14 Chapter 14 (2/2)
”So, what is wrong?” He asks. I shake my head. ”Nothing. I just needed sometime.” ”And I still need more.” I add in my head. ”No, there is more to it. Come on Jaycie, you can trust me.” I yank my hand away from him and keep walking. ”Yeah, I know.” I say, thinking about when I was trying to leave and how hard he tried to stop me. He grabbed my hand again, only this time he also wrapped an arm around my waist to keep me from pulling back again.
”Jaycie, it is okay to open up.” I shook my head harder and tried to pull away with no luck. ”Just leave it be Garret. You don't know what is okay and not. Just stop pushing me.” ”I am not pushing Jaycie. I am chasing. You keep pulling away from me. You keep pushing me away. I don't want to lose you.” I feel tears in my eyes. ”Garret, please just stop.” ”Why?” He asks. ”I want to help you. I want to do what's best for you.” That last comment makes my burst into tears. Something I would never do, much less in the middle of the guild. ”You want what is best for me? Then why don't you do what I ask? Can't you just trust I know what I need?”
He looks shocked. ”Jaycie, I didn't mean to make you cry. Heck, I didn't even know you could cry.” I glare at him. ”Just because I don't show my feelings often doesn't mean I don't have them. I can only take so much. I can only give out so much before I start to fall apart.” He is speechless. ”Jaycie...” ”No, just back off. All I need is for you to be my back up. Other than that, we just happen to work in the same building.” I turn towards Wilker's door and I see it come open right as Garret grabs my hand again. ”Jaycie. You don't mean that. I know you don't.” I yank my hand away again in back up. ”You say you know me and what I need, but you don't. Stop trying to control everything. Stop trying to control what I mean, do, and what I feel. Just stop coming into my life.”
As soon as the words come out of my mouth, I feel like someone hit me in the gut. With tears still stinging my eyes, I rush into Wilker's office, pushing past Wilker. He is staring at me in shock, then he looks at Garret suspiciously. Garret is just standing in the hall, watching me. As I enter the office, I rush into the bathroom. I need to collect myself. I needed to stop whatever was happening before I ruined Garret and I completely if I hadn't already. I shut the door and slide down it pulling my knees to my chest and resting my forehead on them. I take several deep breaths. I calm myself. I needed to get my calm collective self back.
I took several minutes, but I hear footsteps coming towards the door. Before they withing knocking distance, I hear Wilker say, ”Garret, sit. Let her cool off.” ”But sir, she needs someone with her. To help her.” Garret answers. Wilker is quiet for only a moment. His words are quieter this time, and I can barley hear him, but I still do. ”She doesn't need anything from anyone. She can handle everything on her own. Trust me, I know. If she want's help she will come to you. Or maybe to someone else. If you keep trying to help her, she will never come to you. I may just seem to be heartless, not trying to help her, but I am helping her more by stepping back then you are by stepping forward.”
Garret takes another step closer to the door. ”I have to at least see if she meant what she said about getting out of her life.” ”Garret.” Wilker says again. ”Yes?” He answers. ”The second you knock on that door, is the second she will never trust you the same way again. Weather she trusts you more, or more likely, less after you knock, it will never be the same. Trust me. I have been exactly were you are. I just happen to get lucky with her trust.”
I feel more tears in my eyes. Wilker was right. He was lucky when he had tried to figure out what wa wrong. I had ended up trusting him more then ever, but I could feel it deep in my bones. I needed Garret to back off, I needed him to trust me and to not try and push me. I needed to be able to trust him. But if he kept pushing me, I knew whatever was between us would break. Maybe even for good.
I hear Garret take one more step towards the door and I suck in a breath. I silently beg for him to back off. To listen to Wilker. ”Garret. Trust me. If you don't want to lose her, let her go.” Wilker said. I heard Garret's feet retreat. I let the breath out and it came out shaky. I stood up, and pace in the bathroom for a few minutes. After collecting myself, I walk out of the bathroom and go sit in my chair. I don't look at Garret, and but I can feel his eyes on me. ”Wilker.” I say. ”I have an idea.”
Wilker tilts his head slightly and says, ”What?” So, I start telling him my plan, and I know that even though I an not talking directly to Garret, Garret is still listening to my very word. ”It starts with us going back to the sand plains. I would die my hair a different color first, and get eye color, so they didn't know it was me, but we will go back and kill Xalem. And his wife. They are having guests over next week, if I remember. I can go in as a 'new pink' and get close. Garret will be a guard. We can go under new names. They will be busy with making sure these princes are well taken care of, that they won't notice us. I have everything planned out; I just need your approval.”
