Chapter 24: Open heart (2/2)
”If I could do something about it… even I… even I…”
She also had a maiden heart. She also wished to fall in love and be loved back, to hold the hand of her loved one and become one with him, to wake up in his arms and later down the line to give birth to a child.
”Teacher.”
Sol called out to Edea, whose head was facing downwards, and he had eyes filled with all kinds of emotions.
Edea on the other hand was filled with shame. She was disgusted by how her shameful side was exposed and couldn't look up at his face.
”Teacher… It's easy to give up.”
”...”
”But…”
The gloom of her innermost thoughts, her dissatisfaction, and her sentiments that seemed like an outburst of anger…
”... It doesn't fit you teacher.”
All of those things vanished when this boy she always cared for made such a straight declaration filled with absolute confidence.
”I don't know what type of rough feelings you've been through, or what you've done to make you suffer like this. I know I shouldn't rashly say something like I understand it too.”
”...”
”But… but even then… there are things that I understand.”
”...”
”I know that teacher isn't someone who could give up on something midway. I know that you aren't someone who can give up on the future.”
Edea was overwhelmed by that fierce radiance within his eyes.
Because after all, this couldn't have been anything but a misunderstanding by him; it was a misunderstanding that was so wrong to the point of it being humorous. It couldn't be anything other than an overestimation of her as a person.
Edea didn't understand just how precious, just how triumphant of a person she was in Sol's eyes, but she knew that she wasn't such a great person.
She was a coward at heart. Despite all her power, she stayed in a prison she could have left anytime because she didn't wish to face the outside world.
Even though she was betrayed, she smiled because she did not wish to face the truth.
Even though she felt alone, she smiled because she did not wish to cry.
Even though she wanted someone to help her, she smiled because she did not wish to break her pitiful pride.
”Tha… I'm not that kind of person… I―I”
”That's not true. Teacher is one of the greatest persons in this world for me.”
Sol continued and continued to deny Edea's resignation.
”What do you, just what do you――just what do you know about me!?”
Her violent emotions that flared up in her chest busted out violently.
She raises her infuriated voice and the world as if answering her wrath begins to tremble under her might. The wind picked up and the earth rumbled. Clouds gathered in the sky and a cold wind replaced the previously refreshing breeze.
This was the full might of Edea, known as the witch of time. Sol currently felt so small, so weak in front of her. Just a thought would be enough for her to completely crush him.
But… His gaze never wavered.
”I hate myself.”
Edea murmured, but her voice echoed in the world.
”I'm empty. I have nothing inside. No doubt about it...aah, it's obvious. Of course, it's obvious! Do you know what I did all the time since the day I was imprisoned in this tower until the day Mars and then you opened this door?”
Sol stayed silent as he let her vent her feelings.
”I did nothing.”
She slumped onto her chair as if all strength left her, her eyes were devoid of any emotion and the world that was previously shaking began to calm down.
”My rotten character was created all because of my powerlessness and incompetence…! I don't do anything, yet I want to accomplish something. It's the height of arrogance, don't you think?”
Hundreds of years passed by idling and mopping, crying over her pain, and acting as if she was the saddest being in the world.
Of course, she made research, she accumulated knowledge and became powerful, extremely powerful, but,
”It wasn't as if I was trying to become strong or trying to make things better… I was simply taking a clear pose to show that it wasn't like I wasn't trying and that I was putting in an effort. It was simply to justify myself…”
She was abandoned by the man who swore to always care for her and always protect her from all pain.
Even though her teachers told her to not believe in him, even though her sisters told her that he was suspicious.
”Even when I decided to help you with studying, it was just a pose to cover up my embarrassment! Deep inside, I'm just a small, cowardly piece of filth who only cares about my appearance. Deep inside, nothing…! Nothing has changed!”
Attacking with a strong voice, putting the blame on others, and finding a reason for things would put her at ease.
She felt at ease without seeing her true self.
She felt at ease without showing her true self.
If her exterior remained unpeeled, she could feel at ease from not being able to see what was inside.
Even after spitting everything out, she still couldn't get the strong feelings in her chest that were similar to nausea to disappear.
Was it not a given that she should feel a bit lighter after spitting out everything that was stockpiled in her chest?
'What will he think? What will he say? Will he be disgusted? disappointed?'
”I see. Teacher is truly a worthless slothful and without any redeeming features.”
'Ah~! So this is it.'
Her heart felt a pain never ever before felt, even the betrayal of Jupiter didn't feel as painful as this.
”But–So what?”
'What?'
She raised her head in shock and looked at the eyes full of compassion of the young boy seated in front of her.
”You know, teacher, no, Edea. I do not care about how ugly you think you are or how much you hate yourself. I just wish to know more about you. About the things, I already know and about those, I do not.”
The unconditional love and the full trust Sol had for Edea made her feel an unprecedented level of unease.
She cursed at all those wrongdoings, exposed all those unsightly but true feelings, had a facade that was full of lies, and confessed that she was garbage beyond saving. But even then…
”Why–just why are you looking at me with eyes that are filled with this sort of affection? Why? Why are you so insistent about me? I'm weak, small, and cowardly. I hide my weak interior by acting as if I was so full of wisdom. Tell me why?”
”Why? Do I really need to spell it to you after all this time?” Taking a deep breath, he punctuated his words with a carefree smile full of conviction. ”Simply–because I love you.”