Volume 2 Chapter 3 (1/2)
As usual, it was a cloudy
I put on a tone of nonchalance and asked Louie for a favor
”I'o back to the village of Urs for a bit?”
Louie, as getting rid of the traces that we had caht, turned to me in suspicion I continued,
”I think we'll be able to reach Urs again from here by noon”
”……Why do you need to return?”
”So actually, the lighter——it's a tool fros on fire, and I accidentally left it at Urs Er that I threw at the Reis to my uncle That's why I want to retrieve it no an to recite the excuse that I'd prepared in advance
”I know that it's better just to leave it behind, but I's that connect me back to the other world……”
It was a barefaced lie Not to ht But there was a chance that Louie wouldn't let
——I want to know if the dreaht was real
I couldn't help but look dohen I felt Louie's gaze onat him properly in the eye
I could tell that Louie was being hesitant He probably didn't want to go back to Urs if at all possible, since a lot of terrible stuff had happened there It was only natural that he was suspicious ofthat you absolutely cannot bear to lose?”
Louie asked as if he was trying to eet this conversation over with as fast as possible
”Very well”
Was he exasperated at ry at h mixed in with his reply
We arrived back at Urs late in the
We arrived earlier than I'd expected because Eru let Louie ride his back too, and not just me Eru was despondent on the road and was in rather low spirits
We passed by the fields and through the stone gate My heartrate grew uncomfortably fast The air was unusually heavy And, a rotten stench had spread throughout the area that hadn't been here yesterday
Everything looked noticeably darker too, though it could just be thatto the place where ere last night, Hibiki?”
”Yeah”
Louie suddenly asked hesitantly when the buildings began to come into view
”……May I stay with you?”
I couldn't answer his quiet question Hadn't I been the one who'd first said that I wanted to stay with hie we'd shared only yesterday felt far away, as if it had taken places years ago instead
”Hibiki”
The scene before aze away as I attempted to respond to Louie, who had called out tovoice
”Oh……”
I july at the scene——at the reht
The afterrey sky
I moved away fro steps
”No…”
My nightmare had overlapped perfectly with reality
A mountain of corpses covered the road——
A scene that was a horrible as I'd expected existed before htmare My dream was actually ”real””
I walked up to the closest lump of charred flesh
The luhastly that I truly wanted to look away
Every lump had been burnt pitch black, perhaps because they had been showered by the bloodied water Worst of all was the fact that they had lost so inal forms that I couldn't tell whether they remained as Reims or if they had returned to their human shapes
But, I could just barely see that they had ars
”All these people……I really, really…”
I desperately held on to my consciousness before it faded away Chills ran up from the bottom of my feet
”I can't carry this truth……”
The remains of the enormous amount of death I'd caused would not disappear even after I'd rubbed ht my eyelids would tear apart
They wouldn't return The souls of the charred corpses wouldn't return even if I cut the had toward one of the soot-covered corpses
The corpses were cold, having lost all their heat, but their flesh and skin were slimy, likely because they'd been so hideously burnt A black stain spread out beneath them like ink
There were even lu out Even the insides of the bones had been dyed black
”What should I have done instead? If I'd entrusted et killed by the Reims, then none of this would have…”
But I didn't want to die
I wanted Louie to keep living, too
”I thought I could do anything for that”
I absents There were corpses that expressed their anguish with the entirety of their bodies There was even a corpse that had clawed the earth and was stretching out its ar salvation The lower half of the carbonized corpse had largely been torn apart
I fell into the illusion that so loudly in round where I stood
My gaze, which I had let wander aimlessly, fell onto another blackened luaze was a bit more distorted and smaller than the rest I'd heard before that corpses that had been burnt to death shrank into boxer-like positions, so, for a ht that hy
I quickly realized that I rong
Half of their face was burnt The skin below the parts that had carbonized was red with erythe it all look so horribly raw
”That person She was the first person I resurrected……”
