Chapter 17 - His Resolve (1/2)

The hands that held the horse’s reins trembled.

“……tsk.”

Sitting in the driver’s seat of the carriage, Tedla gripped his hands that wouldn’t stop trembling together in an attempt to suppress the shivers.

If he relaxed, his entire body would shake, he’d be tortured by self-loathing and feelings of guilt, and he’d remember that unpleasant sensation that had been transmitted to him through his hands.

The face of that young boy as he laughed maniacally clung to his eyelids persistently.

A voice called out to Tedla as he shook his head as if to shake off his thoughts.

“Is this your first time killing a person, second son?”

“Kuroitsu-sama……”

Sitting on the back of one of the horses pulling the carriage was Kuroitsu in his black cat form, gazing at Tedla with his golden eyes.

“……I did not become a knight in order to hurt people.”

“Fufu. You are saying that you became one in order to protect people, correct?”

“Yes.”

“However, it does not work that way in reality. You did not understand that in order to protect someone, you must cut down others’ ‘precious people’.”

The cruel reality that had just been thrust onto his face was that it was impossible to protect something without hurting anyone else.

She (Syltina) cut down the people “others wanted to protect” for the sake of those “she wanted to protect”.

“You did not understand that protecting people and hurting people are similar actions.”

Kuroitsu’s words stabbed deeply into Tedla.

“As such, you were weak.”

“……”

“What are your thoughts on the first person you’ve killed?”

“My…tho…ughts?”

Though Tedla was about to say that he wouldn’t have something like that, he bit back those words.

The golden eyes narrowed, as if to peer deeper into his heart.

“Never again, do I-”

After a moment, Tedla opened his mouth.

“I thought that I never want to do it again.”

“……”

“Like I said earlier, I did not become a knight in order to hurt others. I became a knight in order to protect my important people.”

Though he had been born as a noble, the heavy “duty” of one had never fallen upon him.

His superior elder brother would succeed his parents in heading the family. His kind elder sister would handle their connections with other nobles. In order to allow him, the youngest child, to freely do whatever he wanted, his two older siblings took over all of the “duties” of nobles of their own accord.

That was why he thought to become a knight.

“I thought that I wanted to protect my prided elder brother. I thought I wanted to protect my loving elder sister. I thought I wanted to protect my great father. I thought I wanted to protect my stubborn mother. I thought I wanted to protect the populace that they treasured, the king, the queen, the prince, and my friends.”

His motive was but a simple thing.

He just wanted to protect his precious family. And he wanted to protect those that his family thought of as precious as well.

“However, 2 years ago, I, to someone that I thought I wanted to protect……I was unable to protect my elder sister.”

On the contrary, he himself had hurt, betrayed, and abandoned her.

“Even if I regretted it, it was too late; even if I knew the truth, I was powerless; and even if I apologized, it wouldn’t reach her…………I could not do anything for her……”

He had regretted it all this time.