Chapter 13 (1/2)
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Chapter 13
“Mmph…!”
This kiss, mixed with tears, tasted salty. I tried to push him away, but in the end, my hands were no match for him. He had no consideration at all with the kiss, and he was starting to hurt me.
The moment his lips finally left mine, I stumbled, collapsing once nothing was supporting me anymore.
While gasping for air, I looked up, but his cold gaze looked back at me. In that gaze without any warmth… it’s like I could feel my heart breaking. After all this time, did I dare wish for something futile once again?
“Tell me how it feels to kiss a man you don’t even like, Miss Everett.”
“……”
Theodore’s cruel words pierced my ears as I stood up helplessly. I felt resentful about his own misconception towards me, but I soon lost this sentiment. I was someone who didn’t deserve to blame him.
“Will you be alright with anything? Can you do more than that? Will you be able to use the same bed as me every night just like that?”
Theodore grabbed my forearm and asked sarcastically. I was still looking for words—any words at all—to resolve this misunderstanding, but I was left dazed as though I’d been hit on the head. How…
No matter how much this situation was, how could he say this? Did he have to insult me like this?
“You… You don’t know…”
Words that I wasn’t even thinking about spilled out of my mouth. My whole body trembled as he insulted me. Theodore grabbed my chin again.
Slap!
At that moment, I didn’t realize but I had roughly shoved his hand away and slapped him.
With his head turned to the side, his cheek quickly turned red. Even after being slapped, he was just standing still, and it was me who stumbled away. The hand that I swung with all my might tingled at the palm.
The room was engulfed by a frosty silence. But then, laughter leaked through his lips. His eyes soon looked back at me again, and his ice-cold hatred was evident.
I unconsciously hugged my upper body with both my arms. As he glared at me, Theodore sarcastically spoke in a cynical voice.
“Even so, you must have your pride.”
“……”
“Certainly, there’s no way that the Young Lady of Everett would want to be together with me sincerely. I apologize for being presumptuous.”
He stared at me for a long time, perhaps for as long as he could tolerate, then he turned around.
“……”
Staring blankly at the place where he left, I soon staggered and sat down on the floor by the bed. I don’t know what just happened… It felt like I had been in the middle of a nightmare. As I folded into myself on the cold surface of which its chill was seeping into me, a sob soon left my lips.
A cry that didn’t seem to be mine permeated the room. My body trembled uncontrollably. It was pain, it was sorrow, it was terror and it was loneliness that filled me to the core, however, I would not be able to seek solace from anyone. It was something that I couldn’t tell even Charlotte.
I was so weak and pathetic whenever I faced Theodore…
“Hiic…”
All of these feelings were those that I had to keep to myself. Like swallowing a thorn. Even if I try to pretend that it wasn’t there, even if I try to throw it away, would I be rid of it? Would it be that easy? What should I do now?
Rather, I wish I were like my father, like a monster.
If I was a monster that no one could love…
‘Then it wouldn’t be this painful.’
That delusion was shallow, that hope was weak, and yet the truth was clear and this despair was immense. Perhaps I secretly hoped. That I could be saved by someone if I fell in love with them.
It was a mistake to presume—that Theodore Valentino might come to understand me if he finds out the truth about me. That he might save me…
I didn’t even know that all he felt about me was repugnance.
How laughable it was that I expected something and tried to cling to him.
‘I’m not Duke Everett’s biological child… Truthfully, I’m different from them. Will Theodore even believe this?’
I buried my face on both palms. Tears still kept flowing. If it was enough for a lake, I felt like I would drown forever. This sorrow made me wish for my own demise. Why me, why me of all people…
I was overcome with the urge to rip out and crush the heart that was shaking so painfully inside me. Please. Stop. Even if I struggled and shouted, begging for this pain to stop, my heart continued to stay there.
Why did I have to have feelings for Theodore Valentino. I lived like an old tree that had dried up and died, but why did it have to be him for whom I felt such a clear emotion. No matter what, it should have been someone else.
“……”
As I raised my head, I suddenly saw light permeating through my fingers. The sun was already rising, but I couldn’t feel its warmth.
I had shed tears and looked out the window blankly for a long time. …It felt like a lie that the day had begun anew.
Knock, knock—
I heard a knock from outside the door, but without responding, I went under the sheets and immersed myself in the deep darkness.
The sun would not rise during my day. Perhaps, forever.
Since then, Theodore’s attitude became much colder and much sharper than before.
Even if I just looked at him once, he would throw a harsh remark at me, and every time this happened, I could only respond by shrinking into myself.
I became more and more afraid of him. Truthfully, I didn’t even know that I was afraid of my feelings for him. Those emotions made me weak. In front of him, I was significantly weak, and I was easily hurt by just a glimpse of his scathing glare.
I hated myself so much that I wanted to tear apart, to break, to destroy myself. But just as before, I didn’t even have the courage to take my own life. I also couldn’t run away from here. At a time when the Valentino household was still weak, if I were to run away, I don’t know what my father or Owen would do to Valentino while using me as an excuse.
And so, I was stuck in a dilemma. There were knives everywhere—I couldn’t go anywhere. It was best to just curl up right here where I was.
But one day, I struggled to pluck up my courage and spoke to him.
“Duke, I have something to tell you…”
“I’m busy.”
“It will take only a moment.”
“What is it? Don’t waste my time and just say it outright.”
His exasperated gaze automatically made my shoulders curl up, but I finally managed to utter the words that I’ve been practicing with all my heart.
“I’m different from my father and brothers. I… I didn’t want this marriage. I mean, I didn’t want to get married to you in order to harm the Valentino family, it was only because of my father’s coercion. I just want to help the Valentino family and you…”