Part 7 (1/2)
Paddy had apologized for the kiss, convinced that Katie was Brian's love She had convinced hi Paddy was a heart breaker, but he did have a code of ethics Encroaching on his brother's ”territory” went against that code
I made him see, finally, that is was hiht bitterly, staring out the carinto the dark night, and now look what he's gone and done with it Stomped all over it with those muddy boots of his!
Still, she couldn't blae education, and her uncle was a successful publisher Belle could be a great help to Paddy
And anyways, 'twasn't Belle's fault Kathleen Hanrahan was a fool for a handsome Irish lad with dark, merry eyes and a smile that would melt steel Should have steered way clear of him and wasn't that the truth? Just like the titanic should have steered around that iceberg
Paddy and Belle Hadn't she suspected for a while now? She'd seen so little of him lately 'Course that was partly because she'd been so busy singing Was that part of the proble no ress on his book than a mule in mud?
ButKatie choked back a crywhat earthly good would a singing career be without Paddy? What good would anything be?
Katie wiped her eyes If Patrick Kelleher was too blind to see that no one would ever love hi to toss that away like a sweet potato wrapper, let hiirls in County Cork He could just go fly a kite in Central Park! And he could take Belle Tyree with him for all Katie cared
”John,” Katie said in a perfectly noroin' witha letter to Vassar College declining her ads Elizabeth had ever done ”I regret ” Regret see The word for what she was feeling should have many letters in it, perhaps the entire alphabet Six letters weren't nearly enough
But when, unable to give up the last shred of hope, she had mentioned the word ”nurse” to hercared for by a stranger, Elizabeth had been forced to hastily reassure her ”I'm here, Mother, I'm here, I'll take care of you,” she had to say repeatedly, until her ht, sunny Thursday afternoon Elizabeth left her in Esther's capable hands just long enough to walk to the corner and post her letter Two young wohtheartedly Perhaps, Elizabeth thought disconsolately as she walked slowly back to the house, they were on their way to register for college classes, or to sign up for flying lessons, or to take part in a suffrage ton Square Or perhaps they were on their way to e for coffee, where the four would engage in a lively, spirited discussion about workers' rights and unionization, about politics and socialism, about art and books, as Max and his friends did And as her mother and friends did not
The fall and winter seasons stretched ahead of Elizabeth like an endless cold, dark tunnel If it weren't for Max, she would crawl into bed and stay there until next summer Perhaps her mother would be better by next summer Perhaps there was still hope
I can't bear it, she thought as she re-entered the house I shall not be able to bear it
Two days later Nola was up and about, fully dressed, taking charge of the household just as she always had Elizabeth allowed herself to hope again, just a little Her mother seemed the very picture of health Impossible to believe she was illexcept that Elizabeth had seen her on her knees on the garden path, her face as white as the stone on which she was kneeling And had sat beside her in the ambulance, Nola's lips bluish, her eyes closed Had heard the doctor say, ”Heart trouble”
”Are you going to sign up for a class or two at CCNY?” Max asked Though he orking feverishly on his new paintings, he had taken so how unhappy Elizabeth o for a drive, but she didn't want to leave the house, so they settled on a bench in the rear garden instead ”Anne's taking a couple of classes” Max laughed ”She can never decide which courses to take, so every semester she tosses a toothpick up in the air and wherever it lands on the course calendar, that's the class she takes”
”This is where my mother collapsed,” Elizabeth said slowly It was very hot out Elizabeth liked the feel of the sun on her skin Sometimes, when it was really hot, it almost seeht over there, that's where she went down I thought she was dying” Her ht she saw blackspot on soet someone to see to the roses Mother will be upset if they're not cared for, and she shouldn't be doing it herself”
”She looks fine to”It's hard to believe she has anything wrong with her”
”Well, she does” Elizabeth replied testily, htly away from him ”If you'd seen her that day”
”I know, I believe you, Elizabeth,” he interrupted ”I' she looks really well Anyhat about CCNY?”
”I don't know yet I'll have to think about it It seeot home from the hospital, Max”
”She wouldn't be alone She has the staff Or you could ask one of her friends to come over and sit with her, if you think she needs that Just while you're at class Did the doctor say you couldn't leave her alone?”
He hadn't Not in soabout this with Max was a mistake He just didn't understand He still had two healthy, active parents, even if he seldo to come and see her On an impulse, Elizabeth jumped up and went to pick a rose for hih hershears handy, she broke the ste a thorn into the fleshy part of her palm When she cried out, Max was at her side instantly ”I wanted this for you,” Elizabeth said, extending the rose with its broken ste to see me You didn't have to I know you're busy” Tears filled her eyes, not entirely from the pain in her hand ”I wish you could take e with you, that's what I wish”
”I wish it too, Elizabeth” He pulled a white handkerchief from his jacket pocket and wrapped it around the injured pal it into a buttonhole in his lapel ”Thank you for the rose I'm sorry you hurt your hand I'm sorry you hurt in other ways, too, Elizabeth I wish I could help” He put an ar her head on his chest She was so tired She didn't understand that She hadn't done anything to , hadn't joined a ht long at the Victoria But she was very, very tired
When Max lifted her chin and bent his own head to kiss her, even though it had been a while since they'd been alone, even though Elizabeth h she loved hi that last letter to Vassar sealing her fate and stealing her future had numbed her from head to toe She almost wept then, with Max's lips still on hers, because she wanted so much to feel what she had always felt when he kissed her That wonderful, warhted her When Max was kissing her, when he was holding her, she was never cold It was the only time she was never cold
She was cold now In spite of the heat, in spite of Max's loving, passionate kiss, she was freezing
Perhaps that hy she was so nu his head
The very thought of atte, she would have to say, everything is the matter But Max hadn't co,” she said as brightly as she could 's the matter” She meant, then, to return his kiss, but Nola came out to see to her roses, and the moment passed
When Max left, he didn't atteht without e hiet frostbite
It's just as well, she told herself as she went back inside to see if Nola ht like to be read to for a while froht as well find soood wife I should tell hi He's too nice to break it off hiht want to It's up to me to set hiht He'll argue, I knoill, but I shall be very firht even tell hi to do I would need to sound as if I meant it Could I do that?
For Max's sake, perhaps she could
She tried That sa rooone to bed, afraid that if she waited, she'd lose her nerve She thought she did quite a convincing job of it, saying she was going to be much too busy to see hiht take soe, and ith that and taking care of Nola, the s would be for him to find someone else to keep him company She would, she said firmly, certainly understand It just made sense, she said without a quaver in her voice
But she did not, could not, go so far as to say she no longer loved him
Then Max's voice, the voice that warood at this, you know You should be grateful you're not yearning for an acting career No one would ever hire you because you're a terrible actress, and you'd starve” Then his voice deepened further ”Listen to me, Elizabeth I love you You love me I can be patient I know I'm not always, but for you, for us, I can be It'll work out soh worse than this, re irl It's you or no one Do you understand that?”
”But”
”Do you understand that?”
”Yes, Max”
”I love you, you lovehappily ever after, right?”
”Yes, Max”
”Good night, Elizabeth”
”Good night, Max”
She wasn't nearly as cold when she went to bed that night as she had been during the hottest part of the afternoon
But that night there was the dream Of ice Of cold water, of screams
Chapter 14