Chapter 1195 - Two Different Souls (1/2)

Jinde gave him a long look. He could imagine what was going through his husband's mind. In a way, he felt comforted hearing that Leng Jin Yu was thinking about him so much. On the other hand, he felt a little guilty. ”You do not have to do this. While I do want to know, I do not want to pressure you into anything.

”What we are living like right now is our life. Chun Yin has been dead for a long time. And I have been living with the things that happened back then for a long time as well. While it hurts to think about it, it is in the past. What we have right now is our present and our future. I would rather never find out what Chun Yin's reasons were for the things he did back then than to lose my future with you. I lost him back then. I don't want to lose you. So it is up to you.”

Leng Jin Yu nodded, giving himself a moment to think things through. ”Well, there is a chance. But there's no certainty in what the outcome will be if we give it a try. It could go well but it could go just as badly at the same time. We do not know before we don't try.”

Jinde nodded. ”That is the situation we're in, yes. And I'm sorry to put that burden on you.”

Leng Jin Yu shook his head and interlaced his fingers with Jinde's. ”You don't have to apologize. That's something that we've talked about. We both want to know. Even though I can't remember everything, there's a bit. And you bet that I've been thinking about it more than once.

”I know that it will help you. It might not be as important anymore after your soul has been healed but there's more to this. What happened with Chun Yin caused a different kind of injury to you. And if I can do anything to help you heal from that, then as your husband I should do that.”

”It will be at your risk though.” Jinde couldn't deny that he was hoping Leng Jin Yu would decide on doing it. But at the same time, he was also worried. If things went wrong … He would never be able to forgive himself. Originally, he hadn't thought about that too much because it had been so far away but now that he was healed and this was a very real possibility right in front of him … He didn't know anymore what was right or wrong.

Leng Jin Yu sat up and pulled Jinde into a sitting position as well. He took his hands, tightly holding onto them, and looked into his eyes. ”We've already talked about this. Why would we suddenly change our minds? In any case, I want to know and you want to know. Yes, things could go wrong but I think that we should give it try.”

Jinde nodded faintly but there was still a feeling of worry inside him. ”And if it really goes wrong?”

Leng Jin Yu reached up and gently caressed Jinde's cheek. ”You won't lose me. We've already been together for more than a millennium by now. We know each other. If you notice that I'm behaving strangely, you can help me through it. Losing myself because of some new memories … I really don't think it will happen. But if it does, then you can help me figure out again who I was before. I'm sure that it is possible.”

Jinde took a deep breath and then nodded. ”Alright. Then … should we start now or … do you want to give it a bit more time?”