Garret is the first to speak. ”No. It is to dangerous. If they catch you, they might kill you.” I take a deep breath and keep talking to Wilker. ”I will be fine. I was with them for two months. What are a few more days? You give us a week, and then come get us in the carriage.”
Garret speaks again. ”Jaycie, it is to dangerous. You need-” I turn to him and cut him off. ”What I need is to be able to make my own decisions. What I need is to be able to know that Xalem can't treat anyone else like he treated me. What I need is to figure everything out. What you want is for me to play it safe. What you want is to try and keep my locked in the guild. What you want...well it doesn't really matter. I choses you for this mission because I assumed you would help me, but I can find someone else if I need.” I purposely enunciate the 'I need' and 'you want' so he can hear the difference.
I turned my back to him and looked back at Wilker. ”If I make you a mission report, can we go?” Wilker thought. ”Make the report, I will look over it. We will talk then.” ”Okay. I will be in the other study.” I walk out leaving Garret there, and as much as it hurt, I had to stop him from telling me what I needed. I heard Wilker start talking to him, but I didn't stay long enough to hear what they spoke about. I quickly work my way into the far study and pull out a blank mission report.
I start to fill in the aliases. I would go under the name Kiya Farsaye. Whoever went with me would go under the name Avi Greyson. I would dye my hair brown with hair dye that would eventually wash out. Then make my eyes a purple color, just because I always wanted to use that color. Since they didn't really see Garret, he was fine. Pretty much any assassin would work other than Zachery. I put in all the information that it required. After about two hours, I heard a light knock on the door. ”Not here.” I yell.
I smile because that is something I would usually say. Zachery walked in. ”Okay, then I won't come in, and I am not going to talk to you. Deal?” I smile and nod. I sit back in my chair and he sits in front of the desk. ”How are you doing? I haven't asked. You asked me as soon as you woke up, and I didn't even bother to see if you were okay.” I nod and lift my shirt high enough to show him my back, were the sword hit me. It left a white line. It had gone far enough into scar. Zachery showed me where the sword struck through him. ”Looks like we have matching scars.” I laughed. ”Yeah. Now every time you see it you can remember how you got all sentimental and just had to save my life.” I scoffed playfully. ”No, I just happened to fall out of the carriage and knew if I only saved myself, Garret would have thrown me to them.
I roll my eyes. ”And what about when you killed that Guard with a dagger?” He thought for a second, looking for an excuse. ”You mean that crappy throw, It was on accident. I just slipped and the knife went flying. Don't flatter yourself. You are barely worth saving.” I let my head fall back. ”You will never change no matter how many times I save you will you?” He laughs walking around the desk and sitting on the corner, looking down at my filled in report. ”Nope. I will always be a pain in your-” I push him off the desk before he finishes the sentence. ”Off the desk.” He smirks at me and stands up, leaning against it this time.
”Well, sometimes you need someone annoying so you can remember what peace feels like.” He smiles. ”Yep.” I just stared at him. This felt like a truce of sorts. We were still going fight, and argue, he was still going to make fun of me, but when it really mattered, I could trust him. As if he read my thoughts, he nodded. We were at an understanding. I didn't realize how this would look to someone walking in until I saw Garret staring at us from the doorway. He looked hurt. As if I had betrayed him. Zachery looked back and saw him ”Well, I am going to go.” He walked out the door, and I saw Garret growl at him. Zachery smirked and just walked by.
Garret walked all the way in and just sat in the chair in front of the desk. ”I am going on this mission.” He said. I could see in his eyes he wanted to say something else. He wanted to ask me if I was okay, but he didn't. ”Good.” I answer. I walk to the door with my file, but before I walk out, I say something to Garret over my shoulder. ”Please, don't come to my apartment tonight. I am trying to figure things out. I will see you tomorrow. If you do somehow know what I need, you will know I need space.” ”Okay.” He answered simply. My next two words were barely a whisper. ”Thank you.”
Then I walked to Wilker's office. I set the file on his desk and looked him in the eye. ”I will be back tomorrow to see if we can leave. I will be back, and ready. I am taking the rest of today off.” With that, I left. I just went to my apartment to think things over. To think everything over. And to figure out what I was going to do next. Figure out my next steps, sort out my life.