62 ??Ugh, I was getting fat?? (1/2)

LEIA

Over the next couple of days, my routine significantly changed. I was discharged from the hospital two days later than the initial date and it had been a month at home now. A month of sleepless nights. A month of exhaustion.

I couldn't complain, though. Not when I saw Abdar Rahman's face and some strange light flicked open inside me. Not when he was this cute ball of chubbiness; the fat-creases between his arms and legs were quite obvious and his cheeks were hued a deep pink. Believe it or not, he had occasionally—very occasionally—opened his eyes and they were larger than life and a brown so beautiful, it stole my breath away each time.

Everyone in the house had fallen in love with him.

Even now, Labeeb held him somewhere in the house. I wouldn't know; I hadn't been able to get up from the bed. My routine consisted of eating, barely sleeping and feeding.

Just this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and I was shocked. My face seemed drained of all blood—which, by the way, the entirety of my body was facing. I had a feeling I was low on iron. Again. But I wasn't going to ask Dad to get me a few shots of it because let's be honest, it was expensive and buying diapers was already quite costly. My needs could be fulfilled later.

That wasn't the shocker. It was this . . . thing I had become. I had always been thin and now, my body was all over the place.

I groaned.

How would I even lose all this fat now? I had never thought of myself ever dieting.

I sure needed it though.

You just want to look pretty for Zayn, my conscience taunted.

It was true. I couldn't deny that I was disappointed Zayn hadn't appeared yet. Maybe he was just giving me space, knowing the kind of pain I was in. Most days, I could barely cope and it had been impossible to allow close contact with anyone. Mom literally hadn't bothered hugging me for comfort anymore.

All in all, I was a total mess. A fat one at that.