Part 2 (1/2)

Mrs Grizzle is indefatigable in gratifying her Sister's Longings--Peregrine is born, and ed contrary to the Directions and Reusted upon that account, and resumes the Plan which she had before rejected

The success of this device would have encouraged Mrs Pickle to practise more of the same sort upon her sister-in-law, had she not been deterred by a violent fever which seized her zealous ally, in consequence of the fatigue and uneasiness she had undergone; which, while it lasted, as effectually conduced to her repose, as any other stratagem she could invent But Mrs Grizzle's health was no sooner restored, than the other, being as ed, in her own defence, to have recourse to soed her artifices in such a manner, as leaves it at this day a doubt whether she was really so whimsical and capriccios in her appetites as she herself pretended to be; for her longings were not restricted to the demands of the palate and stoans of sense, and even invaded her iely diseased

One tied to pinch her husband's ear; and it ith infinite difficulty that his sister could prevail upon hio the operation Yet this task was easy, in coratification of Mrs Pickle's unaccountable desire; which was no other than to persuade the co-bellied lady, who ardently wished for an opportunity of plucking three black hairs from his beard When this proposal was first communicated to Mr Trunnion by the husband, his ansas nothing but a dreadful effusion of oaths, accompanied with such a stare, and delivered in such a tone of voice, as terrified the poor beseecher into immediate silence; so that Mrs Grizzle was fain to take the whole enterprise upon herself, and next day went to the garrison accordingly, where, having obtained entrance by means of the lieutenant, hile his commander was asleep, ordered her to be admitted for the joke's sake, she waited patiently till he turned out, and then accosted hi walk He was thunderstruck at the appearance of a woman in a place he had hitherto kept sacred froan to utter an apostrophe to Tom Pipes, whose turn it was then to watch; when Mrs Grizzle, falling on her knees before him, conjured hirant her request, which was no sooner signified, than he bellowed in such an outrageous manner that the whole court re-echoed the opprobrious term b--, and the word da volubility, without any sort of propriety or connection; and retreated into his penetralia, leaving the baffled devotee in the humble posture she had so unsuccessfully chosen toas this repulse must have been to a lady of her stately disposition, she did not relinquish her aim, but endeavoured to interest the commodore's counsellors and adherents in her cause With this view she solicited the interest of Mr Hatchho, being highly pleased with a circumstance so productive of mirth and diversion, readily entered into her measures, and promised to employ his whole influence for her satisfaction; and as for the boatswain's uinea, which she slipped into his hand

In short, Mrs Grizzle was continually engaged in this negotiation for the space of ten days, during which, the commodore was so incessantly pestered with her remonstrances, and the admonitions of his associates, that he swore his people had a design upon his life, which beco a burden to him, he at last complied, and was conducted to the scene like a victim to the altar, or rather like a reluctant bear, when he is led to the stake as

After all, this victory was not quite so decisive as the conquerors i set, and the performer prepared with a pair of pincers, a small difficulty occurred: she could not for some time discern one black hair on the whole superficies of Mr Trunnion's face, when Mrs Grizzle, very lass that stood upon her toilet; and, after a most accurate examination, discovered a fibre of a dusky hue, to which the instru applied, Mrs Pickle pulled it up by the roots, to the no s the smart much more severe than he had expected, started up, and swore he would not part with another hair to save them all from damnation

Mr Hatchway exhorted hination; Mrs Grizzle repeated her entreaties with great hu hi the house, she clasped his knees, and begged for the love of God that he would have compassion upon a distressed family, and endure a little more for the sake of the poor infant, ould otherwise be born with a gray beard upon its chin

Far fro melted, he was rather exasperated by this reflection; to which he replied with great indignation, ”D-- you for a yaw-sighted b--!

