Part 24 (1/2)

Stunned, Regan chugged her beer and got up to head for the kitchen. ”I'm getting another. Are you ready?”

Callie looked at her beer from which she'd taken two sips and said, ”No. Not yet.”

When Regan came back, she sat down and took another long drink. ”I told Angela when we'd just started going out that I never wanted to hear about anyone she'd been with. I don't like to think of the person I'm with ever having been kissed by another person.” She took another drink of her beer, still fl.u.s.tered. ”I don't think you and I are made the same way.”

”That's what I was referring to earlier. Everybody has stuff when it comes to s.e.x. You just need to figure out how to make it work if it's important to you.”

Regan took another drink, her eyes focused on the window. ”s.e.x is very important,” she said quietly. ”s.e.x is how I show someone I love her. It's a great way to communicate. But if you don't have love and trust and respect and concern for each other the best s.e.x in the world isn't going to hold your relations.h.i.+p together.”

”I understand that. I really do. But that's the ideal. You don't always get the perfect lover. So you figure out how to make it work, even if it's outside of your comfort zone.”

The front door buzzed and Regan got up to answer it, mulling over Callie's words. Her view seemed to be that you took people as you found them, then figured out how to make s.e.x work. That was so ridiculous that it didn't merit a comment. You only let yourself fall for the right person. You didn't take every bit of trash you found by the road. But Marina was trash, and Callie would have still been with her if Marina had been more careful. And that was unconscionable.

They ate their food in relative silence. That wasn't odd for them, so Callie chalked it up to Regan's being tired. But she had an edgy energy that showed itself when she got up to clean the kitchen, telling Callie to stay where she was.

Callie watched her work, seeing the tense, rigid set to her shoulders. She knew something was up, and as soon as Regan came back into the room she could feel her stomach start to flip. Regan sat down beside her and said, ”We need to talk.”

Trying to create some moisture in her arid mouth, Callie merely nodded.

Regan looked as earnest and as nervous as Callie had ever seen her. The first words from her mouth caused Callie's mouth to drop open in astonishment. ”I love you,” she said, her voice shaking. ”I love you so much it hurts. And I wish with all my heart that we could be together, but... we can't.”

”What?” She jumped up so fast her head spun. ”What are you talking about?”

”It wouldn't work. It just wouldn't.”

”Regan!” she snapped. ”Spit it out.”

”I don't think it was wrong of you to be in a relations.h.i.+p like the one you were in with Marina, but... Oh, s.h.i.+t. I've gotta be honest. I do think it was wrong. I can't get that out of my mind. It's like you were cheating even though you weren't.”

”Pardon me? You're saying you can't love me because I was in an open relations.h.i.+p?”

”Yeah. That's exactly what I'm saying.”

”You don't know the first thing about how it was between Marina and me. Not the first thing.”

”I know that I wouldn't do something that I thought was wrong, no matter how much my partner wanted it.”

Callie was almost yelling. ”You do what you need to do to make the person you love happy.”

”Then I guess I'm not as giving as you are. I was willing to do almost anything. Almost anything. But I would never, ever have agreed to let Angela have s.e.x with other people.”

”And the fact that I let Marina means that I'm damaged goods?”

”Yes, that's bad enough. But the fact that you did it is worse. I hate to judge you, but the fact that you could be in love with her and sleep with other women-even though you had permission-freaks me out.”

”I didn't sleep with other women!”

There was a moment of complete silence. Then, sounding less sure of herself, Regan said, ”Of course you did.”

”Shouldn't I be the one who knows? Our relations.h.i.+p was open, but I was monogamous. I could have slept with other people if I wanted to, but I didn't want to. I was with Marina. Only Marina.”

”You're kidding.”

”I don't find this very funny, so no, I'm not kidding. Why do you a.s.sume that I was sleeping around?”

”Why in the heck would you be in a relations.h.i.+p like that if you didn't want to sleep around?”

”I told you why. Because Marina needed it.”

”We've talked about this before. In depth. Why didn't you ever tell me the whole truth?”

”You never asked me specifically. And, to be honest, I always felt like a bit of an idiot for letting her do it while I didn't want to.”

”Wait. Just wait a second.”

”I'm waiting,” Callie said when Regan didn't comment for a full minute.

”You must have known that I would have thought you slept with other women. Why didn't you make it clear that you didn't?”

”I didn't know you'd think that. Actually, since I never mentioned being with anyone else I thought you'd a.s.sume I was monogamous.”

”What? That's kinda out there. That's expecting a lot of me to guess that.”

”No, it's not,” she said softly. ”If you really knew me you would have guessed that. I've told you how good things were between us s.e.xually. I've told you how much she turned me on. I love s.e.x but I'm not compulsive about it. Why would I want more when things worked so well?”

Regan sighed deeply. ”I don't know. I just a.s.sumed-”

”You a.s.sumed wrong. I didn't need more s.e.x. I didn't need variety. I'm a monogamous person who was in a relations.h.i.+p with a non-monogamous person. That's it.”

”I should have guessed that. I should have known you're not the type-”

”Stop right there! I don't have to defend what I've done in the past. It's actually none of your business who I've slept with. If Marina and I had an open relations.h.i.+p, that's between us.”

”You're right. That's none of my business.” She stood up and looked around, her aimless gaze scanning all of the horizontal surfaces. ”Do you know where I put my keys? I need to go home.”

”Home? You can't drop a bomb like this and leave!”

”I can't think straight. I just can't. I need to go home and let this settle.”

Callie reached down and took Regan's hand, holding it tightly. ”Don't shut me out. Please.”

”I'm not trying to, but I'm... really, really not sure of what's going on in my head. I need some time alone. Is that okay?”

Callie helped her to her feet. ”Okay. Are you able to drive? You look pretty vacant.”

”Yeah, I'll be fine. I just need to think.”