Part 13 (1/2)

”Parker? The doorman? That- Thats crazy.” I slid into the store, closing the umbrella behind me. Pumpkin and spice filled the warm, bright interior.

”Maybe. But you havent answered my question.”

”Im getting ibuprofen for my headache.” I pulled out an excuse, heart pounding so hard I wouldnt be surprised if he heard it. The family planning isle was in front of me now.

The words almost slipped out, I could feel them bubbling, wanting him to know. But there was no point in making him worry about something that couldnt be true. I was only doing this to rea.s.sure my own irrational thoughts. Crazy thoughts. He didnt need to know how far I slipped.

”At Greenway?” he asked.

”Yes. Then Im going home.”

”All right. Let me know if you need something else. Ill try and get home earlier tonight.”

”Okay.” I didnt hold much hope in that being earlier than midnight.

”I love you,” we both said before hanging up.

I picked up the errorless pregnancy test. It was supposed to say pregnant or not pregnant, no line confusion.

After the longest walk home through some rainy dimension of h.e.l.l, I was finally in the bathroom, waiting for a stick to tell me I had been crazy. To relieve my fears.

The wait was worse than the walk.

But seeing Pregnant on the stick was the worst yet. It had to be wrong.

I pulled out another and forced myself to pee, shaking as I waited again.

Pregnant.

14: Ruined.

THE STICK VIBRATED IN MY GRIP. I set it down on the bathroom counter as if it were a bomb that might go off, watching it like it was the most dangerous thing in the world.

And it was.

It had already exploded though, tore through me and destroyed with fire. I was empty and ruined.

Everything was ruined.

I left it there on the bathroom counter and crawled into bed. Pulling the covers over my head, I curled into a ball, seeking any warmth, any comfort. And thats when the tears started, soaking the sheets under me. There werent words or thoughts to explain my sadness, but it was bone deep and consumed everything. It was all there was, a never ending well.

I thought about calling Gage, I wanted to call him. I wanted him here. I wanted his arms to wrap around me and warm me. I was freezing. But I couldnt speak, and I knew he had to focus on his meeting with Viktor. Plus, I didnt want to see or hear his reaction. I was a coward that way. Id leave the stick there for him to find, give him time to process, to react, before we talked about it.

Sobs shook my body until exhaustion settled in and I escaped into sleep.

When I awoke, the grey light of the rainy evening had faded to night, as dark of a night as the city lights allowed it to get.

My first thought was Gage and his meeting, that made my heart jump, but it broke all over again at the next thought. I was pregnant. It was an anchor tethering me down. But I didnt know what to do. What could I do?

Before I could slip back into my black hole of depression, I picked up my phone, thoughts of Gage coming to the front.

I had missed a text from him. I couldnt believe I slept through that. Or maybe I had been crying through that.

Meeting went well. Talk later.

The text was sent at 10:30, nearly two hours ago. I had slept into the night, and my stomach grumbled at my lack of food. But that had to wait.

I called Gage. If his meeting was done, I needed him home. We had to talk.

”Hey, how are you feeling?” He sounded excited.

I couldnt make out the sounds behind him, but they were fading fast and then cut off, like a door closed on them.

”Im all right,” the response was thoughtless. ”Are you at the club?”

”No. No, Im out, but Im about to leave and come home. Babe, I have so much to tell you.”

His light voice carved into my heart, I was about to crush his joy when he got home.

”Youre coming home now? How far away are you?”

”Ill leave now. Are you sure youre okay? You dont sound okay, do you need me to pick up medicine or...”

I stopped listening mid way, a voice behind his took all my attention. Cherry was there.

”So, this is where you snuck off to. What you doing back here? Come-”

”Im on the phone,” Gage snapped at her, and then that background sound of music and voices rose up and shut off again.

”So do you need anything?” He went back to our conversation like nothing had happened.

”Youre not at the club, but shes there, with you,” I stated the facts, empty.

He paused. ”Its not like that, its only business. Im coming home now and Ill explain. Dont get stuck on that.”

”All right.” I hung up. There was nothing to say until he explained. I wasnt supposed to get stuck on it, but I was. She was with him. I should be the one there with him, not her. I needed his explanation.

Going to the bathroom, I picked up the stick and threw it in the waste bin, no longer concerned with being careful with it. Scooping up the trash bag, I knotted it and took it to the hall disposal, ridding the place of the evidence. I needed to tell him, I knew, but I needed the truth first. I didnt want to give him an excuse to keep anything from me. My news had to wait.

My stomach was empty, in this strange place where it wanted food, but everything I thought of eating made it turn. I settled on toast and busied myself with that while I waited for Gage, trying and failing to keep out all thoughts.

I didnt know what to do about my situation. While I waited in the living room, I convinced myself that the test could be wrong-both of them. I still had a doctors appointment on Friday, Id find out for sure then. For now, I needed to focus on Gage and Cherry. That was the immediate situation.

He walked in like a storm, not pausing at the doorway to take off coat or shoes. His quick pace took no time to find me in the living room, and then he was beside me, pressing me to his wet clothes.