Chapter 38 (1/2)

”Are we clear on this?” I asked in a grave tone befitting the situation as I raised the photos I received from the Arch-mage and flashed them in everyone's direction. ”If you see this woman, don't talk to her, don't fight with her... actually, just don't engage her in any way, period. Any questions?”

”I've got one,” Josh spoke up a touch hesitantly. ”What if she 'engages' us?” he asked, complete with air quotes.

”You run away and call me. If that's impossible, stall her and call me,” I stated matter-of-factly. ”Anything else?” For a second or five, the gang crowding my ravaged living room kept glancing at each other, but in the end they all shook their heads in unison. ”Good. I'm glad we are on the same page.”

I was just about to continue, but I was abruptly interrupted by the sound of a car horn coming from my front yard.

”The taxi arrived,” Judy informed me, though I could figure that much on my own.

”About time,” I grumbled while checking the clock on my phone. It was half-past seven in the evening, meaning I've spent roughly thirty minutes explaining what just happened to my living room to my hapless and exhausted friends.

After I ferried Angie over to give emergency first aid to Karukk, I took him back to the shelter and carried the rest of the team over here for an emergency meeting. Technically I could've done the same thing at the base, but that would've left no one here at home to teleport back to, so I decided to focus on explaining things to the gang first, and then I would have a separate meeting with Snowy's retinue, as they were the ones in actual, evident danger.

Not that it meant that I felt my friends were perfectly safe, mind you, so instead of letting them walk home, I arranged rides for all of them, even against their protests in some cases.

”Let's not make the driver wait longer than strictly necessary,” I began as I headed towards my front door, which was already restored using some kind of 'utility spell' by Ammy, and the entire group followed after me. ”This was a long day with some unforeseen ups and downs, wasn't it?” I wondered aloud as I opened said door, and the moment I looked outside, I was hit by an unexpected sense of déjà vu.

I walked up to the cab parked in front of my curiously well-kempt lawn (my pet theory was that the ninja maids were also into gardening), yet it was only when the cabbie rolled down the window on the passenger side that I recognized the source of the peculiar sensation from a few moments ago, after which all the tension drained out of my shoulders.

”I knew your voice sounded familiar! I never forget a tipping customer,” the cabbie told me with a wide grin accentuated by a missing eye-tooth, his accent still as thick yet completely unidentifiable as the last time I met him after my late-night meeting with Snowy in the park. It happened more than a month ago, but he was quite hard to forget, and by the looks of it, I also left an impression on him. ”Hah. It's a small world, ain't it?”

”You have no idea how right you are,” I responded maybe a little too dourly, as he gave me a puzzled look in response.

I mean, what were the chances of running into the same taxi driver twice in a row like this? Not very high, I'd reckon. However, even during my first encounter with the man, I could tell that he was not just a run-of-the-mill placeholder. If the 'narrative' couldn't be bothered to make our classmates into anything resembling 'normal', just what were the chances of this guy being a random, one-time encounter? As far as I knew, he was the only cab driver in this entire city, poised to respond to us whenever we needed a ride. Hey, it wouldn't be the weirdest thing I've seen in this 'small world'.

Anyhow, the driver shrugged his shoulders and said, probably as an attempt at small-talk, ”I see the little missy got over her rebellious phase.”

I didn't quite get what he meant at first, but then I followed his gaze, which led me to Snowy awkwardly standing by the entrance. After finally realizing what he was hinting at, I let out a small chuckle and told him, ”Yes. Let's just say I managed to remove the negative influences from her environment.” I probably sounded just a tad ominous, as the cab guy suddenly became visibly guarded towards me. I ignored his reaction and handed over a hundred Jen bill. ”Long story short: some unsavory types tried to break into my house. I'm a little worried about my friends, so I'd like you to take them home. This should cover it, keep the change.”

”If you say so,” he replied while pocketing the bill. ”What's the address again?”

