Chapter 23 - Butterflys Return 10:No More Secrets (2/2)
”Because of me, you had that accident. I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you that when I saw you again two months ago, but I know it's no use. Sorry can't take back what I took from you. I was so ashamed and scared to tell you knowing how much you would have hated me all those years…” she confessed, her hands balling into fists onto the sheets and Jinho sighed.
”I think, there's something you don't understand about me,” Jinho told her as he shifted Yuan into one arm so his other hand was free to touch Jae's which he did. ”But I guess it's my fault too since I took it for granted that you'd understand how I feel immediately without me having to tell you,” he continued as he glanced sideways at Jae's bowed head. The hand which held hers tightened as if he wanted to convey his feelings towards her as he spoke.
”You know, I love swimming but it's not my life. You were – are my life,” Jinho told her which made her turn to him with disbelieving eyes, and he nodded. ”The accident didn't destroy me Jae. I didn't care about the games as much as I cared about you. Well, I was upset over it but I could live without it. What destroyed me was losing you…”
”But you were so angry – ”Jae protested and Jinho shook his head. ”I wasn't angry at you because of the championship. I was furious because you left. Until today when I invited you to the hotel, I was still broken because I thought you were married. Even though I take your body over and over again, punishing you and myself by forcing you to commit ȧduŀtery, the thought that it was only temporary – that I couldn't really have all of you was eating me up inside, destroying what was left of my heart which broke when you vanished two years ago,” he admitted as tears filled his eyes once more.
In Jinho's mind was the memory of waking up at the hospital unable to move and finding out that Jae had disappeared. He thought he had been abandoned for another man. ”I hated myself and I hated you for loving someone else when I gave you my all. But as it turned out…” he paused as he laughed at his stupidity.
”As it turned out, there wasn't really anyone else is there? I saw Yihan a while ago. He told me everything. I met his wife, Hana too,” he said. ”As soon as I found out I had a son, I begged him to bring Yuan over, and his wife did.” He then frowned at his lover remembering something. ”Do you realize how I want to strangle you now for letting me go on thinking you had a husband and a child? I've been insanely jealous not knowing Yuan was mine.”
”I'm sorry,” she whispered in shame and Jinho lifted her chin so they could see eye to eye. ”Sorry won't work this time. You broke me into pieces. It's your responsibility to make me whole again,” he stated, and the almond eyes which had looked at Jae coldly for the past two months now simmered with warmth and tenderness.
The man in front of Yunjae, baring his soul, was the semblance of the sweet lover she had years ago. ”Don't leave me again. Stay. Swim…with me…” Jinho said with the gentlest of smiles, repeating the same request he had back at the poolside when she announced she'd quit swimming years ago.
This time however, she knew that swimming meant not in the water but along the tides of life. The only difference was that this time around, without the foolishness of youth, she could keep that promise. Slowly, she reached out and touched Jinho's face, and the latter caught her hand and placed it against his cheek, holding it tight.
”Jae, will you marry me?” Jinho asked, his almond orbs pleading, and she knew there wasn't any other answer she could give him. ”I will… I will …” Yunjae responded with a smile.