Chapter 10 (1/2)
Part 1
It was maybe five or ten minutes after midnight. I was sitting in front of my computer in my room when I first noticed the sound. It was faint and dull, but after a few seconds of listening I could make out a definite tune. At first I wondered just what it could be at this time of the day, but then the proverbial iridescent bulb lit up over my head and a second later I was already flying down the stairs towards the living room. There, after some fumbling, I managed to get my new phone out of my coat carelessly discarded on the back of a chair and I accepted the call without even looking at the caller ID.
”Yes, it's Leonard... Errr... ” I paused for a moment, but then the momentary brain freeze was over and I exclaimed, ”Dunning! I mean, Leonard Dunning speaking.”
For a few seconds, there was only faint static in the ether. I wondered if maybe someone called the wrong number, but then at last a familiar voice called out to me.
”Good evening, chief.”
I involuntarily frowned.
”Hi, Judy. I think we are a little beyond evening if you ask me.”
”Did I wake you?”
”Nah, I was researching stuff on the net.”
”Sorry, I... I should have thought about the time.”
That answer threw me off the loop for a moment or two. It wasn't just the apology (though admittedly my assistant didn't strike me as someone who apologized at the drop of a hat), but the tone itself. At first I thought it was just a compression artifact of the connection, but by this point I was sure I heard it right: Judy's voice sounded frail, almost mousy. It made me worry.
”Is everything all right?”
”Yes.”
I waited for her to elaborate, which didn't happen, so I sighed and ventured a guess.
”You couldn't sleep again?”
There was a faint rustle on the other side and I frowned again.
”Please don't tell me you just nodded.”
”Oh...” She sounded genuinely surprised; whether at herself or me, I couldn't tell. ”Force of habit.”
”It's not a big deal, but be aware that it will be kind of hard to uphold a conversation if you don't talk.”
”Sorry.”
”You know, you are apologizing an awful lot. Are you sure everything is all right?”
There was a long, tense pause, during which I most certainly didn't nervously walk up and down in the room like an expectant father at the maternity ward. Eventually Judy spoke again, her voice somehow managing to sound even less secure. Speaking of which, it was weird to hear emotions in her voice like that. Maybe she let her guard down while on the phone? Or maybe it was just that I always focused too much on her severe deficit of facial expressions and never noticed the small nuances in her admittedly enchanting voice?
At any rate, she finally answered, ”I was just... thinking.”
”Oh, that happens even to the best of us. It's nothing to be ashamed of.” There was a stretch of silence between us, and for some reason I felt mother-in-law levels of disapproval emanating from the phone in my hand. ”Sorry, that was... inappropriate?” I grasped for a response. ”So, what were you thinking about?”
”Many things... About the world. About me. About everything.”
”Oooooh...!” I exclaimed as I plopped onto my comfy sofa with a somewhat awkward smile. ”I get it! You are having an existential crisis!”
”I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't bother you with—”
”Oh, no, no!” I interrupted her before she could gather steam. ”It's all right. Having an existential crisis is a perfectly legitimate reason to call me.”
”It is?”
”Yep. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I think anyone would have one in your shoes.”
In truth, the only strange thing about it was how early it happened. Considering that she was a placeholder, I expected the dread to set in much later. After a second or two Judy tentatively asked; ”Even you?”
”Especially me,” I answered with confidence, though I realized how inappropriate that was by the time I said it. Oh well.
”You seem to deal awfully well with it.”
”Oh, that's just the surface. I am screaming incoherently on the inside even as we speak.” There was another stretch of very loud silence and before I knew it I found myself apologizing. ”Sorry, I guess it's not the time to joke about this.” I waited until I heard a noise from her which I choose to interpret as a sign of forgiveness, so I proceeded to do the sensible thing and shamelessly changed the topic. ”So, I guess that's the reason why you couldn't sleep yesterday either.”
”Yes.”
”Why didn't you tell me?”
”I thought you would ridicule me.”
”Wait, do you really think I'm the kind of guy who would do that?” My mouth moved before my brain did, so after a moment of pause I hastily added. ”Wait, no, don't answer that question. I think we are both better off if you didn't.”
”Agreed.”
After another lengthy period of nail-chewing silence, I finally sighed.
