Chapter 63 (1/2)
”He's back!”
To my sincerest surprise, my arrival at the makeshift prison cell under the warehouse was met with excitement of all things. Well, at least from Mike. Ammy was considerably less enthusiastic. I was about to greet them, but before I could do so, I was hit by a tremendous wave of… lack of vertigo. That was weird. Normally the more I teleported in a row, the worse it got, but this time there were absolutely no ill side-effects present. I couldn't help but wonder; was that a good thing, such as a sign of me getting used to Phasing, or was it just a symptom of a kind of supernatural runner's high, and I would get completely plastered once I crashed?
I pondered on this question longer than strictly necessary, as the class rep soon turned a disapproving frown at me, followed by an inquisitive, ”I guess you're not going to explain how you can teleport in and out of this locked room at will.”
I could have sworn that I have already done so (or rather, I've already given an excuse), but since she asked, I figured I might as well be straightforward for once and shake my head.
”How come I'm not surprised,” she grumbled while idly sweeping aside a stray lock of hair hanging in front of her eyes. ”Can you at least tell me where you got that sword? I don't think I've seen it before.”
I was just about to dismiss her, but a short yet intense moment of consideration later I decided to keep being slightly more forthright and told her, ”Long story short, the crazy huntress attacked me, so I took her sword, and now she's sitting in the base, tied up like a Christmas present. There's also some malarkey going on with the Chimera and the sword and Judy probably killing me once this is all over, but that's beside the point.”
”{I beg to differ,}” came a series of deadpan and yet quite chilling words from the communicator, but for the time being I chose not to respond to her.
”Anyhow, I brought this to get him out of there, so I'd appreciate it if you took a step back.”
That comment was aimed at the guy in the cage, yet Ammy also scampered behind me at the same time. I sent her an ever so slightly dubious glance, and she gestured towards the padlock in return.
”Hurry up, Leo! Grandfather could get here any minute now!”
”Oh, that? Didn't Judy tell you?” I inquired as I raised the sword over my head and swung it at the bars in front of me, only for the blade to be nearly torn out of my numb grasp when it bounced off the metal. I couldn't help but blink in incomprehension and mutter, ”That wasn't supposed to happen. Give me a minute.”
Having said that, I immediately entered the weapon one more time using my Phantom Limb, and it didn't take long to figure out what the problem was. Just for context: the outer-layer of the enchantment-ball was responsible for the 'real world' effects of the weapon, including the whole 'cuts everything like it's made of lukewarm butter' thing. Normally that kind of stuff would be pretty impractical because it puts a lot of strain on the weapon, so to make it work, Ichiko would be turning the effect on and off in short bursts from the inside just before the edge would make contact for maximum efficiency. While the enchantment was still working as intended, with the tiny miko gone, there was no conductor present to operate it, and because the whole thing was designed with the idea of an annoying little girl calling the shots in it, there were no external ways to turn it on by design, ergo there was no iron-bar slicing either.
It was a bit of an issue, but not an insurmountable one, and I managed to jury-rig a temporary solution by emulating a command from the inside that would permanently put the sword at about forty percent output. It had to be manually disabled after I was done using it, but hey, at least it worked. I also had a vague idea about reproducing and repurposing the complex behavioral-tree type enchantment that used to be in the dead Chimera to emulate an automated switch, but it was a project for later.
I exited the extra-illusory space between spaces and shook my buzzing head to clear it a bit, and once I confirmed that the magic glow around the blade grew in intensity, I unceremoniously swung it again. This time the effect was much more satisfying, as while there was some resistance, I managed to cut cleanly through the iron bars with a series of high-pitched tinkling sounds reminiscent of tiny little cymbals. Once I confirmed that the enchantment was working, I repeated the cut from the other direction, and this time each clink was followed by a much louder clank filling the room as the bars fell to the wayside one by one.
I let my weapon down and observed my handiwork, which resulted in a large hole right next to the only door of the cage, big enough so that even Mr. Minotaur could jump through it, let alone our captive.