”They'll tell you,” I answered him while gesturing the Josh-Angie-Ammy trio to come over. ”Now, if you'll excuse me, I have other business to take care of.”

Saying so, I stepped away from the car and looked towards the left, just in time to see a large, black luxury sedan turn around the corner and smoothly glide behind the already parked car in front of me. Of course, the reason I knew it was coming had nothing to with the playful spirits of convenient timing playing into my hands, but the fact that I had a mark on its driver.

”I still think I should stay here,” Elly suddenly stepped up beside me and declared with just a hint of a pout on her lips.

”And I think you shouldn't,” I answered without missing a beat, causing her pout to intensify by about thirty-five percent, give or take two.

After learning about what happened to my living room, she was very insistent about sleeping over, ostensibly 'just to be on the safe side'. While the notion of her being this worried about my safety was really, really sweet of her, it sadly conflicted with the fact that I was also worried for her safety, and I had already concluded that the safest place for her to be was inside her family mansion. It took a bit of coaxing to have her agree to call Sebastian over, but based on her sulky expression, I figured I wasn't entirely successful.

”Then stay in our guest room,” she offered while earnestly looking me in the eye, yet I shook my head all the same.

”Can't do. I have to look after Snowy.”

”She can stay too,” she countered.

”My answer is still no,” I told her, and after some hesitation I gently wrapped my hand around her waist and pulled her into my chest, then I whispered to her, ”I told you, I don't think she poses a threat to me in particular. Just go home, relax, and we'll pick you up on our way to school first thing tomorrow morning.”

”You promise?”

”Sure,” I told her with a smile, and I thought about giving her a peck on the forehead for emphasis, but then I became aware of a certain irritating butler frowning in my general direction, so I decided to abstain for the time being and instead I told her, ”How about you say goodbye to the others? I have a feeling your steward wants to talk with me.”

She gave me a disappointed 'Boo,' in return (which kinda made me want to kiss her anyway, against my better judgment), but at long last she obediently walked over to Judy and Snowy. While she did so, I turned my attention to the foppish old butler walking towards me with a disapproving frown on his already irritating visage.

”It appears the head of the family wasn't joking about your relationship with the young lady. Oh, how far our noble lineage has fallen,” he lamented while shaking his head.

”Very cute, old man, but I'm really not in the mood right now,” I told him in a tone about as blunt as a toddler's plastic play knife.

”Oh, are you not?” he inquired with what I presumed to be a mocking little tilt of his head, but I took a deep breath and ignored his obvious provocation.

”No,” I spoke with extra emphasis, then continued by telling him, ”First, please convey my apology to Mr. Dracis. I'm afraid I won't be able to visit him tonight. If you are there, please also ask him when he would be available, so that we can finish up our business negotiations.”

”You two are having business negotiations?” he questioned me again, this time in an audibly staler tone, as if he couldn't understand what I was saying.

”Yes,” I confirmed with a sigh, not at all amused by his insistent provocations. ”It's about creating a digital music distribution service platform, and no, I have neither the time nor the patience to explain what that means right now. Ask him if you're curious.” Sebastian nodded tentatively, and he looked like he wanted to grace me with another of his typical comebacks, but I had none of it. ”More importantly,” I cut him off before he could even begin while covertly showing him one of the photos of a certain Japanese creeper. ”Be on the lookout for her.”

The butler was once again puzzled for a moment, and after taking a long look at the image he stated, ”I guess I might as well bite the bait considering you went through all the trouble to secure my attention.” Saying so, he snatched the polaroid out of my hand and raised it to his eye level. ”Who is this?”

”I'm still working on the particulars, but in short: she is an erratic Japanese monster hunter with a talking sword and a weird obsession with slaughter.” I paused here for a long second as I waited for the old man to stop staring at the picture and look back at me again, and when he did so I added, ”I'm fairly certain she isn't one of the knights. She's more than a little obsessed with anything related to the Abyss instead, and shows little to no interest in your extended family. Still, she's entirely unpredictable, so I'd recommend you keep your distance for now.”