”So, why exactly did you call me? How can I help?”
”... I don't know,” she replied in a wispy voice, and I was once again astounded by how different she sounded from her usual level deadpan. ”I think I just wanted to hear your voice.”
”Is that so?” I hesitated for a moment but in the end I told her, ”I guess I should start by apologizing too.”
”You? Why?”
”Well...” I awkwardly scratched the back of my head, though she obviously couldn't see that. ”If you look at the root of the issue, we would not have this conversation if I didn't get you involved, so—”
”Stop.” The word cutting me off was icy cold. ”If you try to tell me you regret involving me, I will be really, really angry at you.”
I smiled awkwardly to myself. I was actually a little curious how an angry Judy would look like, though I concluded that I really didn't want her to be angry at me in particular.
”No, that's not what I wanted to say. I should have just... done it better. Ease you into things. In fact, that's what I originally wanted to do, but I guess I got impatient. Sorry.” She didn't say anything to me, so I cleared my throat aloud and tried to smile while speaking. I cannot attest, but apparently doing so makes one sound friendlier too. Anyways, I said, ”So, do you want to share your worries? Get them off your chest?”
This time there was only the briefest of pauses.
”I shouldn't. It's silly.”
”I don't think it is. Trust me, you'll feel better afterward.”
Judy fell silent, probably collecting her thoughts, and finally spoke up with a slightly firmer voice.
”It is because of our research... I am usually too busy to think about them throughout the day, but when I get to bed they just overwhelm me. Questions. Is this world really just an imitation? Am I even real, or just a figment of someone's imagination? What about my memories? Are they really mine, or just pre-programmed images someone else put into my head? What if all I am, or what I think I am, is a lie? What guarantees that if I go to bed today, I would not be reprogrammed into a different person by the time I wake up? Or if the entire world just ends... Would I even be aware of the moment it happens? And... and...” She let out a pitiful sound that made me wince in sympathy. ”I am rambling. Can you even understand what I want to say?”
”Of course I do,” I answered confidently. ”I have these kinds of thoughts all the time.”
”... You do?” She sounded genuinely surprised.
”Of course I do. I told you it was only natural.”
”How do you deal with it?” she asked so eagerly I tried to imagine what kind of expression would suit such a tone, and I just couldn't overlay it on her face. The image still made me smile though and I leaned forwards in my seat.
”We are both dealing with it already.” I could sense that she didn't get my meaning, so I hurriedly continued. ”Isn't that what our research is all about?”
”Really?”
”Of course! We are collecting data and constructing hypotheses because we are uncertain. Being uncertain is troubling, and being uncertain about heavy topics like your own existence is just plain scary. We are combating this dread by taking the thing that makes us uncertain, observing it, picking it apart, poking its innards, putting it back together, and ultimately attempting to figure out how it works. At that moment it is no longer uncertain, and thus we have nothing to fear.”
”But what if it is something we should fear? Like us not being...” She seemed to struggle for the right word for a while before uttering. ”... real.”
”It is a possibility, but once we know that we can move on. It's better to know things like that than not to.”
”And in the meantime? What do we do until we get our answers?”
”Live in the present,” I answered without a moment of hesitation.
”... What is that supposed to mean?”
”Exactly what it sounds like. So what if the world can end at any moment? So what if you cannot ascertain the continuity of your consciousness? It's not like we can do anything about them right now, and obsessing over them would just turn us into nervous wrecks. Personally, I am not a fan of that. There are so many interesting and fun things out there, new experiences and people to meet, that I find worrying about these things a waste of time and effort better spent elsewhere.”
”So you say we should ignore them and engage in escapism?”
I was once again wondering where she got her vocabulary, but I decided to ask her at the moment was not really prudent.
”No, I advocate enjoying yourself moment by moment. That's what I'm doing whenever I am not doing my research, and usually even when I do. I hang out with Joshua and company, piss off annoying butlers, and make friends with girls that call me in the middle of the night to spill their hearts to me. Stuff like that.”
”This is fun to you?”
”Yeah, I like talking to you.”
There was another long pause ending in a quiet ‘I see...'. Just then I suddenly had a thought.
”Hey, should we go and see the ocean on the weekend?”
