Part 3 (1/2)
Even as the words turned theh his mind the conviction that his sorroas not like the sorrow of other men rushed upon him What had he done to her? Oh, what had he been to her--his poor Jean? He turned his head and thrust his face into the depths of her blue pillow A delicate breath stole from it--the violet perfume that Jean used about her bedrooan to pace the room madly to and fro
Now there rose about hi of an awful tide, the overlooked but irresistible force of the common life which married man and woman share--incidents that he would rather have died than recall, words, looks, scenes, which it shattered his soul and body to remember
A solemn sea, they widened and spread about hie of them
It seemed to hi out of his consciousness But every hard thing he had ever done rose and rolled upon hilect here, a certain indifference there; an occasion when he had made her miserable and could just as easily have made her happy; a ti attention which he had oiven day; the patient eyes she lifted, heart-sick with sore surprise, once when he
The worst of it was in thinking hohen she began to be weak and ill Jean was not a co invalid, but resolute, sweet, and cheerful Like an air-plant on oxygen, she existed on his tenderness He had offered it to her when he felt like it Well, busy, bustling man--out of his bounteous health and freedoiven to this i of his e of his syht he had come in late, when he could quite as well have co for breath in the cold night air, in her blue goith her braided hair, her lovely look, the dear expression in her eyes She had not reproached himhe wished from his soul, now, that she had reproached hiood; it would have dashed cold water on his fainting sense of duty to her; he was the kind of man ould have responded to it like a man But she was not the kind of woman to do it And she never had So he had slid into those easy habits of accepting the invalid, anyhow; as a fact not to be put too round of his daily lifenot to intrude too ainst the frost that gathered in his heart
She had trodden her via dolorosa alone As she had endured, so she had died He thought that if he had only been with her then, he could have borne it all
His ed, and began to dwell upon what he would do for her if he had her again, living, waret was in thinking hoould comfort hernoould cherish hernow; the love he would waste, the tenderness he would invent--new forht of, to make a wife happy Oh, the honor in which he would hold her least and lightest wish!+ The summer of the heart in which she should blossolect; she as under the catafalque of autu Noveht that Jean lay in her grave!
”God! God!” he cried ”If I could have her back for one hour--for one instant!”
”This way, Avery--turn your head this way Here is the air Theis open Don't struggle so It is all right Breathe naturally,” added the dentist ”Come, take it quietly There is no haras work more easily”
Marshall Avery battled up and pushed his friend away The cold air, dashi+ng in froulps before he could , and the storm wet the sill A few drops spattered over and hit his hand
”Ar!--for Heaven's sake!--if there's any e phrase for a small occasion, Avery I have n't committed murder, you know”
”I ' about ”I don't understand Did I have another tooth out--after all that--happened?”
”I should hope not I must say you yard those as our ive ive chloroforas”
”Did I ask for it?”
”Yes You asked for it Even if you had n't--You don't bear pain, you know, Avery, with that co When you went over to the club with me”-- The dentist twisted hisout in the river then? I seem to remember that you did n't want ale, either And you did n't know that she”-- ”Get up, Avery, and walk about the rooot into the papers--she could n't bear that She was so ill when I left herAr! Was it you kept ?”
Dr Ar towards hi the dentist by the throat But a thought occurred to him which held him back Now, as his consciousness clarified, he saw brilliant and beautiful light throbbing about him; he seemed to float in it, as if he were poised in lory, and broke as it fell into a thousand rays and jets of joy
”Do you mean to tell un--to erously sick? Do you , you would n't a!” piteously, ”?”