Sebastian gave me a doubtful look for a second or two, but then it quickly morphed into a mocking smirk.

”Are you worried about my safety, boy?”

”Are you getting senile with age, old man?” I scoffed back while snatching the photo away from him. ”If I'm worried about anything, it would be collateral damage. This is someone who kicked down my front door and trashed my living room in the name of 'helping'; who knows what kind of damage she could cause if she gets worked up again.”

”Is that so? I'm glad to see that even you are capable of showing a spark of intellect every once in a while.”

”Can it, you lousy old lizard. I told you I'm not in the mood.”

I put the photo back into my coat pocket, yet for some strange and uncomfortable reason, Sebastian kept staring at me with eyes that appeared alarmingly curious. I ignored him, and since he didn't say anything else either, we quietly waited for the princess to say her goodbyes to the rest of the gang.

In the meantime, the other half of our group squeezed themselves into the taxi, and after I waved them goodbye, the cab in the front slowly rolled away from my driveway. Once the trio's ride rounded a corner and was out of sight, the princess also stopped delaying the inevitable and walked over to the two of us. However, instead of heading for the car right away, she sidled up to me first.

”Stay safe, okay?” she asked, though it felt more like a command coming from her.

”That's the plan,” I answered with what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

My girlfriend gave me a hard look for a moment, but then her eyes quickly softened and, before I knew it, she rose to her tip-toes and planted a chaste and quite unexpected kiss on my lips.

”You better,” she whispered after our lips parted, then once her soles touched the ground again she added, with extra emphasis, ”If she tries to break into your house again, call me right away.”

”You can be such a worrywart sometimes,” I half spoke and half chuckled in response and I reflexively raised my hand to tussle the crown of her head, the smile on my face suddenly feeling much less forced than just a second ago. Then I finally realized the situation I was in and glanced over at Sebastian.

”What?” I spoke in a cold tone. Not because I wanted to hide my embarrassment, but just because I felt like it. That's all.

The old butler stared at me with an odd exression, but after a brief spell of silence he shook his head with an amused smirk.

”Nothing,” he stated in a tone that meant it certainly wasn't 'nothing', but he probably found it more amusing to let me come up with my own interpretations behind his word. I, naturally, didn't play along with his game, so I promptly ignored his smiling eyes and gestured towards the car.

Elly was still a little reluctant, but she ultimately got into the limo and let the annoying butler drive her away. Once they were out of sight I breathed out a small yet heavy sigh and headed inside. While all of the above happened, Judy and Snowy both moved indoors, and by the time I followed suit, I could hear them moving around in the kitchen.

”Hot cocoa or tea?” Snowy immediately leveled a question at me the moment I looked inside the room, and it took me an embarrassingly long moment to interpret it and answer.

”Tea, please,” I told her, and she responded with a huge nod.

”On it!”

While my sister was busy with that, I walked over to Judy, who was in the process of packing a familiar lunchbox with equally familiar bundles that no doubt hid sandwiches inside of them. At the end of the day, I couldn't restrain myself and asked, ”What are you making?”

”Lunch for tomorrow,” she answered absentmindedly while somehow managing to stuff even more food into the small box, a sight that would make any Tetris-enthusiast shed a single touched tear in appreciation.

Watching the two of them busy themselves like that kind of made me feel I was the odd man out, so after some consideration, I headed back into my living room. Since things were moving really fast, I didn't have the time to clean things up yet. After assessing the damage one more time, I piled up the unsalvageable causalities first.

Said pile consisted of two blood-splattered carpets, a broken chair, and a torn drapery. The coffee table also seemed to be a goner at first, but after I tried putting it back together, it turned out nothing was really broken, so I decided I would keep it. As for the sofa, I was torn on the issue, pun intended. The large gash on its side was unsightly, but Ammy swore that she had a magic spell that could fix it. Speaking of which, she had fixed my lock once when I was unconscious, and she also restored my broken door into a semblance of integrity as well. Maybe the class rep had a future in the maintenance industry?

