Part 13 (1/2)

”Yeah, he had too much whiskey last night.”

”He was with you?”

”And Andrew, he came by on the way back from the airport.”

Why hadn't he said anything about going to Andrew and Mandy's? It was so unlike him.

”Anna?”

I didn't know what to say. Something felt really off, but there was nothing I could put my finger on. Mandy had just confirmed that he had a hangover. I knew today was going to be a busy day for him. Although his response was a.s.shole-like, it shouldn't have created the feeling that my heart was going to crash through my chest.

”Yeah, I'm here. Mandy, tell me about New Year's. Why would we be arguing about it? I know you're Ethan's friend but I need you to tell me which bit of the puzzle I'm obviously missing.”

”I love you guys together. I want you two to make it work.”

”Mandy,” I warned.

”Anna, he will kill me if I tell you.”

”And if you don't, I will.” My mind was racing. Did he have a secret love child or a gay past? What was Mandy about to tell me?

”Jesus, Anna, if you tell him I told you, I'll kill you. How's that?”

”I won't. I promise. Please put me out of my misery.”

”He was planning to propose. On New Year's.”

s.h.i.+t. Leah had been right.

”Anna?”

”I'm still here. On New Year's Eve? Why didn't he?”

”Apparently you told him that you didn't want to marry him earlier in the evening.”

”When earlier?” We'd not talked about getting married.

”I don't know exactly. He was planning to ask you at the top of the Empire State Building, so sometime before that.”

”I didn't say I wouldn't marry him, I'd not really considered it. I just don't get marriage. It's not important to me, but he knows that, I think. Was he seriously going to ask me?”

”By the look of the ring I saw a picture of, I'd say he was as serious as he's ever been about anything.”

”And now he's p.i.s.sed off. I've hurt him.” It wasn't a question-it just all made sense. If I thought about it, things had been off since that night. He'd seemed a bit distant and distracted. I'd not been paying attention.

”He's questioning himself and whether you want the same things that he does. You just need to talk about it. I know how you feel about him. And deep down, so does he. I reminded him that you're moving continents for him, but all he can focus on is you not wanting to marry him.”

There was nothing I wanted more in that moment than to be able to transport myself to New York. I needed to explain myself. ”Thanks for telling me. Thank G.o.d you did. Please don't tell him that we've had this conversation. I'm going to make this right.”

I fished out my blackberry from my coat pocket and emailed Paul, saying that it was really important to me that I finish as soon as possible and that I needed to take next week off, even if they couldn't let me go for good at the end of this week.

I then found my phone and texted Ethan.

A: I love you. I miss you.

I couldn't have him doubting my heart for a second.

Then I logged on to my laptop and booked myself a one-way ticket to New York for Sat.u.r.day. I had four days to pack up my life. If work didn't release me from my contract, I'd take unpaid leave or go sick or something.

I jumped at my phone's text alert.

SG: Good. Me too.

I smiled at the words. I hadn't expected him to reply given his earlier mood but I was glad that it didn't sound like he'd given up.

A: I spoke to Paul. He's talking to the other partners. I'm going to speak to him again tomorrow.

Before I'd put my phone down after I'd sent my text, it started to ring. The words 's.e.x G.o.d' flashed up.

”Hey handsome. How's the hangover?” I answered.

”Hey. Not good. I went to Andrew and Mandy's last night and drank too much whiskey.”

”I wish I were there so I could run you a bath and give you a head ma.s.sage.”

”Yeah?” He sounded tired. ”I wish you were here, too.”

”Really? You were pretty grouchy with me earlier.”

”I know. I'm sorry. I just have a lot going on . . . ”

”I thought we had a rule that we shared stuff.” I really wanted him to tell me what he wanted for our future. I wanted the no-bulls.h.i.+t Ethan.

”It's just boring work stuff.”

I wondered if that had been the first time Ethan had bulls.h.i.+tted me.

Ethan I hated that I wasn't being honest with her. But I needed time. We had seemed to want the same things out of life up until now. I needed to talk to her about our future but it wasn't a conversation we could have over the phone.

I decided to go for a run. I'd spent most of the evening in the study, trying to get through a mountain of emails and I didn't seem to be making any progress. A run would help me clear my head. I changed and headed off. It was quiet out. I normally ran in the mornings, so this was different for me. I should have worn a hat. It was colder than I expected. The warmth of the apartment had lulled me into a false sense of security. I picked up my pace, eager to warm up, and headed east toward Was.h.i.+ngton Square Park. I tread my familiar route of the smaller roads to my destination, not thinking about work, not thinking about Anna. I just concentrated on my breathing as I settled into a comforting rhythm.

n.o.body had told the s.h.i.+vering bodies in the park that it was cold and time to go home. People were scattered across the benches as if it were the middle of the summer. I grinned at a couple who looked like they were having an argument, but were still holding hands.

The laces of my running shoes loosened and when I glanced down, my left shoe had come untied. I stopped at one of the empty benches to fasten it, more aware of my heavy breathing once I'd stopped running.

”Ethan?” A female voice I half-recognized asked.