39 INSECURITY (1/2)

Running in loop, I don't know why did I suddenly dream about that man again… after so long, his face become a blurry one though the fear that he could make me miserable..

”You should be grateful, that I picked you up.”

”Do you think there are any living human male will ever look at you? Or will take you as their girlfriend??”

”You are nothing!!” On and on.. his words that broke my confidence and shatter the core of who I am, haunted me in a limbo of nightmare. I ran and ran and close my ears.

I whimpered and woke up in a start.

Rubbing my face with both of my palm, then staring at it.. my hands trembled slightly. I was breathing hard and sweating like a pig. I don't like this.. I wish there I could just forget about him.. Maybe I should just wiped out the part where he presides in my mind?

”Whats wrong, sweetheart?” A voice shook me out from my thoughts, and I look up in daze.

Kuro had just finished his shower and look exceptionally clean and fresh.

Trying to tamp down my fear and insecurity, I managed to croak out ”nothing”

That stopped his movement and his sharp gaze turn to me.

”That doesn't sound nothing” I looked away. Maybe this life is too good to be true.. yes… how could this man, beauty that could ruin a country, caring and loving one would love me? Would accept me.. impossible..

'I'm not worth it' my heart whispered brokenly..

”I need to go” I flipped out the blanket on top of me and stood up. But Kuro appeared in front of me in instant, a citrus kinda smell tickled my nose.

”No. You don't get to run every time something bothering you, my wife.. you need to tell me what's wrong so we can talk this through”

”It's nothing”

”No its not. You're trembling, your face is pale and your beautiful eyes look completely dead…” he touch my cheek and brush it gently.

”Tell me, Iiana.. you are not alone..” he added gently, treating me like a glass that might shatter anytime. Maybe I am a glass for another cracked would end me right there and then.

A tear dropped down my face and I look at him straight in to his eyes.

”Am I worthy to be me? To be my kids mother… your wife?”