”That… was awesome,” said Celestial noted with eyes as wide as saucers, so I gave him a light wave that could be translated to a casual 'all in a day's work' before I faced the class rep again.
”So, as I tried to tell you before the technical difficulties: your gramps is already here.”
”What?!”
Ammy's sudden exclamation (besides being so sudden it nearly made Mike fall on his butt mid-step as he was trying to get out of a cage) was so loud it made my ears ring. Or were they ringing to begin with? It was honestly hard to tell.
”It's exactly as I said,” I reiterated while massaging my temple with my free hand. ”He's already upstairs and put Labcoat Guy in custody. Josh and the others too, but that's beside the point.”
”Then… what do we do now?” came the very, very insecure question from Mike, and I gave him an obligatory nod he might have misunderstood, based on the way he twitched when I looked at him,
”A good question, and the answer depends on a few variables. First off…” I paused as a faced away from him and followed it up with, ”Dormouse, are you still listening?”
A long and decidedly petulant moment of silence later…
”{Yes, I'm here.}”
”Great. Are Lord Grandpa and company still in the Purple Zone?”
”{… Yes.}”
”Can you tell Josh and the others to stall them as long as they can?”
”{Can I? Wouldn't that involve explaining things to them? I was under the impression we no longer did that around here.}”
I closed my eyes for a moment, and then told her, ”I promise once we are done here, we'll sit down and I tell you everything about the sword and the kid, but we really don't have time for that now. Would you please do as I asked?”
There was another long beat of silence on the line, but at last my girlfriend relented with a still audibly sulky, ”{You're lucky I'm a professional.}”
”I sure am.” After responding so, I gestured for my increasingly more confused companions to follow after me, only to stop and point at the broken staff by the cage. ”Don't forget that.”
Ammy seemed affronted by the very idea that she would do so, yet she didn't utter a single word and simply hurried over to pick up the pieces. In the meantime I walked up to the door and, with three quick slashes, I cut a triangular hole around the doorknob, and then rammed the door itself with my shoulder. It flew right open with a loud bang, leading us into another slightly larger, yet just as poorly lit room. It was likely used for temporary storage by the looks of it, as it had a bunch of large plastic boxes filled with various raw materials and components, including one particularly eye-catching container full of porcelain doll heads. I… honestly didn't even want to know.
Mike meekly followed after me like a lost duckling, and we were soon joined by the class rep clutching the remains of her destroyed weapon.
”This way.”
Following my lead, we passed through the room and out into a long corridor filled with air that was somehow staler than the rooms themselves. At one end of it, we could see some light seeping in through the half-open doors at the end of a short metal staircase, and it didn't take a genius to logic out that it was the way to the ground floor of the warehouse. We, naturally, went in the opposite direction.
”So, errm… What's the plan?” Mike asked in a voice tense as an over-tuned guitar.
”For now, just follow my lead.”
My answer didn't exactly reassure him, but I didn't really care at the moment, as we just reached an unassuming door near the other end of the corridor. I was vaguely familiar with this place due to all the time I spent observing Labcoat Guy, and this time I didn't need to cut my way in, as the door was left unlocked. As I opened it, we were hit by a gust of extra-stale, musty air, but I walked in all the same, and after a moment of fiddling I found the light switch. The small room, now lit by a single light-bulb hanging from a plain wire nailed to the ceiling, wasn't much larger than my bathroom, and it had unplastered walls with the red bricks clearly visible.
”What are we doing here? Shouldn't we be escaping?” came the next question from an increasingly impatient class rep, and if she still had her glasses, I was sure she would have pushed them up the bridge of her nose about five times by now.
”That's what we're doing right now,” I answered a tad absent-mindedly as I was counting the bricks from the light switch. ”According to what I've heard, every self-respecting mad scientist must have an emergency escape route in their lair. As it happens, Labcoat Guy's is here.”
”Seriously?”
