Part 33 (1/2)
”Him?”
Victoria sighed. ”Lord Danvers.”
Arabella's brow furrowed. ”What does he have to say to the matter?”
”He is the reason I am here. His lords.h.i.+p sent a s.h.i.+p to France this week to escort me home to England.
His secretary met me in Dover yesterday, and his carriage brought me here today.”
Marcus had hunted down her mother in France? Arabella wondered, a little stunned. ”Whatever for?”
”Because he has hopes that I can reconcile with my daughters. At the very least, he is determined that I explain...and apologize to you for what I did.”
Her eyes widened as she stared at her mother. ”What explanation could you possibly give that would excuse abandoning your children the heartless way you did? You walked out of our lives, Mama, without even a single word of farewell, and then left us to deal with Papa's death all alone.”
”I am so very sorry, Arabella.”
Her mouth tightened. ”Isn't it a bit late for apologies? It all happened a long time ago, so I'm not certain there is any point in even discussing it.”
Wincing, Victoria held up a hand. ”Please, won't you at least listen to my side of the tale?”
”Very well,” Arabella said finally.
”You had best sit down. It is a long story.”
Reluctantly, she moved to claim a wing chair across from the settee. Her mother searched her face for a long moment before finally saying in a low voice, ”Truly, I am sorry for ruining your life, Arabella. I never meant to hurt you and Roslyn and Lilian.”
”But you did, Mama.” A savage ache tightened her throat. ”More than you can imagine. We were all devastated by your leaving, especially Lily. She cried for weeks afterward.”
”I...know. I should have considered how my conduct would have affected you. I should have put my daughters first. But once I took the first step, my actions became irrevocable.”
”I don't see how.”
Victoria bit her lower lip. ”You have to understand how bitterly unhappy my marriage to your father was.”
”Oh, I understand, ” Arabella responded. ”How could I not after watching you and Papa fight so savagely for so many years? But your unhappiness hardly justifies adultery.”
Victoria winced again as if from a blow. ”Perhaps not, but I was terribly lonely. I am sure you know that your father kept a series of mistresses.”
”I could hardly be ignorant of the fact,” Arabella said, her tone acrid.
”Charles once was discreet about his affairs, but when he began flaunting his mistresses in my face, I couldn't bear it any longer.”
”So you took a lover because you wanted revenge.”
”It was not that simple, Arabella. I suppose I wanted revenge, but mostly I wanted...intimacy. I met Henri Vachel in London. He had come to England as a boy, after his parents were guillotined during the Terror. His mother's family was English, so he lived with them in Surrey. Henri was so gentle and kind....
After your father's neglect, it is not surprising that I responded to him.”
When Arabella remained silent, Victoria plowed ahead doggedly. ”When your father found out, he was furious about being cuckolded. It was perfectly permissible for him to make a mockery of our marriage vows but not his lady wife. Charles demanded that I leave England and never show my face again, and he threatened to kill Henri if I didn't. I knew he would, Arabella.”
She gave a skeptical frown. ”That is not what Papa told us. He said you developed a violent pa.s.sion for your lover and fled to France to be with him.”
”Of course Charles would claim so, since he wished to make me the villain. But it wasn't true. I didn't love Henri. Not then. And I only left because your father compelled me to do so.”
Crossing her arms defensively over her chest, Arabella stared. ”Papa was killed two weeks later in a duel, Mama. You could have returned to England then.”
”No, I could not,” Victoria said with regret. ”Because of the war it was months before I learned I was a widow, and by then my stepbrother had guardians.h.i.+p of you. Lionel was so enraged with me, he refused to let me return. He vowed to withdraw his financial support for you and your sisters-to throw you out into the streets-if I didn't keep away so that the scandal could die down. In any event...I thought you were better off without me after the disgrace I caused.”
Arabella's resistance softened a little. Was it possible Mama hadn't completely turned her back on her daughters after all? It was at least believable that their step-uncle had threatened to drive them from his home, since he had never wanted responsibility for them in the first place. But that did not wholly absolve her mother's deeds. ”You could have written, Mama.”
”I did. Every week for a full year. Henri used his smuggling connections to have my letters delivered from France. But I never knew what happened to them until just recently. Lionel burned them all.”
”How can you possibly know that?”
”Your butler, Simpkin, told Lord Danvers. Danvers questioned him quite carefully about the matter.
Lionel flew into a rage each time one of my letters arrived and threw every one in the fire. If you don't believe me, you may talk to Simpkin. He can confirm that account. Lionel hated me so much by then that he cut off all communication with me.”
That version of events had a ring of truth to it, Arabella admitted. The elderly butler and housekeeper *
had served her step-uncle at Danvers Hall for decades and so would have been privy to much of the late earl's affairs.
Her thoughts whirling as chaotically as her disquieted emotions, she stared at her mother, wondering if she dared believe the rest of her tale. Had Victoria's abandonment of her daughters truly been out of her control? Because she had been banished from England, first by her husband and then by her stepbrother?
If so, then was it also possible their father had lied to them all along about Mama's devotion to her lover?
Keenly troubled by the notion, Arabella cleared her throat, but her next question still came out hoa.r.s.ely.
”You said you did not love Monsieur Vachel at first. What did you mean by that?”
Victoria's smile was less bleak this time. ”Our liaison was only physical in the beginning, but my feelings for him grew over time. Henri stood by me when I had nowhere to turn. He not only offered me protection but shared my banishment, taking me to his father's home in Brittany. Not many men would have been so caring and unselfish. In the end, I came to love him. I couldn't help myself. I...married him eventually, Arabella. I am no longer Lady Loring. I am simply Madame Vachel. You have a stepfather.”
Arabella fell silent. It seemed strange to think of her mother as remarried. But she was more disturbed by Victoria's other revelations. All this time she and her sisters had been lead to believe that their mother deserted them because she fell madly in love. But apparently that wasn't true. Victoria hadn't lost her head because of love- Her thoughts were interrupted just then by her mother asking in a small voice, ”Do you think you could ever come to forgive me, Arabella?”
Arabella looked away. She was dismayed to think she had misjudged her mother all this time. Even more dismayed to imagine what Victoria had endured these past few years. Yet the pain of losing her was still very real. All the sorrow and anger and bitterness could not instantly be healed by learning there had been extenuating circ.u.mstances that made choosing her lover over her daughters more explicable.
”I will have to think about it, Mama,” Arabella finally said.
”Of course you need time to digest what I have told you. And I will understand if you cannot find it in your heart to forgive me...if you want me to leave.” Her shoulders hunched as if braced against a blow, Victoria murmured quietly, ”I will return to France for good if you wish me to.”
”I am not certain what I want.” Arabella raised her hand to her temple. ”I cannot decide anything just yet. I must talk to Roslyn and Lily first.”
”I would like to see them,” Victoria said hesitantly.
Not wanting to increase her mother's misery, she kept her voice soft when she replied. ”It's possible they may not wish to see you, Mama. Lily is very hurt, and so is Roslyn.”
”I...understand.” She twisted her fingers together helplessly. ”If you choose to reach me, I will be staying at the Red Boar in Chiswick. Henri came with me to England, and we intend to remain there for a few days before traveling to Surrey. Henri wishes to see his family there.”