Chapter 153 (1/2)

Her hand moves under my chin to lift up my head. Her small fingers caress my cheek, then move up to wipe away the tears from my eyes. Her face holds a confused expression, and she watches me carefully, as if she’s studying me.

“I don’t understand you,” she tells me, still swiping her thumb across my tearstained cheeks.

“I don’t either,” I agree, and she frowns.

I stay in this position, kneeling in front of her, begging for her to give me one last chance even though I’ve blown through more chances than I deserve. I register that the bathroom has filled with steam, and her hair is sticking to her face, and moisture is beginning to pool on her skin.

God, she’s beautiful.

“We can’t keep going back and forth, Hardin. It’s not good for either of us.”

“It’s not going to be that way anymore; we can get through this. We’ve gotten through worse, and I know now how quickly I can lose you. I took you for granted, and I know that. I’m only asking for one more chance.” I take her face between my hands.

“It’s not that simple,” she tells me; her bottom lip begins to quiver, and I’m still trying to stop my tears.

“It’s not supposed to be simple.”

“It’s not supposed to be this hard either.” She begins to cry with me.

“Yes; yes, it is. It’ll never be easy with us. We are who we are, but it won’t always be this hard. We just have to learn to talk to each other without fighting every time. If we’d been able to have a conversation about the future, it wouldn’t have turned into this big fucking mess.”

“I tried, but you wouldn’t have it,” she reminds me.

“I know.” I sigh. “And that’s something I have to learn. I’m a mess without you, Tessa. I’m nothing. I can’t eat, sleep, or even breathe. I’ve been crying for days straight, and you know I don’t cry. I just . . . I need you.” My voice is breaking and cracking, and I sound like a fucking idiot.

“Stand up.” She hooks her arm under mine to try to pull me up.

Once I’m on my feet, I stand directly in front of her. My breath is ragged, and it’s hard to breathe in here, with the steam filling every inch of the bathroom.

Her eyes pour into mine as she takes in my confession. If it wasn’t for the fact that I’m crying, she wouldn’t believe me. I know she’s battling with herself, I can tell by the look in her eyes. I’ve seen it before.

“I don’t know if I can; we keep doing this over and over. I don’t know if I can set myself up for it again.” She looks down at the ground. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, look at me,” I plead and tilt her head up so her eyes meet mine.

She averts her eyes, though. “No, Hardin. I need to get in the shower, I’m going to be late.”

I capture a single tear from just below her eye and nod.

I know that I’ve put her through hell and no one in their right mind would take me back again after the bet, the lies, and my constant need to fuck everything up. She’s not like anyone else, though; she loves unconditionally, and she puts everything she has into loving me. Even now, when she’s turning me away, I know she loves me.

“Just think about it, okay?” I ask her.