I'll be hanged, long enough before he has any beard at all:” so saying, he disengaged hi out at the door, and halted ho speed, that the lieutenant could not overtake hiate; and Mrs

Grizzle was so much affected with his escape, that her sister, in pure co that her oas already gratified, for she had plucked three hairs at once, having fro been dubious of the commodore's patience

But the labours of this assiduous kinswoman did not end with the achievement of this adventure: her eloquence or industry was e in the perforenious craft of her sister-in-laho at another time conceived an insuppressible affection for a fricassee of frogs, which should be the genuine natives of France; so that there was a necessity for despatching a dority of any common servant, Mrs Grizzle undertook that province, and actually set sail in a cutter for Boulogne, froht-and-forty hours with a tub full of those live ani to art, her sister did not taste the was past: but then her inclinations took a different turn, and fixed the to a lady of quality in the neighbourhood, which was reported to be a great curiosity: this was no other than a porcelain chamber-pot of admirable workmanshi+p, contrived by the honourable owner, who kept it for her own private use, and cherished it as a utensil of inestimable value

Mrs Grizzle shuddered at the first hint, she received of her sister's desire to possess this piece of furniture; because she kneas not to be purchased; and the lady's character, which was none of the most amiable in point of hu it for a season: she therefore attempted to reason down this capricious appetite, as an extravagance of iht to be combated and repressed; and Mrs Pickle, to all appearance was convinced and satisfied by her arguments and advice; but, nevertheless, could make use of no other convenience, and was threatened with a very dangerous suppression Roused at the peril in which she supposed her to be, Mrs Grizzle flew to the lady's house, and, having obtained a private audience, disclosed the melancholy situation of her sister, and implored the benevolence of her ladyshi+p, who, contrary to expectation, received her very graciously, and consented to indulge Mrs Pickle's longing Mr

Pickle began to be out of humour at the expense to which he was exposed by the caprice of his wife, as herself alarmed at this last accident, and for the future kept her fancy within bounds; inso subject to any -wished fruits of her dearest expectation in the birth of a fine boy, whoht into the world

I shall os, which were infinite on this important occasion, and only observe that Mrs Pickle's mother and aunt stood Godmothers, and the commodore assisted at the ceremony as Godfather to the child, as christened by the narine, in compliment to the memory of a deceased uncle While theher own authority, Mrs Grizzle took charge of the infant baby double claiilance, the nurse and midwife in all the particulars of their respective offices, which were performed by her express direction

But no sooner was Mrs Pickle in a condition to reassuht proper to alter certain regulations concerning the child, which had obtained in consequence of her sister's orders, directing, aes hich the infant had been so neatly rolled up, like an Egyptian mummy, should be loosened and laid aside, in order to rid nature of all restraint, and give the blood free scope to circulate; and, with her own hands she plunged hi into a tub full of cold water This operation seemed so barbarous to the tender-hearted Mrs Grizzle, that she not only opposed it with all her eloquence, shedding abundance of tears over the sacrifice when it was made; and took horse immediately, and departed for the habitation of an eminent country physician, whom she consulted in these words: ”Pray, doctor, is it not both dangerous and cruel to be theit in water as cold as ice?”--”Yes,” replied the doctor, ”downrightand sagacity,” said the other; ”and I nify your opinion in your own handwriting” The doctor immediately complied with her request, and expressed himself upon a slip of paper to this purpose:--

”These are to certify whom it may concern, that I firmly believe, and it is my unalterable opinion, that who soever letteth an infant perish, by sousing it in cold water, even though the said water should not be so cold as ice, is in effect guilty of the murder of the said infant, as witnessobtained this certificate, for which the physician was handso, with such authority, to overthrow all opposition Accordingly, next o his diurnal baptism, she produced the commission, whereby she conceived herself es, but she was disappointed in her expectation, confident as it was; not that Mrs Pickle pretended to differ in opinion from Dr

Colocynth, ”for whose character and sentiments,” said she, ”I have such veneration, that I shall carefully observe the caution iis murder; an asseveration, the truth of which, it is to be hoped, I shall never dispute”

Mrs Grizzle, who, sooth to say, had rather too superficially considered the clause by which she thought herself authorized, perused the paper with more accuracy, and was confounded at her oant of penetration

