Part 10 (1/2)

I tried to fight down the corners of my mouth as I looked at him. He caught me trying not to laugh and just shook his head in my direction. After the merry-go-round, we went on the Tilt-A-Whirl, and then another handful of rides that I'd never heard of before that made me dizzy, and laugh, and alright, even scream as we raced through the corkscrew on the rollercoaster.

The whole evening was almost surreal. Ian smiled so much that when he wasn't looking I actually pinched myself, convinced I must be dreaming. I was like a whole different person too, letting loose and without a care in the world. Our sungla.s.ses eventually found a home in my purse, but the hats stayed firmly in place. No one even gave us a second glance, except for maybe the women who were checking Ian out, but I was getting used to that.

I craned my neck back as we waited in line for the Ferris wheel, watching the neon lights spiral around the outer edge. It was huge. So tall that it actually hurt to bend my neck that far back to look at the top.

After scanning our card, we slid into the open car that had the number twenty-one painted on the side. The operator closed the door behind us, locking it.

The motor of the ride whirred and we were on our way, coasting slowly back and then up into the air. I clung to the edge of the window, watching the people and the ground shrink. As we started down the other side of the loop, I turned back to Ian. His foot bounced up and down against the floor, his hands rubbing against the soft denim of his jeans.

”Ian?”

”Yeah?” He answered, without even turning to look at me.

”You all right?”

”Fine.”

Now this was the Ian I was used to, but for the life of me I couldn't pinpoint what caused the s.h.i.+ft. I leaned back in my seat, the enjoyment of the night seeming to leach out of me with his plummeting mood.

The Ferris wheel started its second revolution, but I just picked at the hem of my s.h.i.+rt, plucking at a loose thread. I made a mental note to cut it when I get home before it got any worse. As we neared the top again, Ian took a deep breath next to me, his shoulder brus.h.i.+ng against mine.

I flicked my eyes up to him and found him watching me, looking at me with such an intensity that I was instantly concerned. A thought clicked into place. ”You're afraid of heights, aren't you?”

”No.” He dipped his head toward me, and the brim of his hat collided with mine. A curse slipped through his lips. I could only stare as he tossed my hat onto the opposite seat and whipped his around so that it sat backward on his head.

This time I knew what was coming, but I was still just as surprised. My mind stumbled over itself, so dizzy that it couldn't get a grip. His lips pressed against mine, soft but dry. No other part of his body touched mine, and after what I approximated as three seconds, he drew back, his chest filling with uneven breaths.

We sat next to each other, both staring straight ahead. Awkward didn't even begin to describe it. Saying it was the worst kiss I'd ever had wouldn't be an exaggeration. Even the math major had been better. And hadn't he just told me that he didn't date? It made no sense.

”What just happened?” I couldn't look at him when I asked, fixing my gaze on a half-peeled-off sticker affixed to the corner of the opposite seat.

”I know it's been awhile since I've kissed anyone, but that's the first time I've ever gotten that reaction.” He thumped his head back.

My mind raced-from the fact that what I thought was amazing chemistry was actually the complete opposite to a huge realization that I should have figured out long before now-the list. I wanted to smack myself in the forehead and blurt out, ”Duh!”

”You kissed me because of the list.” G.o.d, I was so stupid. I should have seen it coming from a mile away.

”Yes.” He still hadn't looked at me.

My heart sank. He kissed me because of Renee's list. Not because he wanted to. Not because this thing I'd been feeling between us was mutual. Nope. I was an item on a list. I was the nice gesture so that I could cross it off. Who else was I going to get to kiss me on the top of a Ferris wheel?

Someone in the car in front of us started laughing, and as we neared the ground I sent up a prayer that the ride would stop and I could exit my own personal torture box. It didn't. I pressed my lips together to bite back a sigh. The night sky loomed outside the window, blacker than black and p.r.i.c.kled with stars. The silence between us was oppressive. I didn't know what to say. Maybe ”thank you,” but I wasn't sure I could utter it right now without it sounding bitter.

We reached the top again for what I fervently hoped was the last time. Once we were back on the ground, I planned on excusing myself to the bathroom again and whipping my emotions firmly back into place.

