Chapter 126 - Hesitant (1/2)

Lei Xing opened her eyes the next day and immediately sighed. After laying there for a while, she took a deep breath then sat up, ready to face whatever trouble was looming and then froze in shock when she saw the Emperor sleeping at the edge of the bed.

Lei Xing blinked and just sat there staring at him for a long while, confused.

{...What is he doing here?...}

Lei Xing was completely baffled. He had obviously stormed out of here angry last night, but then he came back? She knit her brows and did not know what to think, but just because he was here did not mean she was safe.

She quietly went to climb over him to leave, but just as she was about to begin maneuvring over him, he suddenly spoke, ”Are you planning to run somewhere to hide?”

Lei Xing jumped and then immediately moved back. The Emperor slightly opened his eyes and looked at her. Lei Xing blinked at him and then looked away, feeling nervous and apprehensive. She had been getting too cozy with him and it was not good. It had made her confused and she had forgotten who he was and where she was.

As the Emperor sat up, Lei Xing quickly thought of an explanation and said, ”Princess Nalan requested me to come over today so I did not want to keep her waiting and make her upset...” She then added, ”I didn't want to disturb you...”

The Emperor quietly looked at her for a while, and Lei Xing was becoming increasingly awkward and worried with the eerie silence. In the end, he simply said, ”You can go.”

Lei Xing blinked then glanced at him.

{...So no punishment? Is it because this is ”official” business?... Whatever, moving on...]

She quickly hopped over his legs and rushed out of the room. The Emperor watched as she scurried off and sighed. It was true that he left here last night feeling angry and frustrated.

He treated her better than he had ever treated anyone in his life yet she rejected him like that, it was an upsetting situation. But after meditating on it for a long while in a cold bath, he thought it over after calming down and concluded that him being this angry over something like this was irrational. Anger was also not an emotion he was familiar with. He had felt disappointment and irritation many times, but rarely ever anger.

There was only one instance that actually came to mind and that anger stemmed from his feeling of helplessness, and even then it did not feel this potent. And that situation was definitely more important than a woman's rejection. A woman's affection was never something that he thought relevant or important to him.

He had also never thought of himself as a jealous or insecure man, who would get upset at every little thing. She was obviously not the only beautiful woman he had come across and liking her was definitely not reason enough to lose his rationality.

Although no woman had ever kept his arm's length like this and he had never had to pursue a woman like this, nor was he ever interested in pursuing anyone before this. But she was not the first woman he had come to like and even when he has blatantly backstabbed, all he felt was a passing disappointment and nothing more. So it made no sense for him to be this angry over something like this, yet he was.

When it came to Lei Xing, everything seemed different, he was different. He paid attention to the smallest things and seemed to feel upset over small things that had no relevance and it seemed to be getting worse.  He obviously knew she was not afraid of him from her normal behavior around him. They talked together and although rare, she sometimes genuinely laughed...and he loved seeing her laugh. He sighed again.

He had come to understand her character quite a bit, if she did not care for someone she would just not bother with them, just like the way she treated him at first. But now she would even start conversations, ask questions and even make jokes, even if some of them irritated him. He had rushed things and scared her, but he could not help how he felt, he wanted her.

When he got out, he thoughtlessly walked back to her room, then frowned and thought that some space would be good for both of them. So he sent the servants to get his memorials and went to immerse himself in work in her study until the early morning, when it was already bright outside. He did not have court today so he returned to the room, completely drained and immediately fell asleep.

He liked her but he was starting to feel somewhat fearful of it. It seemed he was losing himself and he did not like the feeling of it. He really did not know what to do about her. The last thing he wanted them to become were his parents. If that was his path then he would rather live alone all his life.

He felt some distance was necessary, yet he still returned here.

***

Lei Xing quickly finished her bath, got dressed then hesitantly went back to the room to finish up. She glanced at the Emperor who was now sitting on a chair, brooding. When she was done, she quickly turned to leave with Xiao Ruo, not wanting to evoke any trouble by disturbing him.

But before she could get to the door, the Emperor suddenly spoke, ”Come sit here.”

Lei Xing let out a breath then begrudgingly complied and went to sit down, with her head hanging waiting for the hammer to fall.

{...I knew it was too good to be true...He must have stayed here to ensure I couldn't run away...}

The Emperor looked at her for a long while and then got up and said, ”No one is pursuing you, so eat before you leave.” Then he walked out of the room. Lei Xing watched his back with knit eyebrows.