Chapter 57: The Island of Dr. Tyrano (1/2)

Ryan had to give it to Dynamis. The company spoiled its heroes rotten.

Enrique had granted the courier a full penthouse suite, located on the Optimates Tower’s twenty-fifth floor. Ryan slept in an apartment-sized bedroom, with a plasma screen TV and an unbeatable picturesque window view of the city. The suite was fully stocked with amenities and tastefully decorated, with no inch of ground left without a carpet; each piece of furniture had been carefully selected to create an atmosphere of opulent relaxation. The bathroom included a private pool with a Jacuzzi included, and even a bar.

The suite itself was only part of the package though. Ryan had a dedicated staff available at all times to fulfill all his whims, from the mundane to the truly bizarre. The courier had tested the waters and learned almost nothing was off-the-table for him, from drugs to prostitutes; so long as none of his excesses made their way to the media anyway. And the cherry on top of the cake, the walls and windows were soundproof.

Of course, the suite was filled with cameras spying on him, but Ryan hacked them five minutes after taking over.

On the morning of May 11th, the courier finished dressing in his new costume, when he heard someone ring the bell. “Somebody call security, the poor are at the gates!” he declared through the intercom, though a camera system showed him Wardrobe and Atom Cat waiting on the other side. “I can’t stand the stench of the middle-class!”

“Does Your Majesty want cake for his morning breakfast?” For once Felix didn’t wear his face-mask, revealing his true face to the world… and quite the handsome one too! He looked like a masculine version of his gorgeous sister.

“Hi, Ryan!” Wardrobe said, much more politely. “Can we get in? We have a tight schedule today!”

Ryan lowered himself to let these guests inside his lair, even if Atom Cat looked too much like a nouveau riche for his refined patrician tastes. The splendor of his suite immediately floored his teammates.

“How is it that your place is bigger than mine?” Wardrobe asked, green with envy, as they made their way into the main room. Ryan’s sofa was larger than most king-sized beds, and faced a state of the art home cinema. “I thought only Pro Leaguers could get a penthouse suite?”

“I have special needs,” Ryan replied, trying to sound as foppish and pompous as possible. “I fall ill without three hundred square meters to live in.”

“I have a big one too,” Felix said, his dirty, plebeian mind unimpressed by the luxurious penthouse. “I suppose Enrique wanted to make us feel welcome.”

That, and to bribe them. Ryan hadn’t gotten anything like this suite in his previous Dynamis Run, probably because Enrique didn’t feel the need to placate him. “What did Greenhand say when you gave him the recording?”

“He said ‘thank you’, and sent us on our way,” Felix replied with a scoff.

Disappointing, but not surprising. Blackthorn probably needed more time to make a move against his patriarch.

Unfortunately, Ryan wasn’t certain they had it with Psyshock still at large. On one hand, his demise had caused Adam to throw away all caution in his attempt to unlock the satellite, but Psyshock also provided near-limitless cannon fodder to throw at the bunker’s defenses. Though Ryan and Len warned residents like Paulie to escape the district, the courier had no idea if it would slow down the Meta-Gang’s progress.

Ryan remembered that Vulcan’s disastrous assault on Rust Town happened on May 12th, with Psyshock blasting everyone to kingdom come with Mechron’s mech. It meant that even with Psypsy, the Meta shouldn’t unlock the bunker’s full power before that date, or else they would have used the Bahamut on the invaders. After May 12th though, this loop would enter uncharted territories.

And that was without taking Livia into account.

“Though I saw Wyvern go into his office right after us,” Atom Cat added. “She looked rather pleased too. I wonder why.”

“If you want to hear all the hero gossip, you have found your gal,” Wardrobe said with a wide smile. “Do you know Blackthorn and Wyvern are an on-and-off item?”

“No way!” Ryan said with shocked surprise. “But what about Vulcan?!”

“I thought they had a passionate love-hate relationship going on too, but no! Devilry is into girls though, but Wyvern politely let her down when she made a pass at her.” The stylist looked at the two boys with her big, beautiful eyes. “Are you both…?”

“I’m straight,” Felix said quickly, “and not looking for romance.”

“I’m flexible,” Ryan said with a seductive voice, “and available.”

“I thought you were dating the Underdiver?” Wardrobe looked both curious and slightly disappointed. “The romantic tension is palpable between you.”

“It’s…” The courier looked away. “It’s complicated. I’m looking for something new.”

Truth was, when Ryan woke up this morning, his drowsy mind had wondered why Jasmine wasn’t in the bed.

And then he remembered, and he felt the pain of losing her all over again.

Ryan knew he shouldn’t have grown attached to a woman or lowered his guard, but the damage was done. He didn’t want to forget Jasmine, not after she made him promise not to, but the courier only knew one way to numb the emotional pain. Filling the gaping void with distractions; better to keep running forward than sit alone with his regrets.

“Is that a Batman-Catwoman thing where you fight on two different sides of the law, and you want to be together, but the world conspires to keep you apart? We can work with that, you know!”

