Part 9 (1/2)
”Wups! Slow down, Minerva-Dora is my my s.h.i.+p. I left her asleep on purpose. Have you wakened her?” s.h.i.+p. I left her asleep on purpose. Have you wakened her?”
”I did so, Lazarus. By self-program under new overriding program. But I can tell her to go back to sleep now; I have all data I need at the moment.”
”You try telling Dora to go back to sleep and she'll tell you to buzz off. At least. At the very least. Minerva dear, you goofed. You have no authority to wake my s.h.i.+p.”
”I am most sorry to disagree with the Senior, sir, but I do have authority to take all appropriate actions to carry out any program given to me by Mr. Chairman Pro Tem.”
Lazarus frowned. ”You mixed her up, Ira; now you straighten her out. I can't do anything with her.”
I sighed. Minerva is rarely difficult-but when she is, she is even more pigheaded than flesh-and-blood. ”Minerva-”
”Waiting orders, Ira.”
”I am Chairman Pro Tem. You know what that means. The Senior is senior even to me. You will not touch anything of his without his permission. That applies to his yacht and to this suite and to anything else of his. You will carry out any program he gives you. If it conflicts with a program I have given you and you cannot resolve the conflict, you will consult me at once, waking me if I am asleep, interrupting whatever I may be doing. But you will not not disobey him. This instruction super-overrides all other programs. Acknowledge.” disobey him. This instruction super-overrides all other programs. Acknowledge.”
”Acknowledged and running,” she answered meekly. ”I'm sorry, Ira.”
”My fault, Little Nag, not yours. I should not have given you a new controlling program without noting the Senior's prerogatives.”
”No harm done, kids,” Lazarus said. ”I hope. Minerva, a word of advice, dear. You've never been a pa.s.senger in a s.h.i.+p.”
”No, sir.”
”You'll find it different from anything you've ever experienced. Here you give orders, in Ira's name. But pa.s.sengers never give orders. Never Never. Remember it.” Lazarus added to me, ”Dora is a nice little s.h.i.+p, Ira, helpful and friendly. She can find her way through multiple s.p.a.ce with just a hint, the roughest approximation-and still have all your meals on time. But she needs to feel appreciated. Pet her and tell her she's a good girl, and she'll wriggle like a puppy. But ignore her and she'll spill soup on you just to get your attention.”
”I'll be careful,” I agreed.
”And you you be careful, Minerva-because you are going to need Dora's good will much more than she will need yours. You may know far more than she does-I'm sure you do. But you grew up to be chief bureaucrat of a planet while she grew up to be a s.h.i.+p . . so what you know doesn't count-once you are aboard.” be careful, Minerva-because you are going to need Dora's good will much more than she will need yours. You may know far more than she does-I'm sure you do. But you grew up to be chief bureaucrat of a planet while she grew up to be a s.h.i.+p . . so what you know doesn't count-once you are aboard.”
”I can learn,” Minerva said plaintively. ”I can self-program to learn astrogation and s.h.i.+phandling at once, from the planetary library. I'm very bright.”
Lazarus sighed again. ”Ira, do you know the ancient Chinese ideogram for 'trouble'?”
I admitted that I did not.
”Don't bother to guess. It's 'Two Women Under One Roof.' We're going to have problems. Or you will. Minerva, you are not bright. You are stupid-when it comes to handling another woman. If you want to learn multiple-s.p.a.ces astrogation-fine. But not from a library. Persuade Dora to teach you. But never forget that she is mistress in her own s.h.i.+p and don't try to show her how bright you are. Bear in mind instead that she likes attention.”
”I will try, sir,” Minerva answered him, with humility she rarely shows to me. ”Dora wants to get your attention right now.”
”Oh-oh! What sort of mood is she in?”
”Not a good mood, Lazarus. I have not admitted that I know where you are, as I am under a standing instruction not to discuss your affairs unnecessarily. But I did accept a message for you without guaranteeing that I could deliver it.”
”Just right. Ira, the papers with my will include a program to wash me out of Dora's memories without touching her skills. But the trouble you started by grabbing me out of that flophouse has spread. She's awake with her memories intact, and she's probably scared. The message, Minerva.”
”It's several thousand words, Lazarus, but the semantic content is short. Will you have that first?”
”Okay, the summary meaning.”
”Dora wants to know where you are and when you are coming to see her. The rest could be described as onomatopoesy, semantically null but highly emotional-that is to say, cursing, pejoratives, and improbable insults in several languages-”
”Oh, boy.”
”-including one language I do not know but from context and delivery I a.s.sume tentatively that it is more of the same, but stronger.”
Lazarus covered his face with a hand. ”Dora is cussing in Arabic again. Ira, this is worse than I thought.”
”Sir, shall I replicate just the sounds not in my vocabularies? Or will you have the complete message?”
”No, no, no! Minerva, do you cuss?”
”I have never had reason to, Lazarus. But I was much impressed by Dora's command of the art.”
”Don't blame Dora; she was subjected to a bad influence when she was very young. Me.”
”May I have permission to file her message in my permanents? So that I may cuss if needed?”
”You do not not have permission. If Ira wants you to learn to cuss, he'll teach you himself. Minerva, can you arrange a telephone hookup from my s.h.i.+p to this suite? Ira, I might as well cope with it now; it won't get better.” have permission. If Ira wants you to learn to cuss, he'll teach you himself. Minerva, can you arrange a telephone hookup from my s.h.i.+p to this suite? Ira, I might as well cope with it now; it won't get better.”
”Lazarus, I can arrange a standard telephone hookup if that is what you want. But Dora could speak to you at once via the duo in your suite that I am now using.”
”Oh. Fine!”
”Shall I supply her with holographic signal, too? Or is sound enough?”
”Sound is enough. More than enough, probably. Will you be able to hear, too?”
”If you wish, Lazarus. But you can have privacy if that is your wish.”
”Stick around; I may need a referee. Put her on.”
”Boss?” It was the voice of a timid little girl. It made me think of skinned knees, and no b.r.e.a.s.t.s as yet, and big, tragic eyes.
Lazarus answered, ”Right here, baby.”
”Boss! G.o.d d.a.m.n your lousy soul to h.e.l.l!-what do you mean by running off and not letting me know where you are? Of all the filthy, flea-bitten-” G.o.d d.a.m.n your lousy soul to h.e.l.l!-what do you mean by running off and not letting me know where you are? Of all the filthy, flea-bitten-”
”Pipe down!”
The timid-little-girl voice returned. ”Aye, aye, Skipper,” it said uncertainly.
”Where I go and when I go and how long I stay are none of your business. Your business is to pilot and to keep house, that's all.”
I heard a sniffle, exactly like a small child sniffing back tears. ”Yes, Boss.”
”You were supposed to be alseep. I put you to bed myself.”