She was understandably skeptical, but in my defense, I literally parroted the resident mad scientist's words when he described this room to his fembot assistant. More importantly though, after a couple of tries, I finally managed to find the right brick, and after pressing down on it, the wall in front of us let out a series of clicking noises before a whole segment of it detached from the rest. I grabbed the edges of the secret door and slid it aside, revealing a long, narrow tunnel; its completely smooth walls were unexpectedly well-lit by evenly paced red emergency lights. After making sure there was nothing dangerous inside, I turned around and knocked on the displaced panel.
”Fully mechanical fake wall. Makes it harder for magi to detect it, if they can do so at all. It should lead to the basement of an apartment building a couple of blocks away from here.”
”Wait, stop! Hold on for a moment!” I raised I brow at Ammy's abrupt outburst, and it went even higher when she actually reflexively tried to tweak her still missing glasses. Once she realized there was nothing on her face, she forcefully waved her hand and continued with, ”How did you even know about this?”
”Need I remind you that I'm an information-trader? It's my job to know these things.”
”Okay, wait! I just remembered your thing; that was the wrong question. Let me try this again.” She paused here to take a long breath, and then asked, ”Since when did you know about this escape route?”
”I learned about it when Labcoat Guy moved in,” I told her the truth, but it only seemed to make her angrier.
”Then why didn't we use this route to get Michael out?”
”{Good question,}” my dear assistant agreed, much to my chagrin.
”We really don't have the time for this, but for your interest, here are but a few of the reasons: number one, I don't know the exact endpoint of this tunnel, only that it's at an apartment complex. Number two, even if I knew the precise location, the door at the other end only opens from the inside. Number three, even if I knew where to go and figured out a way to open the door from the outside, I couldn't do it, because we had to mount this rescue operation ASAP before the Assembly's investigators arrived. Is that explanation good enough for you?”
The last question was aimed at both the girl in front of me and the one on the other end of the telepathic communicator, yet neither of them said a thing, which I interpreted as agreement.
”Good, now get in there. I'll close the door on this side. Once you reach the other end of the tunnel, go outside, close the door behind you, and lay low for about half an hour. After that…” At this stage of the instructions, I took out my wallet and pointed at the hapless Celestial. ”You'll be leaving first. Even if Labcoat Guy talks, his interrogation is going to take a while, so even if you happen to run into some Magi on the street, they shouldn't be looking for you yet. Here's some spare change, take a cab to the station and then ride a train home. Try not to draw attention to yourself in the process.” I paused for a second to let them digest this, and then I turned to the class rep and took out another bill from my wallet, ”You should come outside about an hour or so after this guy's gone. Call a cab and have it take you to the School. With some luck, I should be able to resolve the whole situation by the time you get there. Are we clear?”
The two of them nodded with different levels of enthusiasm (or the lack thereof), so I shooed them into the tunnel, though not before taking the two halves of her staff from Ammy.
”This would draw too much attention. I'll take it back to the base with me and will hand it back to you later.”
She agreed without any back-talk, and after one last warning, I watched them walk down the narrow tunnel one after the other before I unceremoniously slid the fake wall back to its original location and locked it into place with a satisfying click. With this, our original objective from before this incident ballooned out was accomplished, though the day was far from over. Thinking so, I turned on my heel, left the small, moldy room behind, and headed towards the other end of the corridor and the door leading to the warehouse, determined to use the little time I had before the Purple Zone got dispelled and Lord Grandpa or his goons barged in here to its fullest.
There was a loud thump on the door leading into the secluded office in the corner of the building, followed by stifled cursing. For now, the good old chair-under-the-doorknob trick was holding, but I didn't know for how long, and I really needed more time, because goddamit, Labcoat Guy was criminally disorganized. I've been searching for minutes, but I couldn't find what I was looking for in the mess of random papers in the old, rickety filing cabinet in front of me. I have, however, found the guy's childhood photo album. Why would anyone store that next to important documents was entirely beyond me.
”The door is locked,” announced a voice on the other side, followed by another impact that made the entire doorframe creak.
”Wait, look. There's a shadow. Someone's inside,” said another oddly wooden voice, no doubt a placeholder Magi dispatched to secure the premises.
”Stand back, I'll blast it open,” declared a third voice, and that was my cue to leave.