Ian crowded into my s.p.a.ce, and I slid my gaze back over to him. His tongue ran out over his lips, and my eyes dipped down to follow its path before sweeping back up to him.

”Ian, what are you doing?”

”Trying again.”

This time around, his hand slid up the length of my thigh to rest on my hip as he leaned over me. The kiss was less tentative, more demanding, his lips playing over mine. His tongue ran along the seam of my lips, and I followed his lead, parting them for him on an exhale. I reached out a hand tentatively, resting it along the side of his throat and threading my fingers through his thick hair. Underneath my thumb, his pulse pounded heavily.

I s.h.i.+fted away from the cold plastic behind me, pus.h.i.+ng toward him, and his hand slid from my hip to my lower back to hold me in place. His fingertips grazed skin in the small gap between my s.h.i.+rt and pants. My tongue tangled with his, tasting him, pressing him for more.

The ride shuddered to a stop, our car swinging ever so slightly like a tiny pendulum. He pulled back, and he looked about as confused as I felt.

The operator yanked open the door, interrupting the moment. Ian exited ahead of me, and I ran a thumb over my lips, trying to memorize the feeling. I'd been wrong, the chemistry between us was everything I thought it would be. It was fireworks-hot and sizzling and explosive.

On some type of mutual agreement, or just the fact that neither of us knew what to say to the other after that, we walked back to the car without another word. The sound of the car doors closing seemed to echo in the parking lot, and before I knew it, we were on our way back home.

I leaned my elbow against the door, my chin in my hand. I was so busy thinking that I didn't remember to get carsick. He kissed me because of the list. He'd said so. But there was more than just the list in that kiss, more than that swirling in his eyes when he opened them. I was good at reading people, had to be when I moved in the senator's circles, and in Ian, I had seen pa.s.sion, frustration, and indecision.

I must have dozed, my forehead pressed into the cold gla.s.s of the window, because the next thing I knew, we were pulling up outside my apartment and Ian was shaking me awake.

I blinked sleepily, trying to get my bearings. Unbuckling my seatbelt, I looked at him, trying to settle on the words that I wanted to come out of my mouth. I hesitated there, trapped between what I wanted to say and the false plat.i.tudes I could let dive off my tongue with practiced ease.

”Bianca?”

Maybe I didn't need to ask him, and maybe with Ian I didn't need to know all the answers. I knew that anything long term wasn't possible with him. In another four months, I'd be on my way to the other side of the country.

For once I knew what I wanted and decided I was going to take it. Not because it was the right thing to do, or it was something I needed to check off the list. I was going to do it just because I wanted to, because kissing Ian made me feel more alive than I'd ever felt before.

I pushed up against the center console, aiming my mouth for his. Pausing a few inches away, I waited for him to back away. His eyes flared, but instead of retreating, he closed the miniscule gap between us and kissed me again.

My heart grew wings and took flight, soaring straight out of my chest. But when it came back to me a few minutes later, it felt like a tiny piece of it was already missing.

Ian rested his forehead against mine, his thumb running the length of my jaw. ”I can't promise you anything.”

”I never asked you to.”

Chapter 18: Ian.

7 Years Earlier I stuck a finger under the edge of my bowtie, giving it a tug to lessen the strangling sensation.

”Ian, stop fidgeting,” Mom said, lowering the camera an inch so that she could glare at me.

”Sorry, Ma.” Up the camera went, snapping another picture and nearly blinding me with the flash. My phone buzzed in my pocket, vibrating against my leg. I silently thanked whoever was calling. We'd already taken approximately six hundred and forty-seven pictures, and we hadn't even gotten to Rachel's house yet. For c.r.a.p's sake, it wasn't even the first time I went to prom.

Pulling out my phone, I excused myself to the kitchen, fumbling through the cabinet for a clean gla.s.s to get myself some water. I tucked the phone between my ear and shoulder. ”This is Ian.”

From the other end the sound of blaring music nearly deafened me. I yanked the phone away from my ear to check out the caller ID. ”Ben? h.e.l.lo?”

”Ian? You there?”

”I'm here. Man, where are you? Mom's looking for you for pictures.”