Jokes aside, I was genuinely impressed by how she could restore broken objects with just a few waves of her staff and some eerie faux-latin chanting, yet when I tried to tell her that, she got really defensive all of a sudden. Maybe she really did have a complex about only being able to use utility spells and her golem? I decided I should focus on her a bit more during our next training session, as I smelled great untapped potential in those so-called 'utility spells'.

It was just about when my living room finally returned to a semblance of normalcy when the two girls came out of the kitchen, Snowy carrying a familiar tray with three gently steaming mugs on it. Since I just finished as well, the three of us sat down around my newly restored coffee table and silently drank our assorted beverages. It was… honestly, surprisingly cozy considering the circumstances.

As unfortunate as it was, someone had to break the comfortable silence, and so I did it by clearing my throat and addressing my girlfriend first.

”How long are you staying for today?”

”I have permission until nine,” she answered between two sips from her drink.

”Good. If we don't finish, I suppose we'll continue on the phone as usual.”

”Yes.”

”Doing what?” came the awkward interjection from Snowy. She seemed genuinely curious about what we were talking about.

”Research stuff. It's just a thing we do,” I told her, then after some contemplation, I continued with a question. ”Can I ask you for a favor?”

”Yes,” she nodded in the affirmative without even bothering to listen to my request first.

”I'm glad to see you're eager,” I told her with an appropriately brotherly smile, then I pointed at the doorway and told her, ”Considering today's events, I really think I should invest in some heavy-duty security, and I couldn't help but recall those fancy barriers you set up around the school. Could you put something similar around this house?”

Snowy looked weirdly surprised by my request, but after glancing around the room for a few seconds she answered, ”I… I don't think I can do that.”

”You can't?” Judy asked in my stead, and my sister immediately shook her head.

”I-It's not that I don't want to, but I really can't! That kind of barrier... I could only make it work at the School because it's built on top of a junction of mana veins, so there was an abundance of ambient mana to draw on, and there is nothing like that under this house. A-Also, it was designed to only work for a few hours, and making it permanent would be... I don't think I can do it.”

”By 'mana vein', you mean one of the ley lines, right?” Snowy nodded in response to my question, and I couldn't help but groan. It wasn't in response to the apparent lack of such power source under my house, but the fact that the more I've learned about the supernatural elements of this world, the more it felt like there were no unified naming conventions for them. It was a pain in the neck.

Snowy might have mistaken my exasperation over the annoyingly inconsistent terminology of this world for being angry at her and shrunk back in her seat, so I quickly told her, ”Don't worry sis, I don't want you to do the impossible. If you say it cannot be done, then I'll believe you. Still, can't you do something similar? I don't need it to be impenetrable, just solid enough to prevent someone unwanted waltzing into my living room and making a mess.”

”You mean, like… area denial wards?” she asked in an awkward voice, and after I gave her a tentative nod, her eyes suddenly got a really determined glint in them and she declared, ”I can do that!”

I'm fact, she was so enthusiastic that I was afraid she'd jump to her feet and start working right away, so I hastily gestured for her to stay put and said, ”Great! Let's discuss the particulars tomorrow. I was only curious if it could be done.”

”Oh, okay,” she agreed with a smile, and so we returned to the comfortable silence once again. This time it only lasted until Snowy finished up her drink, at which point she let out a satisfied sigh, placed her empty mug onto the table, and then addressed me with a soft, ”Leo?”

”Yes?”

”Can I… also ask for a favor in return?”

”… Well, sure, but let's not make this into a checks-and-balances system. If you need help with something, just ask.”

”I understand,” she responded in the company of a considerably less certain expression, followed by her asking, ”Could you take me to see Karukk? I'm worried about him.”