Since I still couldn't find what I wanted, I decided to screw it all and, while making sure that I was still holding onto all the other miscellaneous yet possibly useful junk I collected on the way, I extended my Phantom Limb and Phased away without any further ado. A short yet long moment later, I arrived within the familiar confines of the main hall inside the secret base. My arrival was then announced by a loud bang, following which the piece of furniture I carried with me began to teeter on its edge before abruptly falling over with a deafening impact that echoed for several seconds in the open space.
After getting over my first surprise, I looked around and my eyes immediately met with about a dozen completely baffled stares directed at me.
”What? Have you guys never seen a filing cabinet before?”
My jest to ease the mood fell on deaf ears, so I opted to stop caring and simply walked over to the nearest Faun and dumped everything in my hands save for Onikiri onto him.
”Take these to the recreational area. I'll sort through them later.”
”Was that Amelia's staff?” Judy asked as she walked over, still wearing the communicator-glasses.
”Yeah, I'm holding onto it for the time being.”
”It's broken,” she noted with a disinterested voice while still edging towards me.
”Stuff happened. I already promised her that I'll help her fix it.”
”Very gallant of you,” came the next comment, but then she suddenly pounced forward and grabbed hold of my free hand with a triumphant ”Caught you!”
”Um… Yeah, you did. It wasn't very hard,” I noted with just a hint of bewilderment. ”For the record, I wasn't planning on going anywhere for the time being.”
”Better be safe than sorry,” she declared with an unnecessary amount of conviction, and then she dramatically took off her glasses and pocketed them before she reaffirmed her grip on my sleeve and began to pull me towards the benches. ”Now come quietly and explain the situation.”
”Sure, sure.”
My compliance apparently didn't reassure her one bit, as she kept an iron grip on my arm until we arrived at the aforementioned benches, There, Rinne was still sitting ramrod straight with her arms tied behind her back, and Pip was still trying to do his grimmest guard impression behind her, but now we also had an extra addition in the form of a small girl sitting with her legs crossed. At first she seemed to be immersed in a conversation with Mountain Girl, but when our eyes met, she immediately perked up and began waving at me with a beaming expression. Thankfully she was actually wearing clothes this time around, namely one of my backup tracksuits I kept around as a makeshift disguise in case I needed to infiltrate somewhere in a hurry. This one was colored light blue, and it was a few sizes bigger than my normal clothes so that it could be worn over another outfit if necessary. Needless to say, it was so oversized on her that I was fairly sure she was only wearing the jacket, and yet it completely covered her.
Once we got closer, the overly friendly sword-spirit gave me a small bow while still sitting and addressed me directly.
”Welcome back, ue-sama!”
”Uh… yes. Welcome back?” Rinne followed suit, though her greeting was about as natural as a PVC pipe.
”Here we go Chief, round two,” my dear assistant prompted me with a tug on my hand. ”Introduce us.”
I glanced at her, then at the still grinning little girl, and in the end I couldn't help but let a groan escape my throat.
”Are you serious, Dormouse? You're aware that she is a hundreds of years old sword piloting a Chimera who looks like a nine years old kid?”
”Yes, and you should be aware of what kind of world we live in, and that what you just described makes her technicallylegal. That's all the reason I need to be cautious. Now, stop stalling and introduce us as you did with her.”
I was really way too tired for this, but if it would give her some peace of mind, I figured I might as well comply. That didn't mean I would do it happily though.
”Oh, fine. So, Dormouse, this is Azusa Ichiko, the ex-sword-spirit of Onikiri.”
”It's a pleasure to meet you, Dormouse-san!” the tiny girl in the oversized jacked cut in with another shining smile, much to my assistant's annoyance.
”You see, she is my girlfriend,” I told her, at which point her smile immediately disappeared and she gave us another small bow.
”Please forgive me, Dormouse-sama. I was unaware of your affiliation with ue-sama.”
”Hold your horses for a moment,” I called out with a steadily rising sense of exasperation, and waited for her to stop bowing before telling her, ”Her actual name is Judy Sennoma, only I'm calling her Dormouse.”
