Part 19 (1/2)
Max To: Max Friedlander
From: Sebastian Leandro < Subject: Look, man You up and leave during our busiest season. And I'm not saying I blame you. I mean,it's Vivica. I'd have done the same thing. But you can't disappear for three months in this business and expect to be able simply to pick up where you left off. New talent moves in. There are some real money-hungry kids out there who are good. Real good.And they don't charge as much as you do, pal. But that is not to say Im not trying. I WILL find something for you. But you've got to give me some time.I'll get in touch as soon as I hear of anything, I swear.
Sebastian
To: Sebastian Leandro < From: Max Friedlander
Subject: So you're saying I've gone from one of the top photographers in the country to NOTHING??? In a little more than ninety days? That's what you're asking me to believe? Thanks. Thanks for nothing.
To: Lenore Fleming < From: Max Friedlander
Subject: SOS
LENORE! IT'S ME AGAIN. VIVICA. THANKS FOR THE WALLET. I GOT IT. I DECIDED NOT TO LEAVE RIGHT AWAY. I WANTED TO GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE, YOU KNOW. I THOUGHT MAYBE HE WOULD APOLOGIZE. BECAUSE I KNOW HE IS REALLY VERY DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH ME. BUT HE TOTALLY DIDN'T! APOLOGIZE, I MEAN. IN FACT, IF ANYTHING, NOW HE HAS GOTTEN MEANER. YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT HE SAID LAST NIGHT. HE SAID HE DOES NOT WANT TO MARRY ME, AND THAT HE NEVER DID. HE SAYS HE DOES NOT WANT TO HAVE BABIES WITH ME, OR EVEN SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH ME!!! LENORE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? I JUST KEEP CRYING AND CRYING. I CAN'T BELIEVE HE WOULD DO THIS TO ME. I CAN'T BELIEVE HE WOULD SPEND THREE MONTHS WITH ME IN KEY WEST, AND THEN TURN AROUND AND SAY HE DOESN'T WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH ME. I HAVE NEVER FELT SO USED. LENORE, YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME. I KNOW YOU HAVE HAD LOTS OF EXPERIENCE WITH MEN. AFTER ALL, YOU ARE SO OLD--ALMOST 30. YOU MUST KNOW OF SOME WAY I CAN GET HIM TO LOVE ME. PLEASE HELP.
To: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k < From: Mel Fuller < Subject: I don't know about you but I had a fabulous time last night. Didn't you have fun? I mean, everything was so perfect: the squid ink pasta was delicious, and the boys seemed to get along so well-didn't you think they got along? Tony and John, I mean. Not that I know anything about college basketball, but that discussion they had about it seemed pretty lively. Don't you see how wrong you were about him now? About John, I mean. I haven't exactly brought up the iced nipple thing with him, but don't you think that's just what readers of the SI swimsuit edition expect? I mean, it seems like that's just part of his job.
All I'm saying is, we should definitely do it again, and soon. But not this weekend,because this is the weekend we're spending at that ski cabin John's friend is loaning him.And, I don't want to jinx anything, but last night I offered to feed Tweedle Dum and Mr. Peepers while John was walking Paco, and I just happened to spot a Tiffany's bagpeeking out from John's overnight bag. You know, the one he's taking for the weekend.That's right. A Tiffany's bag. I know. I know. I am not getting excited. It could be anything. It could be the bag he carries his socks in when he travels. Who knows?But what if it's...you know. It could be. It really could be. That's all I'm going to say.
Mel
To: Mel Fuller < From: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k < Subject: Are you serious?
You seriously think he's going to propose? Melissa, the two of you have only been going out for a couple of months. Less, even. I don't want to be a wet blanket, but I really don't think you should get your hopes up. I bet anything if you'd looked in that bag you'd have seen socks. Men are weird that way.
Nadine To: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k < From: Mel Fuller < Subject: I should have looked, shouldn't I?
I just couldn't. It just seemed so...wrong. To look, I mean.But Nadine, lots of people have gotten engaged after having gone out way less time thanJohn and I have been together. Seriously, I think my parents knew each other for aboutten minutes before they decided to get married. Not that I think that's what's in the bag. A ring, I mean. I totally don't. I'm sure it's just socks.But what if it isn't? That's all I'm saying. A girl can dream, can't she?
Mel
To: Mel Fuller < From: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k < Subject: So I take it that if it is a ring, you intend to say yes? Is that it?Not that I think you shouldn't. Only....Only there's nothing wrong with waiting. Really. I mean, you should at least, out ofcommon decency, wait until his aunt is out of her coma, or dead. Whichever comes first.Don't you think?
