Part 28 (1/2)
”Get off.” I pulled away, gritting my teeth to keep from flinching at the action. ”You dont listen to me. You dont change. You keep thinking you can just decide everything. Well you cant. You cant, and Im not going to let you anymore.”
His breathing picked up, but he stayed silent, eyes wide as he kept his hands raised, hovering by me like I might tip.
”Im done waiting for you.”
Our eyes were locked on one another, our argument pulling between our gaze. A tug of war I refused to loose.
”Im done.” He still only stared back as a response. ”Do you hear me? Im done.” My muscles ached to hit him, to lash out, to release this anger that was consuming and poisoning me-so much anger covering a well of sadness.
”Dont.” I must have lifted my fists because he gripped my wrists when he spoke, ”Get back in bed and well talk.” He nodded over my shoulder to the bed.
I didnt want to listen to him. I didnt want to give him control. But my body shook and sweat beads broke out on my skin with the effort of standing. I thought about sitting in a chair, but knew I wouldnt last there either.
”What did you do with the flowers?” I stepped back to the bed and lowered myself down to sitting.
”I threw them out,” his response was flat, and he crossed his arms, watching me.
When I narrowed my eyes at him but stayed seated, he stepped forward and adjusted the pillows behind me. ”Lay back. You need rest to heal. This is serious.”
I hated that I was going along with him, leaning back on the support of pillows he made. ”I know its serious. Im the one here in pain, not you.”
He closed his eyes, inhaling.
”Talk,” I demanded, wis.h.i.+ng I really had that power.
His eyes popped open, crystal blue and intense on mine. ”Those flowers were from Rusnak.”
I hissed against the pain as I flinched.
He took a step closer but stopped short when I shot him a look.
”What did it say?”
He shook his head and sat on the edge of the bed.
”Tell me.”
”To get well and keep safe.”
”Go get the card.”
His head whipped to meet mine. ”What?”
”Go. Get. The. Card. I want to see exactly what it says.”
”Jesus, why? I just told you what it says.” His eyebrows creased and he leaned away from me.
”You like to leave a lot out,” I responded quick, matter of fact.
Our gaze filled with tension and then he snapped it, getting up and walking out.
He came back in a second later, dropping the slip on my lap. ”There. See for yourself.”
The message was typed onto the little tile card.
Get well soon. Keep safe. A.R.
”I think its time you tell me what happened in that room.” His hand gripped my knee like he was trying to be supportive, but his hard tone gave away his anger.
Pulling my eyes from the card, I looked up to him and shook my head. ”I went there to talk to you. I tried calling you first, but you didnt answer and I had to talk to you. Anthony stopped me again.” I paused as his grip tightened on my leg. ”He said, things were about to happen and it was my last chance to talk.”
”Then you walked right into Anatoli.”
”He followed me into that room. Ian told me to wait there for you. I didnt know he was even out of prison, you never told me.”
”No. I didnt know until that night. It was all kept quiet. The review of his file, some evidence gone missing, they found illegal procedures leading to his arrest.” He shrugged. ”It doesnt matter. People pulled strings and he got out without warning. He showed up without warning, too.”
”Then why did you go off on me? You should have known I didnt know, that I didnt show up for him. But you kicked me out and put me in that car.” I choked on the rest of the words, unable to face that part of the night.
He looked away, nodding slowly. ”I will regret that forever.” He turned back to me, gripping my hands. ”Please try and understand, I thought the club was dangerous for you. I thought being near me at that moment was the most dangerous thing for you. I didnt realize what was going to happen.”
I closed my eyes, and his thumbs slid under them, wiping away my tears.
”All Ive ever wanted to do was keep you safe.” His breath felt cool against my wet cheek, but the heat of him warmed me up.
I was shaking, conflicted and in pain, tears rolling down my face and neck. Wanting to let him in, to let him take away my pain, but knowing he couldnt.
”You cant keep me safe. Not like this. Not with the things you do. Not by keeping secrets.”
”Im sorry. I know.”
”No, you dont know.” I cut off his apology, heart crumbling. ”I always thought I felt safest with you, but I realize now, youre the reason I was scared to begin with. These people. I shouldnt need to be kept safe. I cant do this anymore. I cant be in this anymore. I never really could, but I wanted you so bad I let myself believe it.”
”Youve been through a lot. More than anyone should.” He bowed his head and then looked back up. ”But we made it through worse, we can get through this.”
”Worse? No. This is the worst.” I wanted to yell. I tried to yell, but the air stung in my chest and it came out in broken sobs.
”I didnt mean it like that.” His arm came around me. ”I just meant, together we can do this. We need each other. Please baby, I need you too. Im hurting too.”
”Get out.” I pulled away from him. ”Leave me alone. I cant be around you.” I pushed on him, and he hopped up, out of my reach.
”Calm down, youre going to hurt yourself.” He patted the air, trying to calm me from a safe distance.