”Ah, I see. So it's Judy-sama's true name! Please forgive my carelessness.” She gave another small bow, this time aimed at my girlfriend in particular, but when she noticed that she was giving her a harsh look, she quickly muttered, ”Is… Is my address still wrong? Would you prefer Sennoma-sama? Or maybe Sennoma-ue?”
Judy kept staring at the clueless Ichiko for a few more seconds before her expression softened and she glanced up at me with a defeated look in her eyes.
”Is she always like that?”
”She's been like that since I first met her. Or rather, the third time I met her. It's complicated.” That explanation obviously didn't satisfy her, so I added, ”She's something of a moe archetype, and while slightly annoying, she's mostly harmless.”
”If you say so.”
I figured we were more or less done with the basic anti-harem countermeasures, so I lightly cleared my throat as a way to signal that we were moving on.
”Say, how about you two figure out the proper way to address you while I put this away?”
Saying so, I lightly waved the wrapped-up sword in my hand around to indicate what I was talking about, but instead of letting me go, Judy only clamped down on me harder.
”Before you do that, why don't you first explain the sequence of events that resulted in a sentient sword becoming a young girl?”
”Rinne would also like to know,” Mountain Girl commented on the side, and she was so focused on the blade in my hand she even forgot to correct herself. My girlfriend didn't let up either, and for some odd reason even the tiny miko was looking at me with expectant eyes (even though she was, you know, there when it happened), so I figured I might as well get it over with.
”Fine. In short, Ichiko here originally wasn't a sword, but was put into Onikiri as a last resort. When she tried to 'merge' with me, I in turn interfaced with the enchantment housing her, we expelled the sludge surrounding her from the outside.”
”Sludge?” Rinne muttered, and the little girl immediately provided an explanation.
”It was the miasma!”
”Yeah, and once it was removed, she stopped burning and became human-sized again.”
”Wait, what was that about burning?” came the next question from Judy, who at this point was unreservedly taking notes on her phone.
”Right, I kind of skimmed over this part, but the first time we 'met', so to speak, she was this enormous, burning demon thing only wearing a pair of—”
”Kyaaa! Please don't reveal my shameful past!” Ichiko interrupted me with quite a panicked expression, but I could only shake my head in disbelief.
”You act like you have a shred of shame, you unrepentant exhibitionist.”
For a moment it seemed like she wanted to object, but then she stopped mid-breath, and instead she leaned over to the tied-up woman sitting beside her.
”Psst, Rinne-san? What is an 'exhibitionist'?”
”Rinne isn't entirely sure,” she replied a little absent-mindedly before proposing, ”Isn't it the person who manages an art gallery?”
”It could be...” the smaller girl concluded with a thoughtful hum before turning back and pointing a hand at me, with about half of the jacket's sleeve limply dangling at the end, and declared, ”I'm not a manager of art galleries!”
During the ensuing beat of silence, I seriously contemplated whether I should correct her or not, and in the end decided that it was simply too much of a hassle, so instead I just continued with my explanation of the events.
”So, as I was saying,” I began, completely ignoring the tiny miko's still outstretched hand, ”Getting rid of the sludge had some unforeseen effects, so she couldn't stay in the sword. Since the only other place I could put her was the body of the Chimera, I transferred her there. Then, contrary to my explicit instructions, she turned into a girl. End of story.”
”I see,” Judy whispered under her breath while typing, only to look up and say, ”I have two questions.”
”Only two?”
”For now.”
”Go figure,” I whispered under my breath, sighed, and told her, ”Ask away then.”
She lightly nodded, and after another glance at her phone, she began with, ”You said that she turned into a girl 'against your instructions'. Does that mean she can turn into something else?”
”Why don't you ask her?”
Following my advice, my assistant turned a pair of questioning eyes at the small girl, and the moment she realized the attention was on her, she instantly brightened up.
”Ah, you see, Sennoma-ue...”
”Just Judy will do.”