Nadine
To: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k < From: Mel Fuller < Subject: I guess
you're right. About waiting to see what happens with Mrs. Friedlander. That would bepretty cold, to go around announcing our engagement, when she's still in a coma.G.o.d, I don't even know what I'm talking about. There's no ring in that bag. I'm sure it'ssocks. It has to be socks. Right?
To: Tony Salerno < From: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k < Subject: Mel
Well, it's all over. He's proposing. This weekend, it looks like, in the romantic ski cabin he's borrowing for the occasion. I'm not saying I disapprove. I mean, I like the guy. I really do. It's just that...I don't know. I can't shake this bad feeling I have about all this. What's wrong with me?
Nadine To: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k < From: Tony Salerno < Subject: What's wrong with you
Nothing's wrong with you. You just want your friend to be happy. And I don't blame you. I want Mel to be happy, too. She deserves to be happy, and not just because Freddie Prinze is going out with Sarah Mich.e.l.le Gellar, or whatever else it is she writes about.
But in order for people to be happy, sometimes they have to take risks. It's true those risks can put them in danger of being hurt. I think that's what's freaking you out about Mel. She just met this guy. He's got an iffy rep in the hood. Hooking up with him is a major risk. But I think to her, it's worth it. So you just have to stand back and let her make her own decisions and stop being such a freaking psycho about it. I mean, who do you think is good enough for her, anyway? Me? Well, I happen to be taken. And you know what happened when we tried fixing Mel up with my brother Sal.... Hey, if the two of them do work it out and decide to get hitched, we could have a double wedding. What do you think about that? Just kidding.
Tone To: Mel Fuller < From: [email protected] Subject: Vermont Okay, so have you got your long underwear? I hear it can get cold at night up there. I'm going to pick up the car at seven, so we can be on the road by eight. Think you can be up and around by then? I know it will be a challenge to you. Fortunately, I, unlike some people, will never hold your perpetual tardiness against you. I'm renting a full size vehicle in the hopes that Paco will fit into the backseat. What do you think the chances are that he won't insist on sticking his head out the window and drooling on anyone we pa.s.s? And do you think they ticket for that kind of thing? Flinging dog drool on innocent pa.s.sers-by?
John To: [email protected] From: Mel Fuller < Subject: Vermont I can be ready by eight. What do you think I am, some kind of sloth?I think Paco will be fine in the backseat. It's Tweedle Dum and Mr. Peepers I'm worriedabout. I know Ralph said he'd feed them, but I highly doubt he'll stay to pet them oranything. I mean, he's totally afraid of getting animal hair on his doorman uniform.Maybe we should offer to have it dry cleaned for him when we get back.You're kidding about the long underwear, right?
Mel
To: Mel Fuller < From: Dolly Vargas < Subject: Vermont Darling, I hear you're going up north with him for the weekend. That is just so St Elmo'sFire. Are you going to wear Love's Baby Soft and a big turtleneck sweater?Seriously, I just wanted to give you a few eensy weensy tips before you go, becauseyou're such a little innocent about these kind of things.
1.DO NOT allow him to put your name down on the rental agreement. Then you will have no choice but t o drive should he ask you to. And nothing looks tackier than a woman driving with a man in the pa.s.senger seat. Members.h.i.+p in the feminist movement=lifelong spinsterhood.
2.DO NOT offer to go out to get a log for the fire from the wood pile. I have found that spiders often live in wood piles. Let him do the wood gathering, for G.o.d's sake.
3.DO offer to cook breakfast, and make it a hearty one, preferably with sausages.
For some reason, men seem to love to ingest foods soaked in saturated fats w hen they are in the woods. He will show his appreciation for you in all the right ways.
4.DO bring your own CDs. If you don't, you'll be listening to the Grateful Dead and War all weekend long--not to mention--I shudder to write it--Blood, Sweat, and Tears.
5.DO bring earplugs. Men who ordinarily don't snore are p.r.o.ne to do so in the woods, due to various allergens that don't exist in the city.
6.DO NOT let him shower first. Cabins have notoriously little hot water, and he will use it all up, leaving you none. Insist on being the first to bathe.
7.DO NOT forget to bring edible body oils with you. They simply do not sell such things in these backwater towns, so if you forget them, it's all over.I hope this helps, sweetie. And don't forget, have fun!
x.x.xOOO.
Dolly
To: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k <