29 Undecided (1/2)

A strenuous late night could really take a toll on a person.

After I took Kate home I returned to my own house, the one that was now devoid of life, only the past memories of my earlier life accompanied me into the darkness as I sank into the bed.

I fell asleep while looking at the empty side of my be and trying to make up my mind about what will come next.

Thinking back, I could not remember the last time I and my wife had made love, but I could remember in detail the way Kate felt when she let herself go soft in my arms, surrendering to our needs, even if it was only for a short while.

I knew I was too concerned about Kate and not enough about Melanie which was not right.

My first priority should always be my wife and Kate… well, she shouldn't have even registered on my radar as a possibility.

However things don't always go as planned and as much as I treasured Melanie and I promised myself that I would never look at another again, I could not stop myself for falling for the young naive girl that reminded me of what it means to be in love once again.

And although I can readily admit that what I feel for Kate is indeed love, a kind of love that had grown by being mixed with a youthful desire to possess her everything, I cannot simply shrug my responsibilities and be done with it.

When Vivian went through her divorce with Rob, I saw what that did to her, and I could not see myself damaging Melanie the same way.

After all, we have so many years together and the affection we have for each other is still there, at least from my part, even if it is not as intense.

I believed the monotony in our lives and the time we have spent apart, has changed us and gis us the impression that our relationship was something that will always be there, no matter what.

However, after the last discussion I had with Melanie, it seems that I was wrong. I know she has made out her mind about what she wants, but I struggle in my indecisiveness. My mind and my heart are at war with each other. On one hand, I have Melanie who I had known for years, we have been through a lot together and have always respected and cared for each other. However, although she is an attractive woman, the spark I once felt when seeing her has faded completely. I am not sure if it is because I have changed, or because we both did, but something has changed in between us over time.

Now with Kate, there is a whole new level of awareness and chemistry when we're together. I know she is attracted to me just as much as I am to her, and we're both aware of this, but we also both know that what we most desire, must not happen. Be it the rules of society or our own personal convictions, they all scream at us at the impropriety of our thoughts. Nevertheless, when I look at her, all the logic seems to slip past me and I find myself inebriated by her closeness, her scent, her way of being, all holding me captive under only one word: Love.

My heart wants to hold on to what I feel for Katelyn, but my mind is warning me I should not. It is not a situation that is fair to me, her or Melanie. That is if I don't even take into account the fact that Kate is my employee and it stands against every rule I have regarding my work policy, but this is just one of the logical arguments that melt when I am near her.