Part 40 (1/2)
”Justin, I'll sell either one of them cheap. Still better price on a package deal.”
”Uh . . thank you, Lazarus, but I'm afraid that they might cry at me me-then I I would go all to pieces. Can we change the subject? How did you manage to put over this triple, uh, irregularity? May one ask? Doctor Hildegarde runs a very taut organization.” would go all to pieces. Can we change the subject? How did you manage to put over this triple, uh, irregularity? May one ask? Doctor Hildegarde runs a very taut organization.”
”Well, in the case of those two little angels over there-”
”Sarcasm now-”
”-and not clever.”
”-I was flummoxed quite as much as Nelly Hildegarde. At the time, Ishtar Hardy, that one's mother-”
”No, her mother.”
”You two are interchangeable parts, and besides, you were mixed up the week you were born, and n.o.body knows which you are; you don't know yourself.”
”Oh, yes, I do! Sometimes she goes away, but I'm always right here.”
Lazarus paused in midflight, looked thoughtful. ”That may be the most succinct statement of the solipsist thesis I've ever heard. Write it down.”
”If I did, you'd take credit for it.”
”I simply want to save it for posterity . . a notion incompatible with the thesis itself. Minerva, you preserve it for me.”
”Recorded, Lazarus.”
”Minerva has almost as exact a memory as she had when she was a computer. I was saying: Ishtar was temporarily Clinic boss, Nelly having gone on leave, so access to my tissue was no problem. I was then in a state of acute anhedonia, and their mothers cooked up this notion for restoring my interest in life. The only problem was to do gene surgery not permitted by the rules of Secundus Clinic. How and who-I was told firmly not to inquire. You can ask Minerva; she was in on the swindle.”
”Lazarus, that was a memory I did not bring along when I was selecting what to fit into this skull.”
”You see, Justin? I'm allowed to know only what they think is good for me. As may be, this heroic treatment worked; I have not been bored since. Other descriptives might apply-but not that one.”
”Lori, do you sense a double entendre?”
”No, merely a thinly veiled innuendo. Ignore it with dignity.”
”But at first I didn't know my odd relations.h.i.+p to this pair. Oh, I couldn't help knowing that Ishtar, and Hamadryad-one of Ira's daughters; you've met her?”
”Years back. A lovely girl.”
”Quite. Both of their mothers are lovely. I couldn't help knowing that both were pregnant; they were spending most of their time with me. But although they were swelling up like poisoned pups, they ignored it, so I didn't inquire.”
Justine nodded. ”Privacy.”
”Naw, just hard-nosed. I've never let the privacy custom keep me from snooping when it suited me. I was miffed, that's all. Here two girls are with me every day and like daughters to me and obviously as knocked up as Pharaoh's Daughter-and they tell me nit. So I got stubborn and outsat them. Till one day Galahad-he's their husband-well, not exactly; you'll see-Galahad invites me downstairs, and here they have, one each, the two prettiest little redheads I ever saw.”
”Shall we let him off one cry?”
”You got over it; you both look like me me now.” now.”
”Or do we add a third cry for that that?”
”I still don't smell a mouse; I'm simply pleased. As well as amazed that they had produced babies that looked like identical twins-”
”Which we are, except that we're triplets.”
”But some weeks of playing with these babies causes my natural genius and suspicious mind to infer that the girls have pulled a whizzer. I was not then in the sperm bank so far as I knew, but I am well aware of tricks that can be played on a helpless client undergoing antigeria, so with unerring logic I reach the wrong answer: These babies are my daughters by artificial insemination unmentioned to me. So I accuse them of it. And they deny it. And I explain that I am not angry, but quite the contrary I hope hope these little cherubs are mine.” these little cherubs are mine.”
” 'Cherubs.' ”
”Ignore it. He's simply trying to con Mr. Foote.”
”Cherubs at that time, I mean, aside from a tendency to bite. That I want want them to be mine and share my name and fortunes. So they confer with their fellow conspirators-Minerva and Galahad-Minerva was in it up to her overload safeties.” them to be mine and share my name and fortunes. So they confer with their fellow conspirators-Minerva and Galahad-Minerva was in it up to her overload safeties.”
”Lazarus, you needed needed a family.” a family.”
”Quite right, dear. I'm always better off with a family; it keeps me harmlessly occupied and unbored. Justin, did I mention that Minerva allowed me to adopt her?”
”We weren't asked!”
”Look, kids, under the loose rules of this termite hill I can unadapt you this minute, if such be your wish. Cut the tie. Be just your genetic brother through circ.u.mstances I had no more part in than you had. Renounce all authority over you two. Let me know.”
The two girls looked at each other briefly. Then one said, ”Lazarus-”
”Yes, Lorelei?”
”Lapis Lazuli and I have discussed it, and we both think that you are just exactly the father we want.”
”Thank you, my dears.”
”And to confirm it, we are canceling two cries and a chin quiver.”
”That's most pleasing.”
”And besides that, we want to be cuddled . . because we are feeling very immature, insecure, and frightened.”
Lazarus blinked. ”I don't want you to feel that way, ever. But-Well, can the cuddling wait?”
”Oh, certainly-Father. We know we have a guest. But perhaps you and Mr. Foote would join us in bathing? Before dinner?”
”Well, Justin? Bathing with my h.e.l.lions is squirmy but fun. I don't do it often because they turn it into a social event and waste time. Suit yourself; don't let your arm be twisted.”
”A bath I certainly need. I was clean when I was sealed into that pod-but how long was I in it? I really don't know. And a bath should always be a social event if there is time . . and good company. Thank you, ladies; I accept.”
”And I accept, too,” put in Minerva. ”I'm inviting myself. Justin, Tertius is primitive compared with Secundus, but our family refresher is nice and quite large enough for sociability. 'Decadent,' as Lazarus calls it.”
”I designed it to be decadent, Justin. Good plumbing is the finest flower of decadence and one I have always enjoyed when I could get it.”
”Uh-my clothes are still in Ira's office. Even my toiletries. Absentminded, I'm sorry.”
”No matter. Ira may fetch your bag, but he's absentminded, too. Depilatories, deodorants, scents-no problem. I'll lend you a toga or something.”