Part 2 (1/2)
”I think it's more common for guys like you.” She wished she could have prevented that last sentence from leaving her mouth, but it was out. Maybe it was time. She reached out and grasped his hand, squeezing it. ”I didn't mean it like that. I just think more straight couples have open relations.h.i.+ps than lesbians. I think it's harder for women to get their heads around it.” Pain etched his features and she hurried to add, ”I know you regret what you did.”
”Worst thing I've done in my life,” he said for what Callie estimated was the thousandth time. ”I thought I was just having a discreet little fling, but it cost me my family and my whole way of life.” He sank down in the sofa, looking utterly defeated. ”If it hadn't been for you and Emily, I think I would have ended it all.”
That would have been just perfect. Having him leave the house almost killed her. What would have happened if he'd killed himself. She couldn't stand even the thought. She got up and sat next to him, pulling him into a tender hug-the kind he'd given her every night before he was booted out. ”Don't even think about that. We need our dad and I'm darned happy I finally live close enough to see you more often. Emily's jealous,” she said, showing the happiness sisters seem to get from having something the other doesn't.
”Gretchen's not. She doesn't care if I live or die.”
”That's not true. She just...she's just like mom. Things are black or white for her. It's not just you that she judges. She's not wild about me being with Marina.”
”Because of the open relations.h.i.+p?”
”No. Because Marina's a woman.” She chuckled. ”It seems that still matters to some people. My narrow-minded sister, for one.”
”That's ridiculous.” He frowned. ”How do you turn your back on family?”
He was so clueless sometimes. How could he ask that question when he'd moved to Dallas-just to escape the bad memories of Phoenix. To save himself from pain, he'd made it worse for them. So much worse. He had called every night to read to her, but that hadn't make a dent in the loss.
”She hasn't turned her back on me, she just lectures me about how childish I'm being. She thinks my s.e.xual orientation is a sign of my inability to be in a mature, fully developed relations.h.i.+p. She thinks I'm taking the easy way out.”
”I never should have paid to send her to school to study psychology. She cherry-picks all of the things that support her views and ignores the rest.”
Callie leaned back and looked at him, trying not to dwell on the fact that her father paid for Gretchen to go to a private school, while she had to go to a state university. Even worse, Gretchen had completely wasted the money. She had a degree from a good school and had never worked full time. ”That's remarkably accurate. How do you know so much about her?”
”Just from things you and Emily tell me. She does sound a lot like your mom.”
”Too much. They get together and figure out what to complain about that day. It's too much.”
”You know, I think I'm a sharp guy, but it just dawned on me why you wanted to talk this over with me.”
”I called because I respect your opinion, Dad.”
He straightened up, a.s.suming his normal posture, looking like the middle-aged systems engineer that he was. Intelligence radiated from his blue eyes, and his gaze was sharp. ”Yeah, I know. But I think you're hoping I can tell you what goes on in a person's mind to lead him, or her, in this case, to cheat.” His eyes got bigger. ”Especially when she practically has carte blanche to sleep with whoever she wants to.”
”It's not quite that broad of an agreement, but she certainly has a lot of freedom.”
”If I'd had just a snippet of that I'd still be with your mother.”
”Yeah, you probably would. But for mom to give you a little leeway would have killed her. She's just not the type. Never was...never will be.”
He patted Callie's knee. ”I wish I knew why Marina screwed up, but I still can't explain why I did it. I wanted a little variety, the opportunity came up and I jumped at it. I knew it was wrong, I knew your mother would never forgive me if she found out, and I did it anyway. A real recipe for disaster.”
Callie wished he would stop admitting he knew how wrong it was. That made it hurt more. Wouldn't anyone know that?
”Marina certainly didn't need variety, so that's not it. She claims it just happened-that she didn't stop to think.”
”That's kind of what happened with me, honey. I could make a case for how the woman chased me for months and kept making offers that I had a harder and harder time refusing. But it wasn't her fault. I was married and I gave in to temptation. No excuses.”