“Hey, Kitty!” Ryan abruptly changed the subject and asked his second-favorite cat. “Something has been bothering me for a while. Did anybody ask you how Lightning Butt’s invulnerability works?”

“You can’t evade me forever, Ryan,” Wardrobe said, determined to learn everything about his romantic life.

Felix snorted at Mob Zeus’ nickname, though it put him in a bad mood. “Enrique already beat you to it. No idea, and he murdered everybody who could possibly harm him.”

“Do you have a list of them?” Ryan asked. With the information he had gathered from his previous loops, he could perhaps find the true nature of Mob Zeus’ invulnerability. He wanted peace with Livia, but he had the feeling he might have to confront Lightning Butt at one point in order to achieve his Perfect Run.

“I know a few, but the only person with the full list is Mercury, the organization’s spymaster,” Felix replied.

“I thought that talking skull controlled gambling dens and money laundering?” Ryan asked. “Come to think of it, I wonder why they still launder money when there are no taxes to pay.”

“It’s because Mercury’s division is a submarine,” Atom Cat replied.

“He can breathe underwater better than bugs?”

“That’s not funny Ryan,” Wardrobe said as she sat on the sofa, though she forced herself not to smile at his pitch-black joke.

As it turned out, Shortie’s bubbles were an experimental technology, and not that reliable. Mosquito’s water prison ended up malfunctioning, perhaps due to his peculiar biology, and caused him brain damage from a lack of oxygen.

Then again, what did Ryan expect? Communists could never make good products.

“Don’t know, I never tried to drown him,” Felix mused. “Augustus uses the laundered money to infiltrate European communities that oppose him. Mercury funnels dirty money into ‘legitimate’ businesses that then take over companies, institutions, farms, etc… he even managed to infiltrate some of Dynamis’ contractors from what I heard. Don’t kid yourself, every branch of that organization supports a criminal takeover. Every last one.”

Atom Cat then crossed his arms while Wardrobe put on the TV and checked the news. “And… as I told Enrique, I think there’s something wrong with Augustus.”

“You mean besides the sociopathic narcissism?” Ryan asked, though he shared the same intuition.

“He has been strangely lethargic in the last few years. Beforehand, he used to track down some foes himself, to remind the masses that he’s a tough psychopath you don’t want to mess with, but now he lets Pluto do it for him and hasn’t left his villa in years. Dad told me he seems to forget the world exists for minutes at a time, and he keeps an electrical halo around himself whenever he’s in public. When I asked Livia why, she wouldn’t answer.”

“He’s sick?” Wardrobe asked with a frown.

“I dunno, he’s supposed to be invulnerable.” Felix shrugged. “Maybe it’s just age or depression.”

Ryan didn’t think so. The courier must have annoyed Lightning Butt for four years with his time-stops, but it literally took an orbital laser for the mob boss to get out of his house. The courier had seen the signs on the wall; the sick, sullen face Mob Zeus hid beneath his bright halo, the way his family members were uneasy around him...

Something was wrong with New Rome’s Godfather.

“Hey, look!” Wardrobe interrupted their discussion, a finger pointed at the TV. “They’re talking about us!”

Ryan glanced at the plasma screen, as the news showed a recap of yesterday’s events. The main video showed the Panda proudly bringing the Psychos into custody, Wardrobe answering journalist questions while Atom Cat ignored them, and Enrique congratulating everyone for making New Rome a safer place. Someone had also managed to find a photo of Ryan in his old costume, and Dynanet theories proliferated on him.

Truly, the headlines said it all: “The Menagerie: Il Migliore’s newest golden children!” “New hero team deals a heavy blow to Psychos everywhere! “Who is Quicksave?”

“The Menagerie, seriously?” Atom Cat asked with a heavy sigh. “I should have called myself Atom Smasher.”

“Felix, even marketing wouldn’t let you use such a silly name,” Wardrobe said with a smirk. “I heard rumors they want to pitch us as a team, young and hip. I will be the leader, as the senior Pro Hero, and you’ll be my padawans.”

“Yuki, no!” Ryan protested, horrified. “You know what happens to mentor figures in hero stories? Don’t become my Obi-Wan, please!”

“I know, it seems like a bad idea, but think long-term!” Wardrobe insisted. “I can stage my retirement with a Merlin costume, as you are inspired by my demise to become true heroes! And then, I can make a surprise comeback tour dressed as Jesus!”

Felix clearly didn’t understand her evil scheme, but Ryan thought it made perfect sense. “Anyway,” Atom Cat said. “Time to go. We have to go to the Dynamis HQ next door and meet with Dr. Tyrano.”

“The Elixir expert?” Ryan asked, suddenly curious.

“Yeah, he wants to study our powers.” Felix shrugged again. “The Panda is already there for a thorough checkup.”

“And then afterward, we go to Star Studios,” Wardrobe said with a bright smile. “We’re going to appear in the stinger of Wyvern’s Flight II!”

