Part 24 (1/2)
Kelsey woke to the remains of a slight champagne headache. She couldn't believe Jared loved champagne! The man had definitely embraced Earth culture. Not only that, but last night, when they'd finally started to drift into a warm, hazy sleep, wrapped in each other's arms, he had unexpectedly bolted upright in bed. ”Hang on a second,” he'd said with a boyish grin, and fumbling with something on the nightstand, she suddenly saw he had an iPod. (An iPod! Jared had an iPod!) Her mouth had snapped open, but before she could laugh or tease him or even say anything, Jared had rolled back close to her, enfolding her in his strong, warm arms. And Duke Ellington had begun to play from a small speaker in the background.
Jared Bennett loved Earth. It was a strange realization. One she was considering as she lay beside him, not quite willing to open her drowsy eyes yet, despite sensing that he was already awake. He didn't seem to need much sleep at all. Maybe a couple of hours a night. With a quiet sigh, she nuzzled closer against him, tucking one hand beneath his muscled bicep.
”You're awake,” he whispered, slipping a large palm down to the small of her back and snuggling her closer.
”Almost,” she murmured against his chest. Beneath her ear, his heartbeat quickened, its steady beat sending a thrill through her whole body. She lay curled against him on her side, one of her legs tucked securely between both of his. She loved the tickling feel of the hair on his legs. Not too much hair-she couldn't stand that in a guy. But just enough. The similarities between his body and that of a human male were astounding. Almost as if he were human... but not quite. There were a dozen different ways that he seemed... well, for lack of another way to describe it, just a click off. Not quite human in some fundamental way that seemed just beyond her power to explain.
”Ah, Kelsey, please wake.” The near-plaintive tone to his voice made her giggle. She leaned up, blinking at him through sleepy eyes. He grinned at her, a boyish, lopsided smile that almost made her heart stop. More than any other time since they'd met, he seemed free. Unfettered by tension or concern. His eyes almost always had a driven intensity to them, a kind of worry haunting them. This morning it was as if every single care had been swept away from him; he'd been washed clean. Renewed by her love.
He lolled his head back into the pillow, studying her. His room had no windows, and she wished she could see him like this by golden morning light, reclining all gorgeous and nude like some sated Greek G.o.d. ”I've been waiting three hours for you to wake,” he complained, reaching one dark hand to cup her breast. Instantly, her body tightened at his touch.
”Three hours?”
”Yes, it is already past seven a.m.,” he said and she had to laugh at his idea of ”sleeping in.”
”You don't sleep.”
”I do, some,” he disagreed languidly, taking his rough fingertips and stroking them just as languidly across her right nipple.
”Not”-she gasped aloud as he tightened her nipple between his fingertips-”enough!”
”There is far too much to accomplish,” he answered with a wicked, kingly grin. ”Now more than ever, in fact. I shall save the sleeping for other men, while I”-he cupped her breast firmly within his palm again, causing her whole body to tremble in pleasure-”occupy myself in more valuable ways.”
”Yes.” She gulped. ”I'd like that.”
”Then I shall continue,” he said courteously, with a heavy-lidded look of appreciation, his rough fingertips teasing her to greater arousal.
But as much as she ached to make love with him all over again, she'd woken needing a few answers. Very gently, she covered his caressing hand, stilling the action. ”Let's just talk first,” she whispered breathlessly. She smiled at him, hoping he wouldn't be offended-she didn't actually know if he was the kind of guy who got offended when a woman denied him what he wanted, but she was betting on the fact that he wasn't.
”Something is bothering you?” he inquired, reaching for her hand. He lay there, gazing up at her as she sat beside him in the bed. She fingered the edge of the satin sheet, searching for words. Finally, she managed, ”We don't really know each other very well yet.”
His eyes widened, and one elegant black eyebrow shot upward in question. ”You're not breaking it off with me already?” he said with a husky half laugh. Yet his eyes betrayed a seriousness that belied the humor. She just rolled her eyes at him, and he blew out a sigh of relief. ”Ah, good,”” he said, smiling again. ”You panicked me for a moment there, Kelse.”
”You're the one who told me there's no going back.”
He offered her a gentle, tender smile. ”Not much recourse at this point, I'm afraid.”
”I don't want any recourse.” She snorted, swatting him on the arm. ”I want you.”
”That you have, my love. Always.”
”It's just...” She drew in a strengthening breath. What she wanted to ask wasn't easy, but it had been niggling at her during the night, even to the point of entering her dreams. ”You said something when we were making love that kind of got me thinking. When I asked what more I needed to know about your people.” She paused, looking down into his eyes; he said nothing, but nodded his encouragement. ”Actually, I think you said 'not now' about telling me more. That's what you said when I asked what I didn't know,” she added, feeling her face flush.
