13 Memory Lane (1/2)

I was annoyed at her, pissed at myself and enraged with the situation.

”Stupid girl making me worry...” I whispered as the painful memory of so many years ago started coming back to me, still as vivid as it all happened yesterday.

I was still a young man, oblivious to the way of the world and self-centered to a fault. As the only son of a rich household, I was always surrounded by people fanning over my every word, my mother, however, was always strict with me and tried to teach me how to value what I have. But when all my friends started going to clubs and getting drunk day after day, I swiftly followed their example, ignoring the words of my mother.

Even to this day I regret not spending more time with her and being such an ungrateful son.

In one of the cold winter days of that year, I was greeted home by my aunt who took me directly to the hospital. I had noticed that I had missing calls but as I always did, I ignored them when fooling around with my friends. I was soon lead to a white room where my mother was laying in a cold steel bed, having numerous tubes come out of her, struggling to breathe.

I could hear her faint breathing hitching in her chest and I would have done anything for me to be there instead of her. I felt like my whole world just turned upside down and that it will never be the same.

After the initial shock, I found out that her cold together with asthma she had since young took a bad turn and she was brought over that evening.

Soon after she was hospitalized, her body couldn't take it anymore and yielded as she was transferred over to life support. It took a whole year for my father to decide to pull her off it, and I always felt he blamed me for not being there when she collapsed.

He was away for business and it was my duty to take care of the house, I knew that, but the temptation of just going against all the expectations people had for me was just too much for the young me.

Over time, my mother's body worsened under my eyes, her once rosy cheeks were now livid and losing color more each day, her eyes sunken in and her hands had become bony and cold. It broke my heart to see her like this but I still spent a big part of my time talking to her in the hopes that she will wake up.

The day her life support was interrupted was exactly one year after the incident, the cold air outside was quietly sipping into my heart as I heard the hums of the machine turn off and the rhythmic sound of her heartbeat steadied into nothingness. It was by far the worst day of my life and it will forever remain as such.

It took me a while to get a grip on my emotions and to finally get into my car and drive home. Right now I felt the need to be near Melanie, she has always been a strong support in my life, someone I could count on no matter what. All the suspicions I had before about her now seemed immature and pointless, I only knew she was there for me for over 10 years now and I should be grateful for that.

As I pulled into the garage I noticed that all the windows were shut and the drapes closed, the heavy silence was torture for my mind that was relieving my painful past, but there was no one there to keep me distracted, I was alone.