Chapter 400 - Even More Charming in the Moonlight (1/2)
Jing He and Tian lay in the darkness both of them seemingly unsure of what to do next. Tian had probably given up hope already that anything would happen this night and Jing He who wanted something to happen didn't dare to bring it up.
Yes, he had decided. If Tian took the first step, he would allow him. But it still required Tian to take the first step. He himself … he couldn't bring himself to do it. After all, even if he had decided, he didn't want to give his lover cause to think of him differently. There was a chance that he already would when he embraced him before their wedding but he definitely didn't want to make it worse.
In his lover's eyes, he wanted to remain pure. Tian should think of him as perfect, as someone worthy of his love. He didn't want to be seen as a slut. So, naturally, Jing He wouldn't ask for it even if it was the only possibility to fulfill this wish tonight. He'd rather forgo being embraced by his lover for now than risking that Tian would dislike him.
Although … Jing He slightly lifted his head and looked at Tian's arm that held onto his waist. It had been ten years since they met and his lover had tried more than just a few times to get physically closer to him. If it didn't happen even now and he then went on his trial, would Tian feel that there wasn't any hope left for them? Ah, he would rather Tian thought badly of him but stayed with him than losing him while leaving a perfect image in his mind.
Jing He wanted to speak up but he couldn't find any words that would convey his feelings. What should he say? How could he say it in a way that wouldn't leave too bad of an impression in his lover's mind?
At the same time, Tian seemed to decide that he had waited long enough for his beloved to calm down. The arm that had been calmly lying around his waist started to move and finally found Jing He's hand in the dark. ”My love, don't you want to see me?”
Jing He shuddered. Tian's voice sounded so close, even more so because of the darkness around them. There was nothing but that gentle voice behind him, the warmth of the chest in his back, the heavy arm circling his waist, the slightly rough skin of that hand … Jing He closed his eyes and let himself fall. Maybe his lover wouldn't embrace him tonight but … he could still be his in a sweet way.
”Was what I did this unforgivable?” The person slowly moved, propping himself up on one arm and slightly bending over his lover, his breath caressing Jing He's cheek.
Jing He's eyes opened only to see the vague silhouette of his lover above him. His heart leaped. If Tian bent down now and their lips met, then … then maybe …
”Jing He?” Tian indeed lowered himself a little but didn't try to kiss him.
”Mn.” Jing He waited with bated breath but his lover didn't even seem to think of continuing. In the end, he himself turned to the other side. He didn't say anything though.
Tian observed him for a moment before lying down again. ”So you're not angry with me?”
Jing He slid closer in lieu of an answer and snuggled up against his lover's chest. How could he be angry? He would never be able to be angry at him.
Tian reached over and gently cupped his cheek. ”I really wouldn't have been able to stand it had you been dissatisfied with me. Having to separate for these two months … it's bad enough. I don't even want to imagine separating on a bad note.”