Chapter 628 - A Beautiful Dream (1/2)

In the corridor outside the room, Jinde leaned against the wall and touched his forehead. Ah, that was something he shouldn't have seen. Thankfully, he had left before Xin Lan noticed him. If he did … they might not be able to go on like before. Wouldn't that be a pity?

He leaned his head against the wall and stared at the ceiling. What were the chances that Xin Lan hadn't thought of him? That was his bed, after all. His scent was everywhere. Ah, maybe this wasn't too strange. Xin Lan had been alone for a long time and he had never denied that he found him attractive. So maybe this was nothing more than that. A lonely man and the thought of a beauty. Yes, most likely, there was nothing more to it than that.

Jinde closed his eyes and held back a curse. All these years he had depended on Xin Lan. There were even things he had only shared with nobody but him. If this kind of thing got between them, he wasn't sure how he would take it.

How had this suddenly happened? Hadn't everything been alright before? There had never been anything between them other than trust and gratitude, a friendship that had slowly formed with the passing of time. And he had always believed that Xin Lan was alright with that. After all, he had known from the very beginning what his stance regarding this was.

Jinde turned his head and stared at the door that still stood open. He couldn't help but think back to the time when they had just met. Back then it hadn't been long since he became king and it had been even less time since Chun Yin rejected him and made clear that he couldn't have both the throne and the man he loved. His heart had been heavy and he had thrown himself into everything that needed to be done in the realm and everything else he could do just so he wouldn't have to think of the future.

Xin Lan … had originally been one of those things. Someone he picked up on the roadside and dragged back home to put his skills with medicine that he had learned for Chun Yin's sake to good use. Stitching him back together, healing every scratch and stab on his body and easing his pain … for a long while, that had been what he spent his time with.

And Xin Lan finally woke up … Who knew what had gotten into him not to tell him who he was? Who knew what had possessed Xin Lan not to divulge his own identity? One who had given his heart away forever but had it broken and didn't think it could be mended. One who didn't like his heart since it could be taken back at any moment unlike everyone else's. Maybe that was what had made them circle each other round for round until it got too serious to continue.

Even now, he felt like he could still feel Xin Lan's breath brushing his cheek and his hand holding onto his wrist when he closed his eyes and thought back. His heart would still thump in excitement and guilt.

”I … There's someone I like,” was what he said.

”Like?” was the answer that he got and he had nodded in shame.

Why had he pretended for that long? Because it felt good. For once, he wasn't the one to chase after someone's back. For once, he wasn't left behind in the rain. For once, there was someone that looked at him with fiery eyes, making him feel that … he was beautiful. Desirable. Coveted. He had thrived in that feeling, reveled. And yes, for a while, he had led Xin Lan on like that. And only then had regret washed over him.