Yet, though she was confuted, she was by no means convinced that her objections to the cold bath were unreasonable; on the contrary, after having bestowed sundry opprobrious epithets on the physician, for his want of knowledge and candour, she protested in the most earnest and sole the child--a piece of cruelty which, with God's assistance, she should never suffer to be inflicted on her own issue; and washi+ng her hands of the melancholy consequence that would certainly ensue, shut herself up in her closet to indulge her sorrow and vexation She was deceived, however, in her prognostic The boy, instead of declining in point of health, seee, as if he had been resolved to discredit the wisdoht of his aunt, who in all probability could never forgive him for this want of reverence and respect This conjecture is founded upon her behaviour to hi which she was known to torture hi pins into his flesh, without any danger of being detected In short, her affections were in a little tiether alienated from this hope of her family, whom she abandoned to the conduct of his e the nurture of her own child; while she herself resumed her operations upon the commodore, whom she was resoled at any rate to captivate and enslave And it e of the human heart never shone so conspicuous as in the methods she pursued for the accoh unpolished hulk that cased the soul of Trunnion, she could easily distinguish a large share of that vanity and self-conceit that generally predoe beast; and to this she constantly appealed In his presence she always exclaiainst the craft and dishonest dissi particular invectives against those arts of chicanery in which the lawyers are so conversant, to the prejudice and ruin of their fellow-creatures; observing that in a seafaring life, as far as she had opportunities of judging or being infor but friendshi+p, sincerity, and a hearty conte that was mean or selfish

This kind of conversation, with the assistance of certain particular civilities, insensibly made an impression on the mind of the commodore, and the more effectual as his former prepossessions were built upon very slender foundations His antipathy to old radually to diminish when he found they were not quite such infernal ani before he was heard to observe, at the club, that Pickle's sister had not so ative compliment, by the medium of her brother, soon reached the ears of Mrs Grizzle, who, thus encouraged, redoubled in her arts and attention; so that, in less than three uished her with the epithet of a d--d sensible jade

Hatchway, taking the alar fatal to his interest, told his co him to under her stern; and he did not doubt but that such an old crazy vessel would be the better for being taken in tow ”But howsomever,” added this arch adviser, ”I'd have you take care of your upper-works; for if once you are ad! She'll spank it away, and ”

Our she-projector's whole plan had like to have been ruined by the effect which this e and suspicion being wakened at once, his colour changed fro to a deep and dusky red, such as we sometimes observe in the sky when it is replete with thunder, he, after his usual prea oaths, answered in these words:--”D-- you, you jury-legg'd dog, you would give all the stowage in your hold to be as sound as I a taken in tow, d'ye see, I'm not so disabled that I can lie ad! noastern, in the wake of e'er a b-- in Christendoated her brother with regard to the subject of his night's conversation with his friends, soon received the unwelcome news of the coreatest part of his disgust to the satirical insinuations of Mr Hatchway, resolved to level this obstruction to her success, and actually found means to interest him in her scheme She had indeed, on so probably not unacquainted with that grand systees of the age, and fraught with maxims much more effectual than all the eloquence of Tully or Demosthenes, even when supported by the demonstrations of truth; besides, Mr Hatchway's fidelity to his new ally was confire, an infinite fund of gratification for his own cynical disposition Thus, therefore, converted and properly cautioned, he for the future suppressed all the virulence of his wit against the matrimonial state; and as he knew not how to open his mouth in the positive praise of any person whatever, took all opportunities of excepting Mrs Grizzle, by name, from the censures he liberally bestowed upon the rest of her sex ”She is not a drunkard, like Nan Castick, of Deptford,” he would say; ”not a ninco Simper, of Woolwich; not a brimstone, like Kate Koddle, of Chatham; nor a shrew, like Nell Griffin, on the Point, Portsmouth” (ladies to whom, at different tiood-humoured, sensible wench, who knows very well how to box her coood cargo under her hatches” The coined this coain, was filled with astonishe in the lieutenant's behaviour; and, after a long fit of , concluded that Hatchway hin on the person of Mrs Grizzle