”Oh, then Judy-ue, you see, my maternal grandmother was a pureblood kitsune, and even though I wasn't able to do it when I was alive...” At this point she abruptly paused and began to wave her hands around while spluttering something among the lines of, ”I mean, before I was Onikiri! I don't mean I'm dead now! At least I don't think I am... But anyway, this body is much more suited for the transformation arts that grandma taught me when I was alive, or not dead, or... not not alive?”
To her credit, my girlfriend's deadpan expression didn't waver for even a second, and once Ichiko fell silent, she only glanced up at me with the word, ”Kitsune?”
”Japanese fox-girls,” I replied off the cuff, but it only made her imperceptibly furrow her brows.
”Japanese? As opposed to what?”
”Chinese fox-girls?” I proposed, only to then roll my eyes when she continued to give me a skeptical staredown. ”Don't look at me like that, it's a thing. I think they are different subspecies of the same phantasmal species.”
”So it's like the difference between western dragons and eastern dragons.”
”Yeah, sure,” I agreed, though for the love of me I couldn't recall what she was talking about.
”Noted,” she, well, noted before continuing with, ”And how exactly did this whole 'I moved her from the sword to this dead monster' process work?”
”It's, uh... Kind of complicated. It had to do with the supernatural stratum and the customizing the controller enchantment in the Chimera and then Phasing her from one body to the next and then jiggling her back and forth on the q-axis until she stuck, and a whole lot of other unintuitive crap. I'll tell you the process in detail after today's madness is over.”
”Fine,” she relented, if a bit grudgingly, and once she finished typing on her phone, she put it away and turned her attention to the two in front of us. ”What are we going to do about these two?”
”Honestly, it depends. First, I have a few questions for them.” When they heard that, both Rinne and Ichika gave me expectant and yet simultaneously worried looks. I inhaled a deep breath, and by the time I let it out, I felt clear on what I wanted to ask. ”All right. So, just to make sure we're on the same page, I want you to remember this: you guys broke into our base, injured my sister's retainers, and caused a lot of collateral damage. I think just the fact that you were only disarmed and captured is lenient enough, let alone all the trouble I went through to help you out.”
That last comment was obviously aimed at the ex-sword, and she repeatedly nodded her head in acknowledgment. Mountain Girl also followed her example, but that was neither here nor there.
”In short, if you want to stay in my good graces, I ask, and you answer with perfect sincerity. Are we clear on that?” They agreed in unison, so I immediately posed my first question. ”First off, you're now aware that attacking us was wrong, right?”
The two briefly glanced at each other and soon mumbled a disheartened ”Yes,” more or less at the same time.
”I can't hear it.”
”It was wrong,” Rinne stated in a low voice, following which Ichiko added a similarly disheartened, ”Sorry.”
”Good. Next, I want to know just how much each of you was responsible for that.” I paused for effect here and focused on Mountain Girl. ”If I recall correctly, you mentioned something about 'becoming one', but I can distinctly remember the two of you talking to each other when she was still inside the sword.”
”Oh, that's easy!” the physically and mentally younger yet objectively way older girl exclaimed after a giggle. ”It's like… uuuu…” I waited for her to actually explain herself, but she just crossed her arms and no matter how long I waited, she didn't speak up.
”Let Rinne try.” This time we focused on the other captive, and after a moment of thinking she told us, ”It's like taking two eggs, and breaking them into the same bowl. The whites become one big pool, but the two yolks remain separate.”
”Yes, that's it! See, I told you it's easy!” the mini-miko exclaimed with so much enthusiasm one would think it was her who came up with that. ”Rinne-san's analogies are much easier to understand than ue-sama's.”
”Hush, you.” After chiding her, the overly friendly little girl fell silent and I considered their words for a while. ”So, does that mean that while you retained your sense of self, you also partially merged together?” The two of them mulled over my words and then nodded more or less at the same time. ”Okay, so which one of you was responsible for all the raving about killing and blood?”
There was a very, very long moment of silence hanging in the air until Ichiko meekly raised her hand.
