Part 19 (1/2)
The object in motion had been his career. And it had stopped. And yes, all the reasons and rationalizations regarding the honor of serving aboard the Enterprise and all of that had been accurate as far as it went. But there was an element that he had not been dealing with, an object at rest-that object being his relations.h.i.+p with Deanna. One, he now believed, was intertwined with the other in a way that he had never fully comprehended.
He was in love with Deanna. Not as a friend, not as a former intimate. They were Imzadi. They had gotten into each other's souls, and not only had he never gotten her out of his, he had now come to the realization that he didn't want to.
It wasn't just the Enterprise herself that had a hold on him. It was Deanna herself, all unintentionally. If he'd gotten command of another vessel, he would have had to leave her behind. Either that, or force her to make a decision to come with him to his new post or stay with the Enterprise. He loved her too much to ask her to tear herself away from her extended Enterprise family, and he was still too d.a.m.ned vacillating on his own feelings about her to commit. And because of that vacillation, she was on Betazed at that very moment in the arms of Worf.
He felt ill, his stomach in a knot. He didn't know what to do.
No ... Riker did know. It was just a matter of doing it. There were not immediate plans for a wedding, so he had a little time. Not infinite amounts, but a little.
He went to his vidcom and began to place a communique to Betazed... but then canceled it. Betazed was too far to allow instantaneous communication, which meant that he'd have to send a one-way. A one-way that said what? ”Deanna, I love you, ditch Worf, get back here?” Besides, even if something instantaneous were possible, how could he do it? He had to be face-to-face with her, to touch her mind, and to see how she felt. After all, this was hardly just about him. There were her feelings to consider; she was the one who was engaged. She was the one who had moved on, and only Riker was left in neutral. It was entirely possible that she truly didn't love him anymore, that she didn't reciprocate the feelings he had finally realized he had. Plus there was Worf to contend with. Speaking one-to-one with Deanna would be going behind his back. He owed it to Worf to be frank with him, to be in his presence. It was, to be blunt, not a concept that Riker was in love with. ”Hi, Worf, how you doing, I want your fiancee back, is that okay with you?” Oh, that was going to be just peachy. But he had no choice. No choice whatsoever.
”You're not giving me much of a choice here, Commander,” said Admiral Jellico.
It was the next morning. Riker had tried to fall back to sleep and had not been especially successful. When the morning sun played across his face, Riker finally gave up and got on the link with Jellico at Starfleet Headquarters. Jellico was admiral in charge of-among other things-personnel a.s.signment. Riker would rather have gone to just about anyone else, up to and including Satan. Unfortunately for Riker, for what he was requesting, Jellico was the man to talk to.
”I regret that, sir, but it is rather important,” Riker said.
”You want me to delay your a.s.signment to the Academy so that you can go off and conduct personal business? Is that right?”
”That is correct, yes,” said Riker for what seemed to him the umpteenth time.
”But you won't tell me what it is.”
”I would rather not, sir.”
”Because it's personal.”
Riker fought down a smart-a.s.s response. This was not the time to crack wise to a superior officer. ”Yes, sir.”
”This is not just any teaching a.s.signment you've been selected for. Heavy emphasis is to be placed on tactics and strategy in dealing with the Borg. You are uniquely qualified. Only Shelby and Picard have more expertise: the former is unavailable, and it would just be too cruel to dredge up the hards.h.i.+ps that Picard endured. We antic.i.p.ate a year, two at most, before the Borg strike at Earth. We must be ready, and you will contribute.” Jellico folded his hands on his desk.
”Commander... as you know, I was strongly against the notion of keeping Picard's command crew in storage until such time that the new s.h.i.+p could be relaunched. Normally, that's my call to make. In this instance, I was overruled by highers up.”
”Yes, sir, I know.”
”I don't like making exceptions. Starfleet does not run on exceptions. It runs on discipline and uniformity of purpose. Not on certain captains and their crew being given preferential treatment and special dispensation. Are you reading me, Commander?”
Like a bad novel, you blowhard. ”Yes, sir.”
”That's the first thing. The second thing is, Riker, I don't particularly trust you.”
”You don't 'trust' me, sir?” Now Riker was starting to get angry. ”Sir, with all due respect...”
”There's that phrase again,” muttered Jellico.
”I don't believe that my asking for a delay in my a.s.signment gives you the right or the authority to question my loyalty to Starfleet.”
”My rank gives me the authority, Commander. Your vagueness in your 'personal reasons' gives me the right. For that matter, I am still very disturbed over this business with your 'twin.'”
”What?” Riker stared at him. ”Admiral, what are you talking ab-wait... you mean Tom? Last I heard, he was being a.s.signed to the Gandhi.”
”Ah.” The syllable seemed to hang there for a moment, as if Jellico was suddenly uncomfortable. ”Well... these events were quite recent, and with everything else going on, we hadn't yet informed you...”
”Informed me of what?'
”Your doppelganger never reported for his a.s.signment. He joined the Maquis, hijacked a stars.h.i.+p, and tried to make a strike against the Carda.s.sians. The last I heard, he was stewing in a Carda.s.sian labor camp. I don't know much more than 2O3.
that; the Carda.s.sians are never especially eager to share information with us, particularly when it comes to matters of internal security.”
Riker was stunned. ”Why wasn't I told at once? Why-”
”Believe it or not, Commander, when it comes to traitorous officers, Starfleet is only slightly more forthcoming than the Carda.s.sians. It simply wasn't necessary for you to know.”
And then the dime dropped for Riker. ”Wait a minute. Admiral... are you saying that because Tom Riker joined the Maquis ... my integrity, after all these years, is now called into question?”
For just a moment, Jellico seemed to backpedal. ”No one is questioning it, Commander. However ...”
”However what?”
”Well, it's clear that the potential for duplicity is present in you,” Jellico told him, his voice becoming hard again. ”It doesn't count against you, you understand. It's not as if Thomas Riker's deceit makes a mark on your record. But when it comes to your mysterious requests about-”
Completely fed up, Riker burst out with, ”I need to talk to a woman about marrying me, all right, Admiral?”
Jellico blinked in surprise. ”Oh. Any particular woman?”
”No, Admiral, I just figured I would grab the first likely candidate I ran across.”
”Save the sarcasm, Commander.” He paused and then said, in a slightly conciliatory tone, ”I appreciate your candor.”
”Thank you, sir,” Riker said with a relieved breath.
”Request denied.”
The breath caught in Riker's throat. ”What?” he managed to get out.
”We all make sacrifices when it comes to our personal lives, Commander. That's one of the simple realities of Starfleet. If you don't believe me, go talk to the families of the crew of the Voyager, left in limbo and wondering if their loved ones are dead or not. You need to talk to a woman? That's what subs.p.a.ce radio is for. But I'm not about to rearrange the schedule of everyone else at the Academy just so that you can go off and engage in some frivolous adventure.”
”I don't consider it frivolous, Admiral.”
”Obviously. But I do. And I don't advise that you endeavor to go over my head on this, Commander, or go whining to your father figure, Picard. The goodwill afforded the crew of the Enterprise has been more than used up at this point. It will not reflect well on you or Picard if you start seeking out more personal favors.”
”Very well, Admiral. Now you are leaving me no choice. I have no desire to leave anyone in the lurch, but if I have to seek a leave of absence ...”
”By all means. If you want a leave of absence, that I will happily grant you.”
That surprised the h.e.l.l out of Riker. After being such a pain in the neck, for Jellico suddenly to be compromising ... it was enough to make Riker start wondering if he'd misjudged him. ”Oh! Well... thank you, sir...”