”She was, the last I heard,” replied the dentist, sterilizing his instruments with a cool and scientific attention ”That hen you sat down in this chair to have your tooth out”
As Avery dashed by hi hand
”Wait a second, Avery I don't consider you quite fit to go yet Here--wait athrough theskies, could not have held the h the hall and flung the door open Dr Arive him his hat, but Avery paid no attention to the dentist
Bareheaded, fleet-footed, with quivering lip, with shi+ning eye, he fled down the street Like the hurricane that had never sunk the Dreah the ; their cigars gleamed in their mouths and in their hands; they looked to hie; he felt as if he would like to kick them over, and see if they would rattle as they rolled As he rushed, hatless, past the Church of the Happy Saints, an officer on night duty recognized the lawyer, and touched his helure--Mr Avery was not a drinking man He was allowed to pursue his eccentricity undisturbed He met one or two men he knew, and they said, ”Hilloa, Avery!” But he did not answer the:-- ”I did n't do it--I never did it! I did not treat her so I was not that fellow Oh, thank God, I was not that brute!” He hurried on till he lost his breath; then collected himself, and came up more quietly to his own door
He felt for his latch-key, and was relieved to find it in his pocket, as usual; the impression that it lay off the Shoals somewhere at the bottom had not entirely vanished yet He opened the door and closed it softly The hall gas was burning Otherwise the house was dark It was perfectly still The silence somewhat checked his mood, and the violence of his haste abated; with it abated an indefinable measure of his happiness He raised his hand to take off his hat; then found that he had not worn any It occurred to hiht hurt her: he was going to be very thoughtful of Jean She must not be startled He went upstairs quietly
In the upper hall he paused Pink, in the nursery, was grinding her teeth in her sleep The baby was not restless, and Molly was sleeping heavily From his wife's room there came no sound
Jean almost alaked when he came home late, if indeed she had slept at all before she heard his step But this was not inevitable Soht she had been feeble, and had not got to sleep as early as usual As he stood uncertain before her door the clock on the mantel struck eleven
He passed on, and into his own rooo to bed without disturbing her But he could not bring hiitated; and the necessity of keeping quiet did not tend to calht rose warmly Then he saw that the door into his wife's room was partly open ”Jean!” he said softly She did not answer him Sometimes, if she were sleepy, or exhausted, she did not incline to talk when he ca? I want to speak to you I must speak to you,” added the husband impetuously, when Jean did not reply
He pushed the door wide and went in The only light in the roo dihastly look to hi across the little table at the bed
”After all,” he thought, ”I suppose I ought not to wake her--just because I 've got all that to tell her”
He stood, undecided what to do
Jean was lying on the bed in her lace-frilled nightdress, with her bright hair braided in long braids, as she wore it for the night So in her attitude and expression startled him So she had lain--so she had looked-- His temples throbbed suddenly The blood froze at his heart
”Jean!” he cried loudly ”Dear Jean!”
But Jean did not reply He sprang to her, and tore open the nightdress at her throat; he crushed at her hands; they were quite cold He put his ear to her heart; he could not hear it beat Jean lay in her loveliness, with gentle, half-open eyes, and a desolate little sht have looked when she called hiht And he had not come One of her hands clasped the cord of the electric bell But no one had heard Jean's bell
Now, the truth sone; who kneho knehere? while the brain drifted into anaesthesia--had sought out and clutched to itself the terrible fact At the instant when this perception reached his consciousness there came with it the familiar delusion of his vision
”Jean cannot be dead There must be some mistake”
He dashed to the , opened it wide, and raised her towards the air The sleeping ony he noticed that the children were both crying--Pink like a lady, and the boy like a little wild beast Pink began to wail: ”Mummer Dee! Mummer Dee!”
Jean did not stir
He dispatched the servants madly--one to the telephone, one for stimulants; while he rubbed his wife's hands and feet, and tried to get brandy between her lips in the futile fashi+on of the inexperienced He could not stins of life, and he dared not leave her Molly reported, sobbing, that Dr Thorne was not at home, but that Mrs Thorne had bade her call the nearest doctor; she had rung up the one at the corner, and he was co
The nearest doctor ca Avery looked stupidly at his inexperienced face The physician stooped and put his ear to Jean's heart He went through the for the pulse, and busied himself in various uncertain ways about her In a short ti at the carpet He did notif you like,” he said ”Perhaps you would feel better But in my opinion it is of no use”
”For God's sake, ?” demanded the husband in a voice which the nearest doctor had occasion to remember
”In er He turned and took up his hat ”I will do anything you like, of course, sir,” he added politely ”But life is extinct”
Avery e physician went uncomfortably away Avery stared after hiainst his oarm body; he had a confused idea that he could will her alive, or love her alive; that if he could make her understand how it all was, she could not die She loved hiray face fell upon his breast like stiffening clay Her pulse was iirl
”Molly! Can't you think of anything e dashed to the door, and came to a violent stop
”Mother of God!” cried Molly ”Here is Dr Thorne!”