Part 41 (1/2)

I turned my head, breaking away. ”Rusnak doesnt really trust you. Do you think he meant anything by you not being here?” I wish I could cut off my thoughts, every one of them hurt. There was no safe place in my mind. But Gages touch helped soothe the pain of them.

He dropped his forehead to mine with a sigh, ”I never know what he means half the time. It could be something, or it could be his way of trying to scare us-to scare you. He said knowledge is power, but he uses fear.”

I brushed the stubble on his chin and brought my lips back to his, wanting to surround myself in him and forget myself completely, forget my fears. Because there was nothing else we could do, not here, not now.

He pulled back, gripping my hand. ”Weve had a long night, and were going to have an even longer one tomorrow.”

I nodded, fingers itching to go back to touching him.

His head dipped closer to mine, his hand grazing the skin on my stomach. ”And weve got to pick up Dexter from the airport in the morning.”

I nodded again and pushed myself against him, breaking my hand free of his so I could touch him with both, use them to read his body, to feel his heart.

He looked down at me with hooded eyes. ”This might be our last night here alone.”

I had already thought it, but hearing it out loud bruised me and made me need him even more.

”I dont want to spend it sleeping then, not yet.” I brought my lips to his neck, and he pulled me back down the hall to the bedroom.

I stopped thinking about tomorrow.

Dexter carried a large duffel over one arm and pa.s.sed the baggage claim turn styles. It didnt seem like he spotted us yet, so Gage called his name.

His head popped up and he smiled, but it was only half a Dexter smile. He looked different, no longer the lean quick body I recalled. He was bulkier, but his tight sleeves gripped around muscles, and he walked more like Gage, like he owned his body and knew how to use it.

His smile dropped completely when he looked down at me, and I froze, not knowing what to expect from the man who always had a smile, but not today, not for me.

He stopped in front of me and spoke before I could.

”Im still p.i.s.sed at you.”

”Dexter,” Gage started, but I raised my hand to stop him.

”I know. And Im sorry.” I owed him that at least, but I dropped my eyes from his angry gaze so I didnt see him move, but then I was surrounded in his warmth.

He squeezed me in a Dexter hug that I had wanted more than I cared to admit. I wrapped my arms around him too, squeezing him back just as tight. Squeezing my eyes shut to keep the tears from coming. I knew now that these hugs were numbered. Only a few days left to take them.

”I should have taken you to the psychiatrist that day instead of the gym.” His voice was thick and wavering. His cheek was slick with tears as he gripped me tighter.

41: Goodbye.

HIS EMBRACE PRESSED INTO MY HEART TILL it cracked, the tears leaking out. I had missed him. I would miss him. I didnt want to let him go, nor the memory I had in my head of his family. Little Felix with his chubby cheeks, and head full of curls, and a smile to match his fathers-who I would never get to see again. And that hurt the worst. Never. It was so final. So crus.h.i.+ng.

Gage cleared his throat from beside us. ”Lets go.” He started walking ahead of us, and then turned around, stepping in front of Dexter. Some sort of emotion pulled on his lips and made the muscles of his jaw flex. But it wasnt his typical anger, it was broken, and his voice came out thick. ”Shes not the one that needs to apologize.”

Dexter met his brothers gaze head on, without any humor. ”Ive told you in a hundred different ways Im sorry. I didnt mean to let her-”

”Not about her, about this. Getting wrapped up in all of this. G.o.d d.a.m.n it Dexter, I cant be here for you all the time.”

Dexters jaw flexed, mirroring the same hard lines that were in Gages. ”I didnt come to you this time. I wouldve taken care of this myself.”

Gage sucked in air, silencing the reply that was on his lips, lightning in his eyes. He breathed out like it was fire. But without speaking, he turned and walked down the busy hall of the airport leading to the garage we had parked in.

Gage walked out of the bathroom, wearing his sweatpants over his gym shorts and black Under Armour s.h.i.+rt. He glanced to me as he adjusted his hat on his head. ”Why arent you dressed?”

”I thought Id stay back, let you two go alone to talk.” I sat on the edge of our bed, looking up at him.

He took the two steps that separated us and placed his arms on either side of me. He leaned down, close to my face, so close the smell of our mint toothpaste washed over me. ”No, youre coming with us. I want you with us.” He pecked the corner of my mouth like that would ease the demand in his voice. ”Now get dressed.” He pulled away and went to the closet for his bag.

”Its only the gym. You can go without me,” I called after him.

”Im not leaving you here.”

”Gage, I really think you two need to talk.” I stood and followed him.

He turned towards me, slinging his gym bag over his shoulder with a sigh. ”And we will babe. Now get dressed.” When I just stood there, he stepped forward and reached his hand out to my arm. Then added in a soft voice, ”Please.”

I shook my head and took a little step closer so I could feel his warmth. ”I know what youre doing. You can leave me here. Im not going anywhere. I promise.”

His breath hitched as he breathed in. ”Maybe I just want you with me.” His other hand rose to cup my cheek, pus.h.i.+ng my hair back at the same time. ”Maybe I dont want to be away from you.” His head dipped down to my forehead. ”I want you close to me, always.”

I closed my eyes and breathed him in, turning my head so our noses touched, so my lips brushed his skin. And I brought my hand up to cup his, to hold him in place, enjoying the warmth of him. But I knew it was important to let him go. ”I will be. Baby, we are going to have forever together, but you and your brother, you only have this day. Go be with him. Talk to him. Ill be fine here.”

”Forever?” Gages lips brushed over my cheek, pressing to the skin just under my ear as his arms wrapped around me. ”G.o.d Regan, I want forever with you. Id do anything to have that.”

His words, body, touches, lips, all wrapped me in a warm comfort. It felt like home. But a creeping sadness persisted in the corners, tugging at my heartstrings. He was willing to do anything, hed shown that, was continuing to show that, but I feared the sacrifices he was willing to make and their effect on him.