Part 37 (2/2)
It is impossible for a man to love his wife wholeheartedly without loving all women somewhat. I suppose that the converse must be true of women.
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You can go wrong by being too skeptical as readily as by being too trusting.
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Formal courtesy between husband and wife is even more important than it is between strangers.
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Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
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Don't store garlic near other victuals.
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Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
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Pessimist by policy, optimist by temperament-it is possible to be both. How? By never taking an unnecessary chance and by minimizing risks you can't avoid. This permits you to play out the game happily, untroubled by the certainty of the outcome.
Do not confuse ”duty” with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have a.s.sumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect.
But there is no reward at all for doing what other people expect of you, and to do so is not merely difficult, but impossible. It is easier to deal with a footpad than it is with the leech who wants ”just a few minutes of your time, please-this won't take long.” Time is your total capital, and the minutes of your life are painfully few. If you allow yourself to fall into the vice of agreeing to such requests, they quickly s...o...b..ll to the point where these parasites will use up 100 percent of your time-and squawk for more!
So learn to say No-and to be rude about it when necessary.
Otherwise you will not have time to carry out your duty, or to do your own work, and certainly no time for love and happiness. The termites will nibble away your life and leave none of it for you.
(This rule does not mean that you must not do a favor for a friend, or even a stranger. But let the choice be yours. yours. Don't do it because it is ”expected” of you.) Don't do it because it is ”expected” of you.) [image]
”I came, I saw, she conquered.” (The original Latin seems to have been garbled.) [image]
A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
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Animals can be driven crazy by placing too many in too small a pen. h.o.m.o sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself.
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Don't try to have the last word. You might get it.
VARIATIONS ON A THEME.
XIII.
Boondock
”Ira,” said Lazarus Long, ”have you looked at this list?” He was lounging in the office of Colony Leader Ira Weatheral at Boondock, largest (only) settlement on the planet Tertius. With them was Justin Foote 45th, freshly arrived from New Rome, Secundus.
”Lazarus. Arabelle addressed that letter to you. Not to me.”
”That preposterous puff-gut will get me annoyed yet. Her Extreme Ubiquity Madam Chairman Pro Tem Arabelle Foote-Hedrick seems to think she has been crowned Queen of the Howards. I'm tempted to go back and pick up that gavel.” Lazarus pa.s.sed the list to Weatheral. ”Give it a gander, Ira. Justin, did you have anything to do with this?”
”No, Senior. Arabelle told me to deliver it and instructed me to brief you in ways to insure delivery of Delay Mail from various eras-which does present problems for pre-Diaspora dates. But I don't consider her ideas practical. If I may say so, I know more Terran history than she does.”
”I'm certain you do. I think she cribbed that list from an encyclopedia. Don't bother me with her notions. Oh, you can transcribe them and give me the cube, but I shan't play it. I want your your ideas. Justin.” ideas. Justin.”
”Thank you, Ancestor-”
”Call me 'Lazarus.'”
” ' Lazarus.' The official reason for my visit is to report to her on this colony-”
”Justin,” Ira put in quickly, ”does Arabelle think she has jurisdiction over Tertius?”
”I'm afraid so, Ira.”
Lazarus snorted. ”Well, she hasn't. But she's so far away it can't hurt if she wants to call herself 'Empress of Tertius.' Our situation is this, Justin. Ira is Colony Leader, we are still shaking down. I'm Mayor-Ira does the work, but I bang the gavel at community meetings-there are always colonists who think that a colony can operate like a big-city planet, so I preside to throw cold water on damfoolishness. When I'm ready to start this time-travel junket, we'll eliminate the job of Colony Leader and Ira will take over as Mayor.
”But feel free to look over the joint, count noses, examine any records, do as you like. Welcome to Tertius, the biggest little colony this side of Galactic Center. Make yourself at home, son.”
”Thank you. Lazarus, I would be staying-colonizing-but I want to remain Chief Archivist until I finish editing your memoirs.”
Lazarus said, ”Oh, that that junk-b.u.m it up! Gather ye rosebuds, man!” junk-b.u.m it up! Gather ye rosebuds, man!”
Ira said, ”Lazarus, don't talk that way. I put up with your whims for years to get it on record.”
”Piffle. I paid you back when I grabbed the gavel and kept the Ugly d.u.c.h.ess from banis.h.i.+ng you to Felicity. You got what you want-why do you care about my memoirs?”
”I care.”
”Well-Maybe Justin can edit them here. Athene! Pallas Athene, are you there, honey?”
”Listening, Lazarus,” came a sweet soprano voice from a speaker over Ira's desk.
”Your memories include my memoirs, do they not?”
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