Part 23 (1/2)

No, Charles as a young man.

The other woman, keen to a.s.sure me I'm better looking, says, When he's older he'll be far more handsome than the prince.

20 There's a big wooden fence out by Mount Pearl. It's supposed to be a barrier between the houses and the highway. But as you accelerate, the fence begins to blur, the gaps between the pickets link up, and suddenly the fence vanishes. You can see, with no interruption, the houses in behind. But the houses can't see you. If you slipped off the road and hit the fence at the right speed, you'd slip right through it.

21 Max: Let's do some heavy drinking.

Yes, I need a few heavy drinks.

You need a chaser.

I need to be chased.

You will be chased. You have to stop chasing in order to be chased. Youre too exposed and everyone sees the wind blowing through you and they won't touch you while that wind is blowing. No one likes a man with his heart wounded by another.

I need sutures.

We're gonna get you some sutures.

22 I phone Lydia. She says, I'm just reading an old paper. What time did you get up?

Oh, nine-thirty.

Me: I'm just up.

You sound like youre not up. Like youre way under a blanket. You sound horizontal.

Me:You sound half asleep.

Yeah, I'm just noticing that. It was getting up. From the table.

So how are you.

Lydia: I'm good. I'm really good. I went for a run. I'm not feeling too good. Oh my G.o.d, my nose.

What is it?

It's all puffy on one side.

Are you okay?

I feel okay. But the side of my face.

You must have fallen.

I must have. I was with Max until the sun came up. You got home okay?

I was pretty drunk. But I beelined home. I must have hit a lamppost. No, I hit a tree.

23 Helmut will be home for Christmas. They placed first, Iris says. She shows me their web page and the maps of their progress and Boston harbour. They were eight hours ahead of the next boat. Five months of racing and they won by eight hours. There is an article all about the racers, and a photo of Helmut and the team in today's papers. He has long hair, he's thinner. I recognize him by his hands.

24 Alex and I sit on the cold concrete at one in the morning, down in the heart of the town. The river flas.h.i.+ng below us. A river takes you out of the human landscape and transports you into a terrain without clocks. A bridge is a place of confession, of consolation. Confessions are anything you know to be true.

Alex: I want to write a song as good as a Wilf song.

Yes, a song.

I want to fall in love. I mean, really fall in love. Don't you, Gabe?

Yes.

Can you imagine it?

It's hard to separate it from the s.e.xual side.

Not for me. I've got a picture of the perfect man.

And what's he like?

He separates what I say and do from who I am. He doesn't criticize me. You know, men do that all the time.

Well. It's hard to know the difference between criticism of acts and criticism of the person.

I know I'm sensitive, she says.

We hold hands. It's meant for comfort. It is like holding your own hand, or patting your own sides to offer encouragement. It is dark, the river rus.h.i.+ng under us, the air a little chilly. I have fished this river, and fis.h.i.+ng takes the mystery out of a river.

It's true that all rivers connect. The sound of a river belongs in the same folder as all other rivers, and nothing quite compares, and so the memories of what has happened at other rivers is easy to summon. And so rivers are nostalgic and nostalgia means returning home, plus pain.

25 They call out to me as I'm walking up Long's Hill. The night so empty, sound travelling for miles.

Maisie: Let's go for a beer.

Max: One beer.

Maisie: We'll split a beer. Three ways.

Okay, I say. Say, arent you parents?

26 I walk to the art gallery, and pa.s.s through the graveyard. The graveyard on Mayor always puts me in a mood. Boyd Coady is combing his dog there. The dog is tied to a pipe railing with a blue ribbon. There's a number spray-painted on some of the pines above the Farrell graves.

I ask him why.

He says he just needed things. He needed to do his laundry. Did you fix the faucet?

It was not a big problem. A washer, he says.