There was a silence that decidedly felt more baffled than anything else on the other end of the line.
”... Did you just invite me on a date?”
I pointedly fell silent, though I suppose it had little effect since we have been doing that a lot during our conversation anyway. ”Just for the record, I am currently rolling my eyes. I just thought you should know.”
”So it's not a date?”
”No, it's a research excursion!” I told her with a tired sigh. ”I just discovered today that we live on an island and I want to see the shore. Maybe check out a local port and the ships. See if we can find the boundaries of the world. Take your mind off the vast emptiness of existence by doing something fun and productive. Stuff like that.”
My assistant gave me a small ‘Hmph.' and at last answered, ”Two deluxe cheese sandwiches.”
I sighed. ”Do I have to pay you separately for everything? ... Also, that sounds like compensated dating. It makes me feel dirty.”
”You said it's not a date, so it's fine. Call it compensated research tripping.”
”Might as well... So, should we call it a day for today? We should discuss the details tomorrow and—”
”No!” Judy suddenly exclaimed and it almost made me jump out of my seat. ”I mean...” She mumbled something I couldn't understand.
”Could you repeat that?”
”I said... please talk to me some more. Until I'm ready to fall asleep.”
She sounded surprisingly earnest, like a little kid asking for a bedtime story, but I really didn't want to ruin the moment by poking fun at her.
”Fine, fine. What should I talk about?”
”I don't know...” She hesitated. ”What were you researching when I called you?”
”Oh, it was time travel. Time travel in fiction, I mean.”
”Ah, that sounds perfect to help me fall asleep.”
I involuntarily set my jaw.
”Let me warn you, it will be in the test.”
”What test?”
”The one at the end of the semester.”
”I'm pretty, so I don't need to worry about my grades.”
”Young lady! Your lack of study ethics is appalling! Kids these days just can't appreciate proper education! You have no idea how easy you have it nowadays! Back in my days, we had to mine our own textbooks from the deep, dark crevices of Mount Librarium! You youngsters have everything at your fingertips with your interwebz and social media and... and...”
”And lolcats?”
”Especially lolcats! I truly fear for the future of our country and/or species!”
”Oh, the humanity?”
”Oh, the humanity indeed!”
We both paused for a few seconds, and at least on my end I had a hard time stifling my snickers. At the same time, I also felt really, really relieved that Judy seemed to be back to normal... well, as normal as she can be considered, but I might not have been the best yardstick in that regard.
”So, back to the topic: time travel in fiction.”
”Do you think it happened in this world?” Judy interjected before I could even gather momentum.
”Hm? Oh, no. Or rather, I have no idea, but probably not. Otherwise, we should be up to our necks in paradoxes.”
”Then why did you look into it?”
”Oh, that's a bit of a tangent. You see, I was originally researching school life comedy stories for common tropes and formulas when I came across this particular galge—”
”Galge?”
”Oh, right, you probably don't know this. A galges are romance-focused games about a single male protagonist wooing one or more love interests, except they are more like virtual books with images, and then there are the ones that are all about raising statistics and stuff, and... that's another tangent. The point is, I was looking into this particular eroge—”
”Eroge?”
”It's a game with... well...” I awkwardly scratched my chin and averted my eyes, but then I realized I had nothing to avert them from and instead I just rolled them and muttered; ”... sex.”
”So it's porn?” Judy answered dryly, apparently completely unfazed by the subject matter.
”Not always. At least depending on whom you ask. One of my sources told me most eroge are story-heavy and only have about as much sexual content as your average paperback romance novel while another insisted they are all horrible child-porn made by Satan or something... I think I will need to do more research.”
”For science.”
”Indeed.”
”And it has nothing to do with you trying to hone your flirting skills through virtual training.”
I smiled ruefully and grunted directly into the phone so she could certainly hear it.
”I'm glad to hear you are completely back to normal. Now stop it.”
”Aw. I was scolded.”
”A-ny-ways, there was this one particular story that had time travel in it, so I clicked on a link pointing to that topic and was reading through that when you called. It's actually pretty fascinating.”
And with that, I began my long, detailed, and in no way dry explanation of fictional time travel over the phone. I didn't get too far though, as I was only beginning to explain how the grandfather paradox worked when I noticed my assistant was suspiciously silent.