I had no reason to deny her request, so I told her, ”I think Angie fixed him up well enough, but I can see where you're coming from. Do you want to go right now?” She nodded right away, maybe even a little too eagerly, so told her, ”Okay then. Call me when you're ready to leave.”

”Thank you!”

With that, she instantly rose to her feet and headed towards the entrance, probably to get her shoes.

While she was out of earshot, I glanced at Judy and told her, in a low voice, ”I'll meet you in my room. We have a lot of things to talk about.”

My assistant raised her brows for a moment, which I interpreted as agreement. In the meantime Snowy came back, so we both left for the secret base without bothering with the magic closet, thus putting this short but much-needed downtime behind us.

”I'm back,” I announced as I reappeared in front of my swivel chair and immediately dropped onto it. To her credit, my girlfriend sitting on my bed was only mildly startled by my unforeseen arrival. In fact, she looked more annoyed than anything else.

”You're late,” she told me in her usual expressionless tone while overdramatically checking the time on her phone.

”I thought that if I was over there anyway, I might as well brief Brang and the rest of the Fauns. They… unfortunately took what happened here as a challenge, but I convinced them to stay away from the crazy huntress for now.”

Judy seemed somewhat disinterested in my explanation, and instead she kept swiping on her phone until she finally found what she was looking for.

”Speaking of 'her',” she began, her voice even flatter than usual for some reason. ”Did you manage to draw any new information out of her this time around?”

”Not as much as I would've liked,” I admitted with an exasperated sigh in tow. I leaned forward a little and clarified, ”I mentioned most of this to the others already, but just to reiterate: she's some kind of monster hunter from Japan. She has a hate-boner for anything Abyssal related, and she has a talking Japanese sword.” I paused here to wait for Judy to stop typing, then once I had her full attention again I told her, ”The keywords we should look into are 'Onikiri', 'Rinne', 'clans' and 'sentient weapons'.”

”Which one of them is her name?” Judy asked a pointed question.

”The second one, I think.”

”You think,” she repeated after me.

”I'm about ninety percent sure, but I'm still not convinced that what she gave me wasn't some kind of ceremonial title.”

”I see…” my assistant began typing again, and in the meantime I took a deep breath and prepared myself to breach the main topic. I just had to decide from which direction I should approach it.

”Judy, listen to me for a moment please.”

”I'm always listening,” she responded and finally looked up at me. I must've had a strange expression on my face, because she cocked her head to the side a moment later and asked, ”Is there a problem?”

”You could call it that, yes,” I answered as I closed my eyes for a moment, then I steeled my nerves, looked her in the eye again, and told her, ”I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I might have, by a complete accident, left an… unnecessarily good impression on her.”

All of a sudden my girlfriend's face got so frosty I could swear I was looking at a glacier. A scary glacier, with blank yet chilling eyes and a cute little frown aaand my analogy kinda broke down, didn't it?

”Please elaborate,” she spoke softly, though her gaze made sure I realized it wasn't just a polite request but a demand. I decided to subtly roll my eyes at her theatrics and do just that.

”In short, I called her by what I presume is her first name without realizing it was a cultural faux pa, she got flustered, then I tried to touch her, at which point she got really flustered, and then she left in a hurry.”

”You tried to touch her?”

”Yes. For Far Sight,” I spelled out in a hurry.

”Oh, I see… So? Did you mark her?”

”Unfortunately, no. As I said, she literally ran away.”

”I see,” she responded a tad morosely before summarizing things by saying, ”So you flirted with the woman who broke into your house, she was receptive, and now you don't know what to do. Is that the gist of it?”

”I wasn't flirting with her per se, but yes that's about it,” I acknowledged her simplification, though only tentatively.

My assistant gave me a sideways glance, and then she looked away and let out a truly exhausted groan.

”I really can't let you out of my sight even just for five minutes…” she muttered under her breath, and while normally I would've protested, this time I decided it would have been counter-productive… but then she just had to add, ”Please at least tell me you're not interested in her.”

