Chapter 284 (1/2)
He merely sat there, leaning on the bed, wearing a set of clean clothes. Seeing her, he began smiling as usual as he stretched out his hand and pointed toward a chair by the side and signaled, ”Sit.”
She sat down, still in a daze, as she looked at him with tears rolling in her eyes, yet she dared not to cry. Biting her lips, she tried her best not to cry out loud.
”Yushu, from now on, it will be tough on you,” he calmly said this as he looked at her. He said it ever so slowly, yet his words were clear. On the small desk, there were two old pieces of ginseng that had already been mostly consumed. He lightly sighed, and glanced at Yong'er and said, ”I am not a responsible father.”
Yushu was really afraid. All her life, she had never felt so scared before. She suddenly gathered her courage and grabbed hold of her husband's arm and said, ”Master, please, no. You can't do this.”
Xuan Mo smiled. His complexion turned even more pale, his eyes sunken in. He no longer looked the same as he once was.
”Master, you can't do this.” This naive woman knew not what else she could say, and merely kept shaking her head as she grasped her husband's arm, repeating the same line over and over again.
The nightly breeze slowly pushed open the windows. The lone candle was almost extinguished several times. The air from outside was cold, bringing with it the sweet scent of chrysanthemum from the north.
She could still vaguely remember the conversation she had with her sisters. They were together, trying to imagine their future husbands. Some wanted to marry an intelligent scholar, some wanted to marry a powerful general, some wanted to marry the prince of a noble family. Only she could not make up her mind, and after being forced by her sisters did she finally say, ”As long as he treats me well, it will be alright.”
As long as he treats me well, it will be alright.
She had always been such a person, even her sisters had felt that she had little ambition. But so what? At the very least, she would not feel upset due to greed, she would not feel lonely by being alone, she would not blame everything around her. Her wishes were simple but easily satisfied. Her life was simple, but it was peaceful and joyous. Yet, she gave up on hoping for even that small wish of hers at this very moment.
She held onto Xuan Mo's hand, and while trembling, she said, ”Master, the old Master has already passed on. Just divorce me. I know, Master, you did not like me and have someone else in your heart. But now I do not want anything. As long as Master is still alive, even if you divorce me, it will be alright.”
At that moment, all wind and rain seemed to stop. This general who had seen so much in life was suddenly taken aback by this woman's stubbornness. A pain suddenly started nibbling at his heart, as his years of stubbornness and determination disintegrated as the river of time suddenly engulfed his thoughts, forming into a sea of regret. At this final moment of his life, it transformed into a sigh.
After being married for so many years, this was the first time that he stretched out his hand and embraced his wife properly, as he apologized, ”Yushu, I have disappointed you.”
Yushu was completely taken aback, as she was caught in this unfamiliar embrace. All these years of endurance, all these years of self-control, all these years of self-comfort, and all these years of lying to herself, she had always felt that she was a good wife, and thought that she was not hurt, not sad. Yet, everything crumbled in that simple sentence, in that simple embrace. It seemed like she had not been free from sadness, free from disappointment, free from dreams and hopes. Only that she had always suppressed everything.
She suddenly let loose her voice, crying her lungs out, unable to form coherent sentences. This was the first time in her life, also the last, that Yushu cried out loud in the arms of her husband.
After saying that sentence, Xuan Mo passed on. He was so peaceful as he left this world, his expression made him see like he was merely a painting.
On the second day, hearing of King Xuan's passing, the Emperor of Yan, who was initially planning to leave the city suddenly changed his path, coming straight to King Xuan's residence. This ruthless and cold Emperor was dressed in his usual black clothing, and stood before Xuan Mo's grave for a long time. All those who came for the funeral were beyond astonished as they cowered in silence. Yet, he was like a stone statue.
After that, there was a string of posthumously awarded titles and rewards, but all that ultimately had nothing to do with her. Her heart had died, and all the superficial glory in the world meant nothing to her.
The carriage inched forward slowly on the main path, passing through the prosperous city, passing through the bustling crowds as it exited the city heading to the southwest. The cacophony of the crowd gradually distanced. The scenery was replaced by that of mountains and snow plains. The sky was grey and gloomy, with an occasional lone bird flying past, clearly separated from the flock as it let out calls of sadness.
Yong'er leaned in the embrace of Yushu, almost falling asleep from the warmth and comfort of the inside of the carriage. The blankets were extremely thick, blocking the external coldness. Yushu held the child as she patted his back rhythmically while humming some tune she had heard long ago. Time seemed to be passing ever so slowly, and the journey seemed ever so long.
”My lady, there is a tea shop up ahead, shall we take a break?” Jiang Wu, who was leading the escort team, closed in and asked.
The veils lightly opened, with the cold wind gushing into the carriage. Yushu frowned, and looking up at the sky, she replied, ”Let us hurry. I think the weather is about to turn bad. Let's not be blocked on the way by snow.”
”Understood.” Jiang Wu continued, ”Hongchuan is really cold. If this was still in the Song territory, at this time of the year, the lotus would still be blossoming.”
”Mother?” Yong'er rubbed his eyes, his face was flushed red. After being exposed to the cold wind, he seemed more energetic. Frowning, he asked, ”Are we there yet?”
Yushu looked at the surroundings and replied while nodding, ”Soon.”
Yushu had not been to many places in her life. The first time she left the family was when she migrated from the Song Empire to the Zhen Huang City. Traveling thousands of miles, she came along with tens of thousands of Song nobles, arriving at this cold and unfamiliar land.