Chapter 51: Ziyus Efforts Slightly Paid off (1/2)

Translator: Claire.KK

Ziyu Ai was genuinely good to Zhishu He, no worse than the younger Wenxu Jiang. His love for Zhishu was straightforward.

He bought Zhishu sparklers. He designed a cat tree for Zhishu’s cat and chose materials himself to make it. He even cleared some space in his yard and built a garden for Zhishu to grow flowers.

Ziyu's efforts were slightly paid off. He had managed to claim another half of Zhishu's bed. Though he had to bring his own bedding and quite a big gap was kept between them.

Ziyu opened the bedroom door quietly. Small, heartwarming, orange light was illuminating the room. He walked to Zhishu while Zhishu was reading a book leaning on the headboard.

”What are you reading?” Ziyu reclined in the bed, slightly turned his head towards Zhishu.

Zhishu smiled, showed the page to him, ”Six Chapters of a Floating Life, written by Fu Shen.”

Ziyu moved closer to Zhishu and leaned his head on Zhishu's shoulder, speaking in an abstractedly low voice, ”I had a nightmare last night.”

”I wonder why I was wakened up by you last night. You were crying even in your sleep.” Zhishu He didn't push Ziyu Ai away.

Ziyu froze for a little moment. ”I am useless, aren’t I?” He didn't want Zhishu to know that in his dream, Zhishu was leaving him bit by bit until this man was totally out of reach, eventually turned into a cloud in the sky.

Zhishu closed the book and tried to cheer him up, ”Dreams are opposite to the real life.”

”Zhishu, I have contacted with my old classmate in Shanghai. We go there and have your cancer treated, okay?” Ziyu tried to persuade Zhishu.

To Zhishu, it seemed to be such an abrupt turn of their conversation. He had no idea that all Ziyu did was just a setup.

Zhishu's tone cooled down. ”No. I don’t want to.”

Ziyu suddenly raised his head and looked into Zhishu's eyes. ”Don't give your own body a hard time!” He said.

”You are a doctor. Don't you know if it is treatable?” Zhishu avoided the eye contact with Ziyu by slightly turning his head away.

”You never know…we can try.” Ziyu mumbled as a burst of heartache struck him.

Zhishu He reached out his hand; his fingertip gently stroked on Ziyu Ai's cheek from top to bottom. ”If you do care about me, stop pushing me. Chemotherapy hurts. Medicine is corrosive. The pain will start from blood vessels. And it has lots of side-effects. Bone marrow aspiration is painful; so does hemodialysis. Do you honestly want me to live the last days of my life in misery? To see the hospital turn me into a freak before I die?” His eyes were so gentle when he said that.

Ziyu Ai was aware of everything he said, but it felt much heavier to hear the one he cared the most speak out the truth word by word. As if his words had cut him into pieces, Ziyu was in great agony; his heart was bleeding. However, his emotional suffering was nothing compared to what Zhishu was going through. You wouldn't know how painful the needle tip could be if it wasn't on you.

”If we do nothing, you will suffer anyway.” Ziyu shook his head with teeth gnashed, trying to hold his tears in.

”I didn't suffer when you and I climbed the mountain, when I walked my dog by the West Lake, and when the kitten snored in my arms.” Zhishu gave Ziyu a little hug. ”Spoil me for the last time.”

”I can't...” Ziyu was crushed; he couldn't even speak out of sorrow.

”Must you force me to go to the hospital? To do chemotherapy? To take the medicine? To see me covered with tubes and eventually die in pain?” These words didn't sound like what the usual Zhishu would say as they hurt.