Part 42 (1/2)

NO wonder the debate fell dead 'Neath such a constant fire of lead.

DCCXLII.--PAINTING.

A n.o.bLEMAN who was a great amateur painter showed one of his performances to Turner. That great artist said to him, ”My lord, you want nothing but _poverty_ to become a very excellent painter.”

DCCXLIII.--OLD AGE.

A VERY old man, who was commonly very dull and heavy, had now and then intervals of gayety: some person observed, ”_he resembles an old castle which is sometimes visited by spirits_.”

DCCXLIV.--AN EFFORT OF MEMORY.

”WOULD you think it?” said A. to B. ”Mr. Roscius has taken a week to study a Prologue which I wrote in a day.”--”His _memory_ is evidently not so good as yours,” replied B.

DCCXLV.--A READY RECKONER.

A MAN entered a shop, saying he should like a two-penny loaf, which was accordingly placed before him. As if suddenly changing his mind, he declared he should prefer two pen'orth of whiskey instead. This he drank off, and pus.h.i.+ng the loaf towards the shopkeeper, was departing, when demand of payment was made for the whiskey.

”Sure, and haven't I _given_ ye the loaf for the whiskey?”

”Well, but you did not _pay_ for the loaf, you know.”

”Thrue, and why should I? don't you see, I _didn't take_ the loaf, man alive?” And away he quietly walked, leaving the worthy dealer lost in a brown study.

DCCXLVI.--A ROWLAND FOR AN OLIVER.

MR. HAWKINS, Q.C., engaged in a cause before the late Lord Campbell, had frequently to mention the damage done to a carriage called a Brougham, and this word he p.r.o.nounced, according to its orthography, _Brough-am_.

”If my learned friend will adopt the usual designation, and call the carriage a _Bro'am_, it will save the time of the court,” said Lord Campbell, with a smile.

Mr. Hawkins bowed and accepted his Lords.h.i.+p's p.r.o.nunciation of the word during the remainder of his speech. When Lord Campbell proceeded to sum up the evidence, he had to refer to the Omnibus which had damaged the Bro'am, and in doing so p.r.o.nounced the word also, according to its orthography. ”I beg your Lords.h.i.+p's pardon,” said Mr. Hawkins, very respectfully; ”but if your Lords.h.i.+p will use the common designation for such a vehicle, and call it a 'Buss--” The loud laughter which ensued, and in which his Lords.h.i.+p joined, prevented the conclusion of the sentence.

DCCXLVII.--TRUE POLITENESS.

SIR W.G., when governor of Williamsburg, returned the salute of a negro who was pa.s.sing. ”Sir,” said a gentleman present, ”do you descend to salute a slave?”--”Why, yes,” replied the governor; ”I cannot suffer a man of his condition to _exceed_ me in _good manners_.”

DCCXLVIII.--A RAKE'S ECONOMY.

WITH cards and dice, and dress and friends, My savings are complete; I light the candle at both ends, And thus make both ends meet.

DCCXLIX.--EASILY SATISFIED.

A COWARDLY fellow having spoken impertinently to a gentleman, received a violent box of the ear. He demanded whether that was meant in _earnest_.