Chapter 82: Extra: Ziyu Ai (2/2)

Ziyu Ai held Zhishu He in his arms. They sat together on the soft rug. He stroked his hair and face gently. ”You will see blossoms after New Year. Just wait a bit, alright?”

Zhishu He slowly fell asleep in his arms. He didn't look painful but he kept the frown between his eyebrows. Ziyu Ai eased his frown and said mildly, helplessly. ”You said you wanted a view but here you sleep as you like.”

Ziyu Ai kept holding him until afternoon. Zhishu He didn't fall asleep; he was in a coma. The room was so quiet that only the sound of Ziyu Ai's heartbeats could be heard. He tested Zhishu He's breath again and again. By dusk, Ziyu Ai suddenly saw Zhishu He open his lips. Ziyu leaned over to listen to his muttering, ”The school is over... Let's go home... together...” He watched Zhishu He as an explicit gentle smile appeared on his face. Ziyu Ai held him tight, he didn't let him go for the whole night.

Could you imagine what it would feel like? The one you cared the most, you loved the most, you wanted to spend your entire life with, loses his breaths and heat little by little in your arms... That was the most desperate and painful feeling; that was the heaviest punishment one could have. The most unacceptable thing was the one he loved didn't have him in his last memory.

Zhishu He's ashes were spilled into Lake Baikal. It was a beautiful place, where the water was quiet and still.

One would tend to hold their feelings inside after taking a huge emotional shock. From Zhishu He's death to the return from Russia, Ziyu Ai seemed to keep drowning in indifference. He even thought, ”It's okay for someone to live without another. Look at me. I'm over it, ain’t I?”

About Wenxu Jiang, he just vented his anger on him. He felt like he just wanted to insulate Jiang from everything that was related to Zhishu He. But when he re-entered their house, when he saw two pairs of slippers and tooth sets, the sheets well folded on the bed, the clothes he brought for Zhishu He in the wardrobe... His heart started to hurt, starting from the continuous small tingling to suffocating agony that would drive people mad.

After Zhishu He was gone, everything in this house meant nothing.

Ziyu Ai burst into tears abruptly. He didn't look like a man in his 30s, his sadness was as pure and real as a 5-year-old boy would have.

And then Ziyu Ai went back to Beijing. There were two more things lived in his wallet ever since. A bank card with 150,000 yuan and a blurred picture of a man.

Ziqian Ai later had boy-girl twins. Ziyu Ai went to visit them. His brother showed a chubby boy in his arms to Ziyu Ai and said, ”Isn't he look like you when you were little?” Ziyu Ai smiled, ”I don't know how I looked like when I was little.”

Ziyu Ai was here to say goodbye to his brother. He had already had his Russia work visa, and he was going to stay there.

Ziqian Ai sighed, ”Aren't you troublesome? That man, still?”

Ziyu Ai nodded and then shook his head. ”I will take care of myself.”

Ziqian Ai could never change his little brother's mind; he just wanted him to have a good life.

”Do come home for me and Dad more often, and your nephews,” Ziqian Ai sighed, ”Take care of yourself out there... If you meet someone, just give them a go.”

Ziyu Ai didn't say no, but only smiled.

Ziyu Ai took a dog and four cats and a piece of memory there to start over. He no longer held a grudge against Wenxu Jiang. That message he sent was hurtful enough.

Ziyu Ai was too tired, he just wanted to cure himself quietly and slowly. He never had the strong feeling towards Zhishu He like Wenxu Jiang; he wasn't that desperate to torture himself because he did nothing wrong, so he wasn't guilty or regretful. Sometimes, guilt and regret overrode love.

He could live. It was just... he wouldn't fall in love with someone else again.