak to me. It's not the way to win him back. You do want him back?”
Alcide growled and Haris let out a strangled laugh. ”Can that dog understand what we're saying?”
”Of course not. He's picking up on the negative energy. This house has been full of light and laughter since Tyler moved in. You've been happier. More balanced. You've finally seen that work isn't all there is to life. It's people who are important and you've just pushed away the man who's given you his heart. I'm ashamed of you, sir. You know better. And if you now wish me to leave as well, I will of course pack my bags and depart. With Alcide. I'm sure you'll be able to find someone else to do my job. There are plenty of other homeless people out there. And of course, there will be another man to share your bed, but never one like Tyler.”
Haris sucked in his cheeks and then exhaled. ”You're right. I'm sorry. Don't leave. I'll put this right.”
Chapter Twenty-Six.
Tyler lay on his makes.h.i.+ft bed, mountains of suitcases and boxes towering either side of him, trying to revise for his music technology exam. He heard the doorbell ring and someone clattered down the stairs to answer it. When he'd worked up enough energy, he'd go out and buy a few essentials, like a towel, a pillow, a sleeping bag, food. At least he wasn't causing many problems by sleeping in this box room. Hopefully no one would want him out before he'd found a flat.
He froze at the knock on his door. ”What?” he called.
The door opened to reveal Des and Haris. Tyler's stomach lurched.
”He wants to talk to you,” Des said. ”Say the word and I'll throw him out.”
Tyler put his book aside and pushed himself to a sitting position. ”It's okay.”
Haris edged into the room and closed the door. ”Can I sit down?”
”Sure.” Tyler shuffled until his back hit a box and Haris dropped onto the other end of his uncomfortable bed. He looked like s.h.i.+t which made Tyler feel happy and sad.
”I made a mistake,” Haris said. ”I thought you'd been looking for flats on the Internet. I saw all the sites you'd pulled up and a.s.sumed you wanted to leave now the four months were up.”
Tyler groaned. ”They were for Jeremy.”
”Wilson told me. It wasn't just that. I overheard you talking on the phone. A conversation about the contract being done, finished, over and how happy you were. I thought you meant our contract, not the one for the band. Wilson put me right about that too.”
Anger swamped Tyler's misery. ”Why didn't you just ask me?”
”I was too...hurt. You'd think I'd have more sense than to jump to conclusions. I do have more sense usually.”
”You told me to go before I could tell you I was leaving.”
”Yes.”
”Coward,” Tyler spat out the word. ”You're a f.u.c.king coward.”
Haris's olive skin paled. ”I thought it would hurt less if I pushed you away first. It hurt more.”
Tyler wrapped his arms around his bent knees. ”You think?”
Haris's head dropped. ”h.e.l.l, I don't know. But I'm sorry. Forgive me?”
”No. You'll do it again.”
”I won't.”
”Yeah, you will. You were so worried about getting hurt that you forgot you were hurting me. You've done it before. You'll do it again.”
Haris let out a shaky exhale. ”I know I've f.u.c.ked up, but the truth is you only climbed into my bed because I offered you money. That's always been there between us.”
”Because you left it there between us.” Tyler glared. ”If it was just the money, I wouldn't have felt anything for you. I wouldn't have just spent a sleepless night trying to figure out what I'd done to make you treat me like something to wipe off your shoe. And I did figure it out. At the beginning, you told me over and over that it was just a business relations.h.i.+p and at the end, that's what I forgot. It was buried under all we did together, but it was always there and I forgot and you didn't.”
He could feel himself growing colder and colder as if he sat in a snowstorm. It hurt to see Haris again, more than he'd imagined but it would hurt more to give in and be hurt again.
”It's been months since I even thought about that f.u.c.king contract,” Haris whispered. ”You think I don't regret the way I acted? I should have asked you out like a normal human being and-”
”Then why didn't you?”
Haris sucked in his cheeks. ”Because I never have. I've never done more than hook up with a willing guy in a club and take him to a hotel, knowing that in the morning, if not well before, we'll walk away and never see one another again. That was all I wanted.” He exhaled. ”The exception being Karl.”
To Tyler's annoyance, he bristled. I don't want to be b.l.o.o.d.y jealous. ”Who's he?” d.a.m.n.
”He was my sub.”
Tyler gulped. ”You told me you weren't into that scene.” He couldn't suppress his shudder.
”I'm not, but I was once. It fulfilled a need. It enabled me to extend the control I had in my business life to my personal one. I liked having the complete trust of another person whose physical and emotional wellbeing was dependant on me. I knew, even as I fell deeper into the BDSM world, that it was a reaction to what had happened to me in Riyadh. My family had rejected me, one brother betrayed me, I'd let the other one down, my country didn't want me and it was possible my mother had died because of what I'd done. Being a Dom gave me back the confidence I'd lost, it gave me power over my emotions. Karl offered me unconditional love and I took it, because I thought that was what I wanted.
”But I was wrong. I cared for him but not enough. I wouldn't show him my back, or talk about my back, and he went out of his way to avoid the subject. I continued the relations.h.i.+p long after I should have stopped and when there was a line-a means of causing pain that I wouldn't cross, he turned to someone who would and almost died. Karl was mixed up, abused by his uncle with his mother's support throughout his childhood. He could be so nave and yet so conniving, sweet and kind but depraved and mean. He was generous yet greedy. He loved me in his way. I thought I loved him. I thought I understood him and could handle him, even mend him, and I was wrong. I let him down.”
He met Tyler's gaze for only a moment, and Tyler suspected he'd never told anyone this before.
”After Karl, I never went back into that world. I picked up guys, f.u.c.ked them in the dark and left before they woke. I couldn't risk getting involved with anyone. I didn't want to hurt someone again, or be hurt. Then I saw you. Actually, I heard you before I saw you. You were throwing up before the concert. I heard Flowers tear a strip off you because of the way you were dressed and you stood with your back toward me flicking your wrist with your finger and thumb and my c.o.c.k went rock hard. Then I saw you on stage and I don't think I heard a thing you played-sorry. But in that moment, I moved from thoughts of a hot night in bed, to the idea of something more permanent. Except I didn't think you'd want me, not once you'd got to know me, seen my back-”
”You think I'm so shallow? Are you so shallow?”
”I'm ashamed of the way I look. No one has ever seen my back in daylight. No one but you. I've never really opened my heart to anyone but you. I take calculated risks all the time in my business, but you are the biggest one I've taken because I risked everything.”
”You don't think I did too?” Tyler whispered. ”You came to mean more and more to me, and I could no sooner have turned away from you than stop the earth spinning. I thought, if this ends with me broken, so be it. But as every day pa.s.sed, I thought: he won't break me, he loves me and one day, he'll tell me. But you didn't because you don't.”
Haris swallowed hard. ”I...I do love you. I should have told you.”
This wasn't the way Tyler wanted to hear those words he'd been waiting for. ”Why didn't you?”