Her forehead was covered in soot Her eyes were shut tight Her twisted expression had frozen in the shape of the uniolden hair was beautiful I was so happy when you revived that I felt that you had saved th left ns of life, and I thought that I could feel only her resent rising up and swirling around ered back up to my feet The rows of corpses continued on no round was dyed black
My foot caught on so as I walked and I fell over As ht the hand of a corpse It was like it had grabbed ontoaway froe
I tried to freeon top of somebody's corpse Their burnt, melted, and blackened skin was stuck on my robes And on my hands and shoes
Should I closeon, should I stop in my tracks——
”Hibiki”
My body was suddenly lifted up as I heard a voice My voice wouldn't come out, and I didn't knohere I was or what I should do
I heard a desperate, sorrowful cry
My mind finally returned to normal as I blinked repeatedly
Louie had carried ently sat me down on the trunk of a fallen tree
Eru cooed and licked ain as if he was trying to push his bushy mane and nose into me
When I turned around because someone had suddenly takenaardly with one knee on the ground He took out a hand towel fro froers with it as I stared blankly back at him
The black ink stuck to the cloth
”Louie……”
Louie stoppedhis hands when I quietly called out to hi single- out behind him
”I'm sorry”
I was supposed to die——I wanted someone to tell me off and say that I should have died instead of the the incredible brutality of this reality It was far too little, far too late
”I'm so sorry I shouldn't have come to this world I've only made you suffer so s…”
”Hibiki”
Louie called out toIt kept going around and around
”Olin and Silvai were troubled……before I caet things done I thought that I could do anything as long as I tried hard enough But that's not hoorks I've onlyso si about the future I didn't try to understand anything I didn't understand anything at all”
The words spilled endlessly out of my mouth as if I was broken
”I wanted to help that woman I wanted to hear her say ”thank you, it was all thanks to you” I wanted her to tell lad that I was here……”
Louie looked ataway
”I didn't want to die I was so scared ——I still can't help but think about hoant keep living! Even after doing so so horrible, even still, I still don't want to die!!”
My arently when I covered my face with my hands
”Please look at me, Hibiki”
I couldn't look up for a while even at his urging A long time had passed before I quietly looked up at him
Louie's eyes were as beautiful as ever——and they looked like they held acold and hard was suddenly dropped into hter
”It was a lie when you said that you wanted to search for this, wasn't it? You wanted to return here to confirm this disaster, didn't you?”
Would he curse me if I replied yes? Would he hate me so much he'd want to kill me?
”Please, look Look at me”
I stared back into Louie serious and earnest eyes when he asked ht?”
Louie's hand brushed against ht that he was about to choke oing through , while you were alone and being toruilty conscience…… I' joy——”
——Joy?
”Riots and fighting broke out across the land when destruction befell upon it An enees than us, planned to use the disaster as an opportunity to invade us and es and forests like this in order to make the enemy soldiers retreat I had only felt empty every time I did, but this time…”
Louie's eyes reflected his past for ato reality
”…I eht I would lose my mind”
”……Huh? Why would you……?”
”It is because you chose the path of living with h the sanified that you chose to walk together with me, even if you had to sacrifice the others”
”Louie, I…”
It hurt
I had never entertained such pure feelings I was si alive
”That is what happened in the end I felt as much despicable joy as you suffered from the sins you blaht?”
”Yes”
I could see nothing despicable in Louie's eyes as he confessed I only felt his unexaggerated kindness and syht in shi+ning in the this to console me……?”
”No I don't want to console you Because your pain belongs to me,”
Louie replied without hesitation He continued,
”and so, I wanted to stop you for a moment when you toldthat you needed to reently stroked ain
”But, in truth, you were concerned not with an object that connected you to your home country, but with only your sins I could not help but be filled with joy I eht as I faced the inerasable sins before me”
Louie lowered his eyes and quietly placed his head on my knee His movements carried the sa hiuilt torony, I still want for you to stay with me like this The sin that this scene points out to me is none other than the sin of deep, dark jubilance”
”That's only because you were alone for so long that you're afraid to lose me…”
He would surely think otherwise after soained his senses