”That… was mostly me,” she confessed in a meek voice, but a second later she forcefully added, ”But it was the miasma's fault!”
”The miasma, huh? Okay, then who was responsible for all of those rude comments?”
”That… that was also me,” came the next disheartened answer from the smaller girl. ”But, but the…!”
”Yes, yes, it was the miasma, I get it,” I cut in with a sigh. ”Final question: who was responsible for being a glutton?”
”Oh, oh! That was definitely Rinne-san!” Ichiko declared in high spirits, much to her previous wielder's chagrin.
”No, Rinne wasn't!”
”N-Nonsense! How could I be responsible when I couldn't even eat? I was a sword, baka! Swords don't eat!”
While the two argued, Judy subtly tugged on my sleeve to get my attention.
”Chief, shouldn't you be asking another question from them?”
”… Sorry, but I don't know what you mean.”
My dear girlfriend gave me her deadpan 2.0 look, which was at least twenty percent deadpanner than its predecessor, and after sending one last glance at the commotion by our side, she stood on tiptoes and whispered, ”Ouyay ouldshay askyay ichwhay oneyay asway interestedyay inyay ouyay.”
”Wait, what are you…?” I blurted out by reflex, only for things to finally click together a second later, ”Oh, right. Pig Latin. It's been a while.” After muttering so, I spent a few seconds untangling her words, which resulted in a tired sigh on my end. ”Do I really have to? You've already set the basic anti-harem countermeasures, and considering all that happened today, I don't think pushing it even harder would be effective. Please let it go for the time being.”
It was also around this time that I was starting to get fed up with the argument unfolding in front of us, so I pointedly cleared my throat, and when that didn't work, let out a not particularly loud yet quite forceful ”Cut it out, you two!”
Half a second later, our one and a half captives were both sitting ramrod straight and looking forward, with an innocent expression that would've given newborn pandas a run from their money. I considered my options for a while longer, and in the end decided that even if she was no longer super-creepy, letting Mountain Girl loose was not a good idea, and as for Ichiko… well, she might've looked cute as a button at the moment, but let's not forget that she was technically a Chimera, or rather, about a third of one, as bits and pieces of the other half were still lying on the ground near the training area. Either way, letting her go was not a good idea.
”I've decided what to do with you two. Mountain Girl?” The currently somewhat lethargic huntress slightly perked up when she heard me calling her nickname, and I looked her straight in the eye before telling her, ”I'm sorry to say, but until things calm down a little, I'm afraid I have to insist that you remain our guest for the time being.”
”I understand.”
The way she immediately conceded took me aback for a second, but I was already on a roll, so I acknowledged her with a curt nod and turned to the mini-miko, who for some odd reason was looking at me with positively sparkling eyes.
”What about me, ue-sama?”
I opened my mouth, only to close it again, and then some more mulling over later I decided on telling her, ”For a start, I believe you still owe me for putting up with all your nonsense and even helping you out in the end, so—”
”Do I have to work? I'm fine with that! I'm good at cleaning, and small tasks, and cooking, and… uuu… maybe not cooking after all, but anything that requires attention! Mother always said I had a great eye for details!”
For a second or five I didn't know how to react to her interruption, but at the end of the day I decided to just shrug a tad indifferently.
”You know what? Sure. Do you want to pay back the favor? Start by helping me find the incriminating evidence in that filing cabinet.”
”Understood, ue-sama!”
She jumped to her feet without any further ado. Even though she was still only wearing the tracksuit jacket, it actually reached down to her ankles, so there was no danger of another flashing incident. She did look gosh darn comical though, but it didn't stop her from nimbly skipping past us and rush towards the cabinet I surreptitiously appropriated without even waiting for me to explain what she should be looking for. I let my shoulders droop in resignation and gestured for Pip to listen up and then pointed at the still seated Rinne.
”Take her to one of the smaller rooms for the time being. You can unbind her, but make sure she's still under strict surveillance.” I paused here while looking for another Faun, and eventually I settled on Vurrok. ”As for you, please take this sword off my hands and store it somewhere else.”