”Judy? Are you asleep?” I waited for a few seconds for an answer, and after listening very closely I thought I could make out the sounds of a soft, even breathing over the white noise of the phone line. I smiled. ”Good night.”
With that I ended the call and pocketed my phone before I jumped to my feet and headed to my room, already thinking about the research trip we would have on the weekend. I originally wanted to do it on my own, but now that I asked her to accompany me I had to make sure to help her relax properly.
”Before anything else, I should check the local maps for docks. Oh, and a nice shoreline. Are beaches still open at this time of the year? Transportation, food, tickets... I wonder if there is a good movie in the theaters we could watch to wind down?”
Mumbling so I entered my room and tried my best to ignore how excited I sounded.
Part 2
”I tell you, this episode was the best since the third season finale!” Angie declared angrily while waving a still intact fried chicken drumstick in the air.
”Are you serious?” Joshua retorted just as animatedly. ”How can you even compare the two? The action was nowhere near as great!”
”Hey, it had action too, but this finale was great because it focused on drama and romance!”
”Hah! You just say that because your favorite pairing got to be canon!” Josh snorted derisively while crossing his arms in front of his chest.
”Oh, now you did it! You revealed your true colors!” Angie shook her drumstick at Josh while stomping her feet under the table. ”You are like this because Trucy ended up with Elliot instead of Ceraph!”
”Well, she should have!” my friend retorted with a sneer. ”He had three season's worth of buildup and he was totally sidelined in the finale!”
”He has a point,” the class rep quietly interjected while cutting her beef croquettes, not even looking up from her plate.
”Not you too, Ammy!” Angie staggered back theatrically, but a moment later she was pointing the drumstick of accusation at her friend. ”And what do you mean ‘He has a point'?! Elliot was the main male lead since season one! He had way more buildup than Ceraph!”
”Well...” the class rep fidgeted for a moment, then she glanced at Josh, who in turn gave her a reassuring smile, so she stated, ”True, but he didn't really do anything since season one.”
”Right!” Josh continued the assault. ”Not to mention, turning Ceraph evil again, after it was established that his love for Trucy fixed that, was just dumb.”
”Oh, so you say that your precious Ceraph alone should have been able to resist the bloodlust of the Red Moon?!”
”No, but it should definitely not have turned him into the chief enforcer of The Dread Wolf Vladimir at the end.”
”Well, okay, that should have been better explained, but it was totally in character.”
”No, it wasn't!” Josh objected a bit too loudly.
”Please don't disturb the other students.”
After getting scolded by Ammy, the two of them immediately toned it down a notch.
”Ooops, sorry. Anyways, it wasn't in character, he just had to be written out of the series because of his own spinoff.”
”Wasn't that just a miniseries?”
”It gets a full season next year,” the class rep supplied. ”It's called ‘Ceraph: The White Wolf Chronicles', and it is about...”
And so on and so forth. I let out a tired sigh and I popped another french fry into my mouth. This lunch break was noisier than usual, probably because the entire gang ate together in the cafeteria, save for the princess who was on sick leave as per my instructions. Anyways, I was just about to cut a ribbon off my fried pork when my assistant poked me in the shoulder.
”Yes?”
She looked much better than yesterday, though I could still see traces of the black circles under her eyes. She had her pink phone in one hand and a half-eaten ham sandwich in the other, her lone pinky finger extended. She apparently used it to type while eating. Anyways, she leaned closer.
”What are they talking about?”
”Some TV series. ‘Trucy the Werewolf Huntress', I think. It seems like it's really popular.”
”I see.”
I was just about to turn back to my food when the table shook violently as Angie planted her hand on it so that she could lean way forward and hold the drumstick up to my face like a microphone.
”And what do you think about the ending?!”
”... The what now?”
”The last scene where Elliot shared part of his soul with Trucy so that she could reawaken her disabled huntress-powers and take down The Dread Wolf Vladimir, entwining their souls forever and ever! It was awesome, right? It was totally romantic, right?”
I awkwardly glanced at the other two participants of the conversation, but they both avoided my eyes, so I couldn't avoid telling her, ”Sorry, I didn't watch last night's episode.”