Callie chewed on her lower lip, something she'd been doing all day, even though it now felt raw and swollen. Her father didn't make excuses, but what good did that do? The years they'd been a thousand miles apart weighed on her mind. No matter how much he'd tried, he couldn't make it seem like he was there for them. Thank G.o.d they'd had the last year and a half to really get close again. Being nearby had made all the difference. It was clear he was a good man who'd screwed up once and had paid a dear price. Through it all he'd never said a bad word about her mother. That said a lot about his character.
”I'd like to move out before she gets home. I know I'll never get the straight story out of her.”
”Do you really know that?”
She shrugged, looking away from his pointed gaze. ”I dunno. I thought I knew when she was lying. I didn't.”
”You've invested over a year of your life with her. Spending a few hours hearing her out doesn't sound like too big a commitment, does it?”
Reluctantly, she said, ”No, I suppose not. But it makes me sick to think of looking into her lying eyes.”
”But you don't mind her sleeping with other women...”
He trailed off when she gave him a sharp look. How could she explain this? There was a big difference between s.e.x and love. Marina needed extra s.e.x. Case closed.
He tried again, phrasing the question differently. ”Isn't this just another woman she's having s.e.x with?”
”Technically, but it's different. It's very different. She lied, Dad. She cheated.”
”By sleeping with another woman.” His eyes narrowed in thought. ”It's hard for me to see the difference. Besides, wouldn't you hate to move out of this place?” He picked up his hands and gestured around the apartment. ”This is the nicest place I've been to in Dallas.”
”It is nice, but it's awfully expensive. I wanted to move some place more in my comfort level, but Marina was already here...”
Jeff stood up and gently patted his daughter on the shoulder. ”You'll figure this out, Chicklet. You always do. You've been an adult even when the adults in your life were acting like kids.”
She stood up and embraced him, relis.h.i.+ng the strong, warm comfort of his hug. ”Thanks, Dad, and try to erase everything I told you from your memory bank.”
”I'll do a core dump.” He kissed her on the cheek. ”I'll call to check up on you. But if you need to talk before then, call me. Promise?” He looked into her eyes, and the concern and caring that showed in them brought a lump to her throat. She hugged him tight, then walked him to the door.
After her dad left, Callie spent a long time staring at her computer screen. She started and stopped and started again, finally composing an e-mail to Marina. It didn't truly satisfy her, but it felt better to get some of her feelings out.
Marina, I'm sorry for not taking your calls, but I can't talk to you right now. I'm not even sure I'll be here when you get home. This might be more than I can take.
I've been thinking about one of the talks we had when we got together. You told me that having an open relations.h.i.+p would keep us from ever being tempted to lie to each other about s.e.x. I trusted that promise, and having you break it might kill our relations.h.i.+p. I wish you hadn't done something so hurtful, but you did, and I don't know if I can stay here and work through this.
Chapter Three.
The next day Callie greeted the day more enthusiastically than she'd been able to the day before. Feeling relatively like herself, she spent the early afternoon trying to get some work done. She tinkered around, trying to come up with a design for a logo and a full professional stationery and business card setup for a local firm, but nothing was coalescing.
She was about to call it quits when someone buzzed from the lobby. She went to the video display by the front door and was dismayed to see Marina's mother Fawn, standing in the lobby, anxiously prancing like a child who had to use the bathroom.
Callie pressed the b.u.t.ton. ”Come on up.”
It took a few minutes for Fawn to reach the fifteenth floor, but Callie didn't spend the time checking how she looked. She normally spent an anxious hour getting ready to spend time with the Boltons, but at this point she didn't give a d.a.m.n what Fawn thought of her.
She opened the door to a brisk knock and stood aside to let Fawn enter in her normal grandiose fas.h.i.+on.
”Oh, I'm so glad you're here. Marina is gonna be so relieved.” The cultured Dallas accent that Fawn usually effected was obliterated by her natural Arkansas tw.a.n.g.