Chapter 4 (1/2)

The terrible moments of that time were vividly imprinted on my body.

The death of Selemion, the carriage burned by the priests who had involved to kill me, and even the fire in the orphanage where I lived.

Before I returned, I had to watch everything helplessly. Nothing was kept. I couldn’t protect anything.

“I didn’t encounter the priests so I didn’t have to use divine power.”

My father’s hand went right up to my words. Normally, I would’ve closed my eyes as soon as his hand raised. But this time I didn’t avoid it. I opened my eyes and looked straight at him.

“Isn’t it more suspicious if a prospective saint keeps hiding? It’s the job of a prospective saint to pray daily.”

In order to protect my precious things, I couldn’t live in the past.

But I was scared. The chance I got, I was worried if I could keep it right.

However, I couldn’t protect anything by just avoiding it. I learned from paying too much in my past life.

“Then what if they find out that you are not capable?”

The fact that I was a fake was my weakness, but it was also a fatal point of my father. So I didn’t have to think about it further.

“The saint said that she gave me a little bit of her divine power. So I’d rather make even small miracle with the divine power I received so people will believe that I’m a real saint.”

Someone who had no divine power made a miracle. It might have been strange. But until I found Ellaner, I had to deceive my father. Believed that I was a well-behaved daughter and that I was ready to become a real saint.

“Hmm, you have a point.”

Fortunately, he managed to pull over. Thanks to this, I now had the chance to meet Astein every day.

“Good. I’ll allow that. Go pray and get divine power again and use it. Don’t forget that’s your way to live.”

It was an impossible future.

The divine power that came just before I die. Maybe it wasn’t mine. Mine was very weak.

“I understand. I will try.”

I responded to him by acting as faithfully as possible. He narrowed his eyes to my changed attitude.

“But you, how on earth have you been with him?”

“It’s exactly what he said before. On the way home from the temple, the carriage tried to avoid the rock, but it was in the mud, so he helped me.”

“You better not get involved with him.”

My father’s eyes narrowed again. The vertical line wrinkles seemed to have a mixture of contempt and disregard for Astein.

“Who is he?”

“Grand Duke of Dandelion. The Emperor’s half brother.”

In his words, I brought up a vague memory a long time ago.

One of the emperor’s half brothers dedicated his land and title to the emperor and disappeared. Some said he was driven out by the hatred of the emperor, while others said that he was assassinated by the emperor.

Could Astein be the missing half brother of the Emperor?

“He is the most hated. I thought that’s because his mother assassinated the emperor’s mother and became the Empress. The Countess’ illegitimate child stole the Empress’ crown and took the position of Empress. That’s why she’s called the devil. Don’t mess with the image of a saint by hanging out with her son.”

It was the moment when I understood the conversation he had with the Saint today.

Astein was sad.

The current emperor was about to die of chronic disease in a year and a half. He had no children. And the subsequent brawl between his brothers. Astein wasted his precious talent and gave up the throne.

“Why is there no answer?”

“I understand…”

“If you are involved in any bad rumors, beware of Karen’s fame. If you caused me trouble, you will not be forgiven.”

I looked at my father, who mentioned one of the reasons why I had to be a fake saint, with slightly resentful eyes.

It felt hurt a little. I had to become a dumping hound because I wasn’t a biological daughter.

As the friction sound rang on my cheeks, the facts touched me more.

“Where do you dare to stare? You must have lost your nerve. But don’t forget your position.”

I couldn’t sleep all night looking for a solution.

༻✿༺

Dark attic, I was still trapped there today. I was still cooling my hot cheeks with my cold hands. It was my punishment because I went out without permission. All the doors were closed and the lights were turned off, they put out all the lamps, so there was no light entering the attic.

I felt abandoned in the dark. My body parts that had been hurt before reversion were throbbing little by little. I was tormented with pain all over my body.

“I hate it…”

How long has it been? By the time the virtual pain had faded, a weak light leaked into the attic.

“My Lady.”

Selemion came by my side through the darkness. The child put something down near me.

“Here’s bread and soup. Tommy told me you didn’t eat anything in the temple. What if you starve all day? Please eat this and pray.”

When Selemion’s worries reached me, my heart shook. She was also the one whom I had to protect. Astein and this little girl who only obeyed me was the one I should protect.

I slowly chewed the hard bread and cold soup that Selemion gave me and swallowed it.

Another long time passed. Selemion, who came again, smiled brightly and opened the door of the attic.

“My Lady, you can come out now.”

The sunset and the moon rose before I knew it. Most people slept, the mansion was quiet.

“Would you like to go to your room?”

“No, I’m going to take a walk a little bit.”

“The Marquis might say something if he sees you walking around.”

Selemion looked back at me, a little uneasy.

“It’s alright. I will avoid him. And I’m going to do some exercises.”

“Exercise?”

After I found out Ellaner and proposed her as a saint, I was planning to reveal the sins of the Marquis. After that, I would run away somewhere and live alone.

However, it was unreasonable to escape with a weak body.

The only thing I knew was how to become a good saint because I was raised to be one, so I studied alone, I also needed time to plan how to live in the future.

“Yes. I have a lot of work to do in the future.”

Selemion looked at me with the eyes of not understanding at all.

“I’ll go alone, so you go to bed first.”

“Yes. But it’s still cold at night, so don’t stay outside for too long.”

After Selemion left, I went to take a walk. Then, I tried to put my hand on my heart. However, divine power was not really mine.

“So be it.”

A fake saint with no divine power. I was still not loved by God.

A deep sigh came out. Maybe in this life, I wished I was a real saint. Then I could’ve stayed in the temple with Astein.

As I walked in contemplation, I went deep into the footpaths. There I saw a gazebo, it was lit up even though it was this late.

“Who is it?”