I held out the hand holding the wrapped up Onikiri, and I don't want to sound too dramatic or anything, but it took way more effort than expected to peel my fingers off the grip. They were throbbing like hell as well, so that probably wasn't good. I bore it with a stiff upper lip so that I wouldn't worry Judy, and once the Faun received it with almost reverent motions, I gently pulled Judy along and headed towards the filing cabinet and the little girl currently spelunking in it. We got to about halfway there when she suddenly jumped to her bare feet with a comically over-exaggerated look of awe on her face and she immediately dashed over to our side.
”Look, ue-sama! Look! I found this evidence! I'm sure it's incredibly incriminating!”
Proclaiming so, she pushed the thick rectangular book in her hands towards us and opened it wide so that we could take a good look. Judy, after overcoming her first surprise, leaned forward to scrutinize the contents for a short while before she looked back at me.
”Who's that?”
”Labcoat Guy, I presume,” I answered off the cuff, following which my girlfriend resumed her scrutiny of the polaroid photos in the album.
”He looked surprisingly cute as a kid,” she mused, but I let her comment in one ear and out the other as I tapped on the enthusiastic little girl's head with a single finger.
”This wasn't what I was looking for. There should be a magically enchanted piece of paper in a brown manila folder in there. It's hard to miss; it has a big, red thumb-print on the first page.”
”Oh, I see!” she muttered while rubbing the spot where I poked her, even though this time I was fairly gentle. ”I'll go find it!”
Just like that, she snapped the photo album shut and skipped back to whence she came from, and clumsily dragged one of the drawers open, which was actually pretty difficult considering that the cabinet was still sitting on its side.
”She's certainly enthusiastic,” my dearest assistant noted in a tone that was just a touch disgruntled. ”One would almost think she's trying to get into your good graces.”
”Well, she probably is,” I answered, only to finally notice the way she was looking at me, and subtly roll my eyes. ”It's not for the reason you think though.”
”Really? So you can tell me what I think?”
”I can only guess, but I'd bet it's something harem-related again.”
All of a sudden she squeezed my arm and exclaimed (or at the very least raised her volume a teensy bit), ”Impressive. Keep this up, and soon you may not only attract a lot of women but actually understand them.”
”Oh, ha, ha. Very funny.”
”Thank you, I practice a lot,” Judy quipped back without a shred of shame. ”But if it's not related to your harem protagonist aura, then why else would she be this eager?”
I instinctively wanted to point out that, unlike Josh, I didn't actually have any such aura, but getting bogged down in another silly argument about that wouldn't have been particularly productive, so I swallowed my indignation.
”Probably because she wants to prove herself useful so that I won't turn her off.”
”Does that mean you already turn her on?”
I let the silence linger in the air for a moment, and then I turned a pair of stern brows towards my girlfriend and firmly warned her, ”Dormouse, please stop doing that, or I swear to god I'll flick your forehead so hard even our theoretical future kids will feel it.” I kept up the pressure until she finally averted her eyes with a click of her tongue, at which point I clarified, ”Before I put her in the empty Chimera, we made a deal, and I jury-rigged an off-switch onto the enchantment so that I can put her into suspended animation if she doesn't behave herself.”
”So you have a form of control over her? That sounds somewhat like a familiar,” Judy pondered aloud, followed up by an especially deadpan, ”You're not allowed to have her call you 'master'.”
”I never planned to do that to begin with,” I protested, and it was around this point when our slow, meandering, hand-in-hand walk reached its destination.
In front of us, Ichiko already took out all the documents from the already half-open drawer, and at the moment she was trying, and failing, to pull out another one. She struggled with it for a while more before she let out an angry huff and looked around. When our eyes met, she perked up for a moment, but then she hesitated and she conspicuously looked away and continued her search. In the end her eyes settled on Karukk, who was still keeping an eye on her, as per my instructions. Once their gazes met, it immediately made the proverbial light-bulb lit up over her head with an idea (whether good or bad, only time could tell), and she pointed a flappy-sleeved hand towards the Faun.
”You there! Evil minion of the underworld!”