Now that was a comment I couldn't jolly well leave alone without any protests.

”Dormouse, would you please take this seriously? Would I talk to you about this if I was?”

”You talked about 'letting Eleanor down gently' in the past, and yet look where we are,” she countered with a petulant edge to her words, and for a second or two, I was lost for words.

”Apples and oranges,” I responded with a non-answer, in place of anything better. ”Also, we are veering off-topic. Listen, the point I'm trying to make is that, dumb as it might sound, I might be in need of some anti-harem countermeasures.”

”Oh?” Judy's eyebrows rose in surprise (just a little) and she looked me over from head to toe like I was a rare black sheep or something. ”So you finally recognized that your constant flirting is a problem. Good, that's a step in the right direction.”

”I don't think I'm flirting with anyone but you and Elly, but that's a point we are going to come back to later,” I told her a smidgen indignantly. ”No, the reason I ask is because I think we have to re-evaluate the world's 'genre' again.”

”Again?” she repeated after me. ”I guess you have a new hypothesis.”

”Yes,” I confirmed with a slightly more serious expression. ”I believe we are living in a supernatural harem battle school life setting.”

”… Isn't that something we already concluded?”

”Yes, but no,” I told her as I straightened my back on my seat and gestured with my hands for emphasis. ”The key is in the order of terms, and the word 'harem' in particular. Previously I thought it was the generic, extended love triangle kind, where everyone was pining for the same guy without entering into a relationship. I also thought that the harem shenanigans were just a carryover from the early school life period. However, in light of some recent developments, I realized that this world is just a wee bit too accommodating for straight-up polyamorous relationships for that to be the case.”

”By recent developments, do you mean Eleanor's family?”

”Precisely,” I nodded in agreement. ”I originally thought their family tradition was just a quirk, but it might actually be an intentional precedent for polyamory.”

”And by polyamory, you mean…?”

”The 'real' harem kind, where one person, in our case probably Josh, is supposed to be in a relationship with multiple love interests at once.”

”So it's what you're doing.”

”Yes, but on a bigger scale.”

”I think I see what you mean,” Judy mused while leisurely poking at her phone. ”If we presume that this world had planned narrative that involved some form of polyamory, then it would explain why baking such a tradition into the Dracis family's backstory would exist; in order to support such a 'real harem', as you called it. It's a thought worth entertaining.”

”Thank you, though I think you are being a bit too much of a reductionist again.”

”It's my job,” Judy stated while puffing out her chest for whatever reason. ”Lately you've been trying to avoid looking at things from a meta-narrative standpoint, so I took it upon myself to do it instead of you. That's what I've been hired for in the first place. ”

”I'm not trying to avoid it, I'm just too busy with the surface stuff to worry about the meta at the moment, ” I grumbled, but then I closed my eyes, let out a deep breath, and said, ”We are getting off-topic again. Whether there is a grand, pre-written plan to this world that pigeon-holes me in, or it comes about just from personal relations and random chance, I still need to make sure I won't accidentally start making annoying people get attracted to me.”

”Fair enough,” Judy said with a nod. ”Self-awareness is the first step in self-improvement. How can I help?”

”First off, I want you to teach me how to be unattractive,” I told her as unambiguously as I could, yet for some reason my words earned me a scowl from her.

”Chief, you are really lucky I'm a generous person and I decided not to interpret your words as 'You are unattractive, show me how to be more like you'.”

It took me an embarrassingly long time to respond to that, but when I did, I rolled my eyes so hard it almost made me dizzy.

”Come on Dormouse! Weren't we over this already? You know you are plenty attractive, so why would you even think that?”

”Am I?” She gave me an unusually sardonic look, then asked, ”If so, then can you name my most attractive attribute?” I didn't even have time to open my mouth, but she already cut me off by raising a hand and declaring, ”And you cannot say 'your brain'. You already used that card once.”