1 Chapter 1: Born a Princess 1 (1/2)
A week had passed since our gas bills was shut off… and today, our electricity suffered the same fate.
My toes were frozen. Gone was the feeling of warmth.
The weather reports said the temperature would go down as low as 12 degrees fahrenheit. It was true. I could see smoke from my breath while sitting inside the comfort of my home.
My fruitless efforts turning on the gaslight several times bore no fruits and I'd given up, proceeding to cover myself with layers of clothing instead. And it was midnight. I had no place to go should I choose to leave for the night, therefore, I did my best. I sat tightly, body curled up into a ball.
The blanket over me barely provided any semblance of warmth as I held onto my phone that had a bit of battery left.
In this suffocating and small home, the only faint light of hope came from my phone.
”…..So cold…”
The heat from my phone was the last best source I had left. If it shuts off as well, then I'd need to survive this long night with only my body and warmth.
Absentmindedly, I opened the KakaoTalk app and saw many messages I've yet to read.
'Gyeo Ul-Ah, what are you up to these days? We're going to a ski resort. Do you want to come as well?'
'What have you been up to? You haven't replied. Are you dead?'
'Gyeo Ul-Ah… Gyeo Ul-Ah…'
'Hey! Yun Gyeo Ul-Ah..!!'
After mindlessly staring at the message for a while, I turned off the screen.
'Sigh…'
A sigh escaped my lips unconsciously. I was thankful, thankful for the friends who cared for me, but I live a different life from them. I had no freedom. I had no money. To go to the ski resort my friend offered would mean that I'd have to starve for a month. And because of my stubborn pride, I could not, would not tell them of my current situation. I would never tell.
'Sorry, I'm busy… let's play together next time.'
I'd keep making excuses… one after another…
On top of my extremely impoverished and destitute environment, I had a father with previous criminal records. It was better to keep my distance from them. I'd only trouble them…
'I don't blame you, mother.'
If I had a husband like my father, I too would leave as soon as possible. Though I would not dare to leave my child behind… like mother did. Mother taught me too much of a burden to be with me. And so she left. Alone.
Since then, I've spent most of my childhood under the shadow of my father. Once I came to adulthood, I tried to run away. I did. But somehow, he always found me, proceeding to violate me for as long as he wished.
Abuse was in his blood, in his authority. Father stole all the money I worked hard to save up for university. Now that dream became a broken piece and something far out of reach. Currently, I jump from job to job, all part-time, to earn for my… our living expenses. On top of a massive debt piling one after another, father kept getting trouble with the authorities for multitudes of crimes. I'd receive mails notifying of his presence inside the jail. He probably would not be able to come home even if he wished to.
'I wouldn't be in these troubling times if I hadn't gone to the ER back then…'
I let out another sigh.
Two months ago, I had no choice but to be sent to the ER. The bill was unexpectedly high and I was unable to pay off the gas and electricity bill that was long overdue. Even working daily was not enough. I could barely afford to pay off rent and living expenses.
A melancholic smile appeared on my lips. I wrapped the blanket tighter on my body, then suddenly…