Angie audibly gasped and staggered back in her seat like she was struck by a mortal blow.
”How could you, Leo?! I thought you were my ally! My stalwart partner! How could you abandon me like this?!”
I rolled my eyes and proceeded to cut another slice of pork.
”Sorry, I had other things to do.”
”What other things? Didn't we leave the party early so we could all catch the finale?”
Well, they most certainly did. In fact, I could vaguely remember them mentioning that the three of them would watch the episode together at Angie's place and that's why we went our separate ways, though I didn't pay it much attention at the time. Either way, all I knew about the show were the snippets I gathered when the others were talking about it.
”What do you have to say in your defense?!” Angie menaced me with the drumstick of divine retribution, and I could only sigh.
”As I said, I had stuff to do.”
Still unsatisfied, Angie turned to my assistant.
”What about you?”
”I don't watch the series,” Judy stated matter-of-factly without looking up from her notes.
”What is wrong with you people?!” Angie exclaimed and it looked like she would finally raise her drumstick to her mouth, but she didn't actually take a bite. As for the question, I really wanted to ask the same, but then she suddenly squinted at me through skeptically furrowed brows. ”Suspicious!”
”Pardon?”
”I said, this is suspicious! You say you two didn't watch the last episode even though we have eyewitnesses claiming they saw you two leave early so you could watch it!”
”No, that was you guys. Also, ‘eyewitnesses'?”
”Yes, all three of us!” She indicated Josh and the class rep. For the record, they were obviously very busy eating so that they would not have to enter the conversation. ”Not only that, but the only other person who would know what the two of you were doing after we parted is Elly... who is conveniently missing! Super suspicious!”
”Why exactly?”
”Thank you for asking!” Angie declared in some kind of fake accent while holding her drumstick like she was smoking a pipe... so I guess it was supposed to be British? Anyways, she began talking, but the mention of the princess reminded me of something and I gestured for Josh to lean closer to me.
”I just remembered something. I forgot to tell you this morning, but I have a job for you.”
I could barely make out Josh's answer over Angie's spiel on the left. It was something about alibis and the ‘Howdunnit' or something. Judy seemed to be paying her attention and was taking notes, so I decided not to bother them.
”I said I have a job for you,” I repeated myself while leaning even closer.
”I heard it. I asked what it is.”
”I told you the princess wasn't coming to school till Monday, right?”
”Yeah, I noticed. She twisted her ankle again, right?”
”Yup. Listen, I need you to bring today's homework over to her.”
Josh raised one of his trademark critical eyebrows and grunted softly.
”Okay, what's the catch?”
”What do you mean?” I guess I might have sounded slightly defensive, for Josh gave me a look saying ‘I knew something was up!' and leaned forward on his chair.
”Why don't you bring her the homework?”
I gave my friend a flat look.
”Listen, do you really need me to give you a reason to ask you to go to a friend's house?”
”Well...” Josh averted his eyes. ”To be perfectly honest, I really don't like the place. And the butler really unnerves me.”
”Oh, don't worry about that!” I jested with a smile. ”Yesterday I pissed him off so badly you are going to look like a prim and proper gentleman in comparison. He is going to love you.”
”... Is the unrequited love of an old butler supposed to be a selling point for this ‘job'? Because if it is, you are a terrible salesman.”
I rolled my eyes, and while doing so I caught a few snippets of the discussion between Angie and Judy.
”... so there cannot be any hidden passages, nor can there be a chinaman.”
”What is a chinaman?”
”Oh, it's like the ‘mystical black guy'. You know? The wise old man who has all the answers, saunters into the crime scene and tells the solution. They don't really have to be Chinese, but the name stuck.”
”Sounds like a copout.”
”Yeah, and that's why they are not allowed!”
I had no idea why they were talking about the murder mystery genre, and to my reassurance, I found that I didn't have any urge to learn either. That said, I returned to my own conversation.
”Listen, Josh, just go there and give her the homework. It's really not that hard.”
”But do I have to do it alone? Can I take Ammy along?”
I glanced at the class rep, who subtly perked up at the mention of her name, and covertly shook my head. To my surprise, she didn't seem to need much convincing, as she followed suit and shook her head as well.