”That's what I said,” he repeated softly, a slight smile playing at his lips. But despite the smile he didn't look all that happy, she noticed.
”So, it got me wondering,” she continued, forcing her voice to sound upbeat, even though the inscrutable expression on his face was starting to making her nervous, ”about what all I don't know about you. Of course, there are obvi-ously tons of things, but I mean, well...” She sucked in a breath and blurted the rest. ”I'm talking about in bed.” There, she'd put it out there. And-dang it all-the man blushed. Terribly. With a cough into his hand, he rolled onto his back and a little bit away from her.
”Is it okay if we talk about it now?”
Throwing an arm over his head, he blew out a heavy breath and stared at the ceiling. ”You may ask me whatever you wish, Kelse,” he said, his voice husky with emotion. ”I'd never deny you anything. Never. I love you and I want you to know everything about me. G.o.ds, I want to know everything about you.” His roving gaze lighted on her meaningfully. ”Everything. So, yes, of course you should know.”
”Know?” She waved her hand between them, urging him to continue.
”Our species are definitely very different,” he allowed, his gaze resting on her for a beat before he stared upward at the ceiling again. Both of his cheeks were still a deep reddish hue. From emotion? Embarra.s.sment? Maybe even from arousal-she couldn't be sure.
She wanted to put him at ease, though, because he was way too self-a.s.sured to seem unsettled like this. ”But we're a lot the same,” she reminded him gently.
Again his gaze rested on her. ”You've seen what I am, both sides of me, and you've seen the change I'm capable of. But you've no idea all the things I've done in this war-”
”You've already said that-”
”Or the people I've killed. Killed. With my own hands, Kelsey, and my own power. If you only understood, truly understood-”
”Are you trying to scare me?”
”I'm trying to make you understand that you don't know what I really am. I am an alien species; don't fool yourself that I'm human.” The coldness from last night had returned, as if he dared her to believe him what she knew him to be: a good man.
”You're fighting a war,” she said, thinking of her father and all the endless political fracases he'd been involved in. ”I'm not naive about all this stuff, Jared. In a war lives will be sacrificed, and it's part of the cost-”
But he cut her off. ”As a Refarian, my s.e.xuality is different from yours,” he whispered in a voice so quiet, she nearly missed it. In fact, she leaned closer toward him to be sure she really had heard him.
”Wh-what?”
He set his jaw for a moment, his black eyes narrowing to slits, and then hissed, ”I said that my s.e.xuality is different from yours.” He closed his eyes in what appeared to be mortification.
”Uh, I don't think so.”
”Think so!” he cried angrily, his eyes flying open.
She lifted the satin sheet that covered the length of his body and made a point of staring down at his groin area for a long moment. Then she swung her gaze back to his face. ”It went in just fine, thank you very much. Repeatedly, I might add. Very human in its functions, I've gotta say. Or perhaps universal might be more accurate.”
”Kelsey, it's not the, uh, equipment that I'm speaking of.” He groaned, staring up at the wood-beamed ceiling overhead. ”Don't you understand?”
”Not even remotely.”
Jared blew out a frustrated sigh and rolled over to the edge of the bed, putting his back to her. In All's name, he'd never found himself in a situation quite so uncomfortable and complicated and sad in his life. And he'd lived through quite a host of situations; from being captured by Veckus to losing his virginity at seventeen to being lost in his Change for a full day once and unable to s.h.i.+ft back. That had been more than awkward, to have his soldiers wonder why their commander seemed determined to stay in his most natural state. Fortunately no one had mentioned it when he finally found his way back to his other self's form.
But this... this moment eclipsed all of those previous occasions. And it didn't help matters that the woman was just so determined, so frank and unconcerned about his royal status. Everyone he knew had been intimidated by him at one point or another. But not Kelsey. Behind him he sensed her waiting, and it only made what he had to tell her all the more horrible. She would hate him. If she'd been angry about his seeing inside of her without her per-mission, what would she now think about this new revelation? Forget the horrid shame of it-she would feel betrayed. She would have to. He should have revealed everything last night before taking her across the bonding threshold. But you loved her; you wanted her... you were afraid of frightening her off.
Silence, you idiot! he told himself. You are a fool, frail king, and you never last at love, so why offer your wretched advice now?
She stirred on the bed behind him, edging closer. He raised one hand over his shoulder to halt her progress. ”Please,” he begged.
”I'm lost here, Jared.”
Well, he thought, that makes two of us. He buried his face in his hands and prayed to All that she'd understand him, and that his genetic differences wouldn't send her shrieking from the bedroom. He reviled the part of himself he was about to unveil to her. It was the one thing about being D'Aravnian that he'd always loathed. He loved his Change-it was peaceful and blissful and sated every craving in the entirety of his nature.