Part 4 (1/2)

Berney's always objected to Randall's. This animosity might have been accounted for by the mere fact of neighbours.h.i.+p, but there was more in it than that. As was Athens to Sparta, so was Berney's house to Randall's. Berney's stood always for an easy-going tolerance and, though, for instance, it was not a particularly well-dressed house, it left its nuts in peace. In all its pursuits it was either brilliant or ineffectual, and, if it did anything at all, it did it beautifully: both in games and work it was a house of individuals. A typical batsman from Berney's would make three divine, soul-satisfying cuts and be caught in attempting an impossible fourth: Berney's was never thorough and never took defeat to heart.

Randall's, on the other hand, had no nuts and suspected with Draconian severity the faintest traces of nuttishness. The average member of the house was tall and lumpy and sallow, badly dressed and with no grease to his hair. It was a standing joke with the school that Randall's youths owed their yellow faces not only to general unhealthiness, but also to a dislike of soap and water. They trained like professionals and made tin G.o.ds of their challenge cups. They worked always with a dull, sickening energy: they never had a decent three-quarter among them, but won their matches by working the touch-line and scoring from forward rushes. Yet undoubtedly, despite all their ignorance of the way things should be done, they achieved results.

Of course Berney's hated Randall's bitterly and for ever. But towards the end of term relations became more strained than was usual. To begin with, Randall's had defeated Berney's by thirty-five points to three in the first round of the footer pot. Once Spots had romped away, but for the rest of the match the heavy Randallite scrum had kept the ball close and pushed their light opponents all over the field.

And Randall's juniors had crowed over their triumph, had hailed every fresh try with much shouting and throwing up of caps (it was generally held that gentlemen showed their joy by reasonable yelling and that only a low soccer crowd would hurl their caps into the air), and behaved as offensively as could be expected. Now Randall's prepared to win the final as though the future of the world rested on their efforts, while Berney's jeered from study windows or the house yard.

So Randall's sulked and refused to send back b.a.l.l.s which were kicked over into their yard, and Berney's had to scale walls secretly to recover their property. Nor did they always succeed. But the actual cause of open hostilities was the affair of Gideon.

Gideon's real name was Edward Spencer Lewis-Murray. Some reader of Mr Eden Phillpotts had called him Gideon because he was dark and had a large nose. Whether or not he was a Jew is immaterial. Certainly he not only went to school chapel, but consumed ham in large quant.i.ties.

One day he had been ragged about his nose and straightway he marched to the tuck-shop, ordered an unparalleled amount of ham and pork sausages (for he was wealthy) and devoured the entire feast before a large a.s.sembly. His capacity was enormous, and he thus gained two ends at once: he demonstrated his loathing of Jewish practices and established an undoubted record in consumption.

His nose, however, was certainly large, and the name of Gideon clung to him: but he took his ragging sensibly, and, while remaining a b.u.t.t, he became, in a way, popular. So when, a few days before the end of term, he was shamefully mishandled by some members of Randall's the Berneyites were furious and Gideon became temporarily a martyr and a hero. He had kicked a football into Randall's yard: then, having shouted ”Thank you” in vain, he had climbed over the wall to look for it. Shouts of ”Gideon,” ”Berney's Yiddisher,” ”Jew-beak,” ”Back to Joppa you dirty Jew-ew,” and lastly a great roar of ”Stone the dirty Semite” had been heard. And Gideon had not returned. He had, it turned out, been ceremoniously stoned--that is to say, he had been lashed to a pillar in Randall's house gym, and pounded with footb.a.l.l.s thrown hard from a distance of five yards. Then he had been stripped and thoroughly washed in cold water: they had, he said, made jokes about Jordan and total immersion. He reappeared just before tea, raging and very battered. All through the meal his nose bled profusely and it was a sign of the times that no one made jokes, the old, inevitable jokes, about Gideon's 'konk.'

Berney's discussed the affair with animation. Jew or no Jew, Gideon was of Berney's and as such he deserved respectful treatment. The workroom seethed with wrath and Gideon revelled in hospitalities. .h.i.therto undreamed of. Even Cullen and Neave stooped from their heights and actually led the wail of sympathy.

”The swine,” said Neave. ”Forty of 'em lamming into one poor devil.”

”Jaundiced Bible-bangers,” said Cullen. ”I suppose they're praying now for that mangy pot.”

It was a traditional jest that Randall's had house prayers before cup matches to invoke heavenly aid for their team.

”Let's hope Smith puts it across them.”

There was a chorus of approval.

”My sainted aunt,” Neave went on. ”Can't we do something?”

”What?”

”Can't we avenge our Gideon?”

It was then that Martin, standing timidly on the outskirts of the crowd and drinking in every word of the great ones, remarked boldly:

”For Gideon and the Lord.”

He raised a roar of laughter. The school had been working at Judges that term in divinity and the story of Gideon was familiar to all.

Martin's allusion to the Israelites' act of revenge was distinctly opportune. The ringing of the prep bell abruptly ended the conversation.

On the following day Randall's put it across Smith's, scoring twenty-eight points to nil. Again the victory was due to forward rushes.

”Not a decent movement in the match,” said Spots angrily to Martin.

”It's scandalous that the pot can be won by a pack of well-drilled louts.”

Randall's began to stink in the nostrils of the whole school, for their elation at their successes was always characteristic. They revelled with a serious, unconvincing revelry. Other houses always celebrated the occasion by demanding and obtaining ices (in mid-December) at the school tuck-shop: it was a tradition and a n.o.ble one. Randall's gorged themselves with lumps of bread and ham.

Martin happened to walk back to Berney's just behind Cullen and Neave.

He would not have spoken to them had they not turned and addressed him.

It was condescension, and he appreciated it.

”Hullo,” said Cullen. ”What about old Gideon?”