“Before we go.” Ryan looked at Wardrobe. “Yuki, I have something for you.”

“Oh, a gift?” She smiled at him. “I love gifts! I never have enough of them! What kind of gift?”

“Let me tell you of its backstory first. I was about to go to bed, wearing only my boxers, when I was struck by a surge of inspiration. A wild Dionysian spirit possessed my body, and forced me to put on the bowler hat.”

“You should have kept your scarf,” Wardrobe replied, worried for his mental stability. “I warned you. I warned you!”

“Yes, but it’s alright. Because my muse inspired me to repay the debt I owe you. You, who had made this perfect costume! I had to return the favor!” Ryan moved into his bedroom, and returned with his gift. “The media call us the Menagerie because we have an animal theme going on. Timmy is a panda, Felix is a cat, I have a rabbit plushie. I figured that, even if you can turn into an animal mascot, I had to make something for you. I remembered you had a few scandalous magazines in your office, and it clicked.”

Ryan presented her with his newest creation: a homemade costume for his favorite stylist.

His marvelous creation, inspired by his very own rabbit plushie, included a headband with brown rabbit ears, a red necklace with a yellow ribbon, and a black velvet leotard. Pairs of black tights, high heels, and golden bracelets completed the set.

In short, it was a Playboy Bunny Costume.

Felix blinked repeatedly, and then looked at Yukiko with apprehension. This foolish plebeian probably thought the stylish hero would take offense, for this scandalous, 18+ costume left almost nothing up to the imagination.

“A Puff-Puff costume!” Wardrobe squealed in joy. “How did you know I didn’t have one?”

But she was a woman of culture above all else.

“Wait, Yuki, you like that?” Felix asked Wardrobe, astonished, as she examined the costume with a joyful face.

”I love kinky costumes,” she replied. ”I just never get to wear them.”

“Of course you don't, it’s indecent!”

“But it’s made of velvet!” Yuki’s fingers touched the bunny ears, her eyes widening in rapturous surprise. “And the ears, they’re real fur! Mink? Mink.”

“I always keep mink fur in my car trunk,” Ryan replied proudly. “You never know when you might have a clothing emergency.”

Atom Cat looked at him strangely. “There are still wild minks in Italy?”

“There were,” Ryan whistled ominously, before focusing on his new BFF. “I wanted to make the Dragon Ball costume, but then I remembered you couldn’t use anything copyrighted.”

Wait, did copyright still function if the country where it was registered no longer existed? Yuki’s power made no sense.

“Ryan, you are adorable and I love it,” Wardrobe replied before grabbing the costume. “I’ll put it in my room and try it on tonight.”

“No way Dynamis will let you dress like that in public though,” Felix stated the obvious.

“Wyvern wears a leotard just fine,” the stylist pointed out.

“Yes, but it isn’t a playboy bunny costume, and didn’t you complain that Dynamis markets you as a kid-friendly superhero before?”

Wardrobe instantly deflated. “Oh, yes, that’s right, I forgot about it… it will clash with my current branding.”

“Wait, wait, I know a way to market it,” Ryan said, struck by inspiration. He couldn’t let his new BFF down. “Yuki, you are transitioning from the Little League to the Pro Circuit. You are leaving the innocence of childhood behind, for the grim and gritty reality of crime-fighting.”

“A dark age phase...” Wardrobe muttered to herself. “And then when I become too grim and controversial, I emerge from the darkness with something classy and elegant! Like a bodysuit with a cape!”

Ryan summarized her marketing strategy in one sentence. “A seamless transition from kid’s mascot, to adult icon.”

“You know what, I don’t think I’m comfortable wearing this in public yet, but I will totally wear it in private!” Wardrobe kissed Ryan on the cheek. “Thanks. You really shouldn’t have.”

“Wardrobe, there are beautiful things in this world… and you’re one of them,” Ryan admitted, struggling to hold back tears. “I felt so alone before meeting you. The last bastion of culture in a world gone mad.”

“I felt the same way too,” she replied, with tears in her eyes. “When I joined… When I joined, they asked me to wear synthetic fibers. Synthetic fibers! No respect! No respect!”

“It’s okay, Yuki, it’s okay,” Ryan said while hugging Wardrobe, letting her head rest on his shoulder. “Cry on my cashmere suit. Do you feel the softness? Do you feel better?”

Atom Cat watched the scene without a word, his face blank and his eyes squinting. Ryan felt attacked. “Hey Kitten, stop judging us.”

“Please don’t reproduce,” Felix deadpanned. “New Rome won’t survive three of you.”

In the previous loop, Ryan had long talked with Vulcan about Lab Sixty-Six, the birthplace of knockoff Elixirs. She particularly disliked the Genius behind the operation, the so-called Dr. Tyrano; so when the courier learned they were supposed to meet him, he hoped to get a free tour of the mystery lab.

But as it turned out, Dynamis afforded their head science honcho two floors for his experiments, and the group